u/Accomplished_Win_526

I’ve been meditating for many years, and did a 10 day vipassana retreat last year. I did this after doing two Iboga ceremonies earlier in the year, and the whole period was a time of extremely intense deep work. I went very deep at the vipassana retreat - deeper than I realized possible. multiple full ego dissolution experiences, deep trauma processing, and many other things. the Iboga and vipassana experiences felt like excavations of the deepest/darkest recesses of my soul.

anyways, my nervous system was pretty dysregulated for awhile after all of that and it took awhile to feel “myself” again. the experience was extremely challenging but ultimately deeply healing. after the darkness of all that work, I feel liberated from the struggles of my past and have had probably the happiest year of my life.

so the strange thing is that I also seem to have lost interest in most things that I generally enjoy - podcasts, music, tv shows, books… I just can’t get into any of it. I’ve always been fascinated by so many different things and had an insatiable curiosity, but I struggle lately to be interested in almost anything.

I’ve felt somewhat like this with periods of depression/anehdonia earlier in my life - but I am quite happy and content, and would not consider myself depressed at all. so I find it quite strange that I see to have lost interest in so many things that have previously brought me entertainment and nourishment. interested to hear if anyone has any thoughts or has had similar experiences, thank you!

a bit uncertain on where to go, so was curious if anyone has input. I’ve been meditating for many years, and did a 10 day vipassana retreat last year. I did this after doing two Iboga ceremonies earlier in the year, and the whole period was a time of extremely intense deep work. I went very deep at the vipassana retreat - deeper than I realized possible. multiple full ego dissolution experiences, deep trauma processing, and many other things. the Iboga and vipassana experiences felt like excavations of the deepest/darkest recesses of my soul.

anyways, my nervous system was pretty dysregulated for awhile after all of that and it took awhile to feel “myself” again. the experience was extremely challenging but ultimately deeply healing. after the darkness of all that work, I feel liberated from the struggles of my past and have had probably The happiest year of my life.

so the strange thing is that I also seem to have lost interest in most things that I generally enjoy - podcasts, music, tv shows, books… I just can’t get into any of it. I’ve always been fascinated by so many different things and had an insatiable curiosity, but I struggle lately to be interested in almost anything.

I’ve felt somewhat like this with periods of depression/anehdonia earlier in my life - but I am quite happy and content, and would not consider myself depressed at all. so I find it quite strange that I see to have lost interest in so many things that have previously brought me entertainment and nourishment. interested to hear if anyone has any thoughts or has had similar experiences, thank you!

I live in Squamish and regularly ride some of the gnarliest/most consequential double black+ trails here… larvicide, sourkraut, gouranga, pleasure, etc. I feel super comfortable on almost any tech trail anywhere.

but I go up to Whistler and I just can’t get over the mental block/fear of jumping. I’ve worked on my jumping technique and am solid with the fundamentals, but as soon as I get on something like A line I am just not comfortable with the speed needed to ride it confidently. I do a bunch of crank it up laps and feel dialed but just can’t take that next step up in speed and size.

is it just not for me? can anyone relate? feeling a bit stuck about whether I should keep at it or just accept that it’s not the type of riding I enjoy