u/A_Worried_Loner

I am pretty confused

For I “am” aromantic, but I have a partner

Apparently an aromantic is someone who feels “little to none romantic attraction”, so I thought it’s just that

But I think about it a lot

I think I like him just as he likes me

But it feels…fake sometimes

He is being all corny and saying stuff I know I’m supposed to reciprocate. You know, typical lines like “every love song reminds me of you” or something

But I just don’t feel like that

And I’m afraid I’m forcing myself to think I like him

I know I’m broken. I broke my capacity to fall in love as a kid, constantly forcing myself to chose someone to “be” in love with to feel normal

But I’m afraid I’m not really getting stuff

I don’t know if I just like him in my twisted, fucked way

I don’t know if I’m forcing myself to like someone and it’s gotten to the point in which we actually have a relationship (again)

And I don’t know if I count as aromantic or not

I’m tired

I really like duets, but don’t really know many

I wanna hear more duets

I really like duets, but don’t really know many

I wanna hear more duets

I started dating someone some days ago

We’re fine. He likes me, I like him. Everything’s fucking fine

And yet I’m nervous

I feel like something’s gonna go terribly wrong

I feel like we should just break up because it won’t last anyway

But if we break up, I’ll feel even worse

It’s been a year since the last time I felt something for someone, and I’m even wondering if I actually really do

I’m not in that “in love” phase he’s in. I’m his first pair, he’s my second one (plus, I’m aromantic. I don’t process stuff normally)

I suppose it’s normal I handle things differently

I tried telling this in a very light way to my mother (she doesn’t know I’m aro) and she just shut me up and told me “that’s bad. Don’t say that”

And I’m scared. I’m afraid I’m convincing myself I like him but I really don’t, I’m afraid he does something and hurts me and then I react and hurt him worse

But uh, I’m on my period. I’m just being dramatic here

Hopefully I’ll be better as soon as I see him again and reaffirm everything’s just fine

I don’t think I really understand what all this is about but I want to, it seems interesting. I just don’t know how to look for it or what to search in the first place.

All I know about SCP is that it is related to memory loss stuff, because a friend recommended me to search about it because I wanted to write a character with no memories of their past.

I would ask him, but we don’t talk anymore and he was the only person I knew that knew about this so uh, yeah.