Not all, but many people with mental health issues (and evil issues) are attracted to this field.
Google Nicole Virzi. And Bryan Kohberger. Both PhD students. WTF. Is the industry not setting the bar high enough for PhD candidates? I know evil people can test well, but WTF? Isn't there a psychopath screening? Seriously.
When my daughters were teens, I thought the attitude was happening because they were teens (and stressed out over the fighting and divorce.
I see them at mutual family events 1-2 times per year. Haven't seen my youngest in over a year. I was talking about supplements with another family member and my daughter (age 20) joined in and pretty much said I didn't know what I was talking about. I did my best to stay neutral and I went to the restroom to practice deep breathing. Her disdain mirrors my ex and his enmeshed mother.
At what point do I say ENOUGH? The relationship is all on their terms, and I only see them 3-4 times a year, never 1-1.
I am divorcing after 20+ years of marriage; husband likes the booze and pills more than anything, it's financial ruin if I stay.
My industry is a MESS due to AI, but a career shift is tricky because I can't work a full time schedule due to autoimmune fatigue. So I'm working through it and found an option for short term schooling in the wellness industry. I can work part time but make a full time income.
I met a group of friends for dinner from my divorce support network (it's an online group but we live in the same metro and meet in person a few times a year). We also have a chat group; we talk weekly on chat.
I've known them for approx 5 years and we are all at different stages, income levels, etc. We come together to support and cheer each other on, but today was a gut punch, I don't think I want to meet up again.
I shared my news on the career change and they crapped ALL OVER it. Everything from 'You're not getting younger for all.that physical work' to 'ewww gross I couldn't do that', all at once they took my good news and kicked it in the ribs.
I've always been the oddball of the group and felt like they bond more. They do have calls without me due to my schedule conflicts. But why would they all pile on with negativity? WHY do women so easily shite on other women in group settings? This is a big scary shift for me; I would prefer to bed rot and do nothing.
I swear I had flashbacks to high school where you had the nerve to not follow the trend and everyone sneers at you. They didn't sneer, but they didn't support.
So...do I share my feelings or let it slide and speak up if it continues? My friend circle is small; but this has happened before on other topics; is this the norm for friend groups?
My young adult daughter's boyfriend is hosting a large gathering to celebrate his recent hire with a company based overseas. She will be gone for 6 months while he gets established and everyone is making plans to visit her. I know about it because she told me about the job, and a mutual friend mentioned the send off party.
My extended family lives far away and while they probably weren't invited, I'm sure the social media recap will reach them.
So far, I've kept it light about the Low/No Contact. They know there are issues but they've never been supportive or helpful; their reactions follow the accusatory mainstream of 'you caused this' and they shame me or go dark and just don't call or check in.
So....when the next wave of questions come in about her send off party, I think I am going to say that I couldn't go due to illness (I do have two autoimmune diseases).
If I tell them I wasn't invited, they might call her and ask and interfere. I hate lying but I hate the possibility that they won't respect my wishes and make it worse.
Do you deal with unsupportive or interfering family members?
My rear bumper looks like crap; I think the previous owner did a DIY paint job and it's not meant for longevity.
I found automotive paint that will work, and I'm going to buy a new bumper cover from Rock Auto.
And finally, my question: Should I put the new cover on before I paint it? I'd prefer to paint it in the garage and install it afterward; any reason I shouldn't do it that way?
Signed,
n00b DIY auto painting
Just saw a headline that a third kid is dropping his last name and keeping hers. I'm not saying he wasn't an alcoholic and probably not the best Dad ever, but does this reek of alienation tactics to you?
My husband was an absent substance abusing Dad. Yes, we lived in the same home, but he missed all the sports the dances didn't teach them anything (other than hating me). Because he breadcrumbs the love, they see his distance as my fault.
The difference? My counselors told me not to disclose his addictions (they were in high school). Told me it would hurt more than help. So did Angelina tell them everything and now she 'wins', or is this happening for headlines?
I'm not leaning one way or another, just wondering about your opinion if you have one.
My mother's pregnancy diet consisted of nicotine from Virginia Slims and caffeine from Tab. I've been in airplanes with people smoking, I've heard stories of doctors and nurses smoking in hospitals, and my college had a smoking lounge inside the building.
But parents smoking on school bus field trips? Was this a thing?
Download the Merlin App by Cornell edu. It's free, it runs like a music scanner and ID's every bird. Soooo good for camping spots. But don't get distracted and head to social media, just stick with the app.
PODCAST THREAD | RESOURCES
If you've found a resource that helps you cope, please list it in the comments.
Until recently, I didn't have words for my situation. All I knew is that post-divorce, both of my over-18 teenagers told me to stop smothering them and I don't know when I will see either of them again. Our last few interactions post-divorce were filled with contempt and anger that seemed out of place; they wanted us to divorce.
I now know the alienation tactics started before there were marriage problems. If I hadn't listened to a podcast with Dr. Lynn Steinberg, I wouldn't have the words to say what happened to me and what is still happening.
None of these gave me much info on what to do now, but they helped me feel less alone and understand that my kids are just as much of a victim of his tactics as I am.
Note: Some of these creators provide services. If you want to use them, screen them well, ask for credentials and references. I love the podcasts, but I've seen coaches in this space asking for a rate that exceeds $300.00 per hour.
If you're selling services, please don't comment. We have enough heartbreak and legal fees to last us a lifetime, we don't need a grifter profiting off of our heartache.
WHY do I tell people and assume they will understand? I barely understand how this happened; how can I expect someone else to understand this madness?
I saw it happening right under my nose while we were married, and I didn't have the terminology or language to identify what was happening. I've read that we can't identify evil when it's right in front of us because the thought of being so manipulative and terrible has never entered our consciousness; so we cannot translate what is happening.
If a complete lack of understanding is happening and you're brave enough to address it again, here are some phrases I'm learning from the Fractured Families Podcast. I hope these phrases bring some clarity to your situation so that you can discuss it with your attorney, counselor, or whoever else has a hard time grasping what has happened to you:
Making You the Wet Blanket. When your child expresses frustration with you as a parent, they undermine you and say they understand, they get upset with your parenting, too. They agree with the child that you are too strict, too mad, too whatever. Instead of using it as a chance to have a dialogue as a family, they throw you under the bus.
Making You the 'No' Parent. If the child comes to them with a request that requires a No, they won't say it, but they will speak for you: 'Your [mother/father] said No'. At first, they will share this in private, making you the bad guy. Next, they may bait you in front of the child, knowing their words are going to set you into a tailspin because you've already talked about it with your spouse or partner. They know you are going to react poorly to whatever they are saying, they planned to upset you in front of the child.
Counseling the Child in Private. If the child brings something up in front of both of you, your spouse/partner offers to manage it. They steer the child toward privacy so they can calm down and talk. You think they are helping you as the co-parent while you finish making dinner, paying bills, or whatever else needs done. Meanwhile, they are telling the child that you are stressed and stress makes you mean and they apologize on your behalf. Your offense? Standard parenting. The child didn't finish chores, blew off a school assignment, etc. etc. You aren't being a monster, you're parenting. But you are painted as a monster, in your own home, and then you sit down to dinner with these people. They all eat the food you made, with the grocery money that you paid for, but the adult is creating a mini-army who is against you, and you have no idea.
I'm still reeling from a call where one of my friends said, 'If those were my daughters, I would fight for them.' I explained that my daughters are young adults now who were manipulated and emotionally abused by their Dad and his mother. There are lots of other extra factors and I will not harm their mental health by starting a war. It won't bring us closer. When they are ready, I will be here, and I will have information if they ask.
Until then, they are choosing 'peace'. By staying married to their father, I did not choose peace. I chose loyalty to marriage vows over the peace in my home. To be fair, most of the Christian counseling sessions put the marriage above the people in it. And they had no idea that one of the people in the marriage was part demon. By the time I found Leslie Vernick and Natalie Hoffman, the marriage was over in every way but legally and my relationship with my teenagers was severely harmed. Almost five years later, this is where we landed. No contact.
I just discovered Dr. Lynn Steinberg on a podcast and WOW. The most difficult part of this situation is the crazy making and denial and hopelessness as the days pass.
My kids are adults so I can't battle in court, and my identity as a mother has been erased after dedicating my life to them for over 18 years.
I'm utterly lost, but I'm grateful for the podcasts that show me I'm NOT crazy and not alone in my struggle.
Check out Fractured Families podcast, too.
I have a senior GSD who REFUSES to use portable stairs or a ramp to get in the truck or on the bed. It's not the size or medium of assistance, he is waits for the right moment and humps over it or side jumps it. WTF?
His hind legs aren't the issue, it's his front leg when he comes down too hard. He limps but isn't whining in pain. He would go for a hike and limp through it.
He's the most intelligent dog I've ever had; which is part of the problem. He's outsmarting me; every time he sees the assistance equipment, his stubborn brain says FU and makes it a point to override the assistance.
All advice appreciated.
I realize I could do this manually but the brain fog and depression will make it difficult. Do you use any apps or worksheets as a tracker? I'm considering applying for full time work again, but I'm afraid I won't be able to manage the load and schedule. I have very bad crash days where I can barely get out of bed.
I see many properties for sale with uninhabitable manufactured housing, they classify it as a teardown or remodel project in the comments. Is the cost of a tear down and removal really that bad, or is there something in the county / municipal codes that make this a nightmare? I feel like I'm missing a key piece of information; there are many properties like this and I can't figure out why they aren't snapped up by investors.
I'm hoping to make an offer on a property soon, and once the deal is done I plan on either moving an RV onto the property or placing an ADU to live there while I mess with the tear down and figure out what I want for the main dwelling.
If you've hired a company for removal or tear down, are these numbers accurate? (provided by ChatGPT)