u/Active_Plant_2979

Spiraling over my ex today. I’m feeling very emotional and anxious about him. It’s been 5 weeks. Today is not a good day. Grief comes in waves

We talked on the phone yesterday, and I’m really grateful we did.

When we ended things, the only thing I asked for was that we didn’t have to disappear from each other’s lives overnight.
I know a lot of people say a clean break is the healthiest way to move on, and maybe they’re right.
But I couldn’t imagine going from talking to you every day to pretending you no longer existed.
I’m so happy we’re letting it happen this way instead of all at once.
Although we only talked twice since we ended things, hearing your voice yesterday felt like coming home for a little while.
My nervous system became so calm after and I slept so deeply.

Tonight the grief came back.

I love you. I miss you. And I wish things were different.
I wish love had been enough. I wish our future had looked the same to both of us.
I wish there had been a version of this story where neither of us had to walk away.
I know we’re doing what we believe is right, even when it hurts. That doesn’t make the loss any smaller.
Maybe one day we’ll think about each other with more gratitude than sadness. Maybe one day we’ll both find the lives we were meant to have.
But tonight, I just miss my best friend.
Leaving it on this note “And somewhere, in another lifetime, I like to believe we got to keep choosing each other.”

My twin and I ended things 3 weeks ago.
It was a beautiful love affair that ended because we came to an impasse, not because we stopped loving each other.
We've had brief contact since, but we're both trying to move forward because it's too painful to speak.

Last night, I re downloaded a dating app.
I wasn't even excited about it, I was just trying to take one tiny step forward and distract myself.

I open the app and in the "compatibility" section, whose profile is staring back at me?
My twin.
Apparently, we both decided to get back on the app at the same time.

I actually laughed out loud and then immediately started crying.
It somehow managed to be both hilarious and absolutely gut wrenching.
What are the odds? We live in a very populated area.

Two exes should never have to see each other's dating profiles, let alone have the algorithm decide,
"You know who you'd be really compatible with? The person you just had your heart broken by."
It honestly made me feel sick to my stomach. I deleted the app.

I’m not sure what cruel joke the universe was trying to play. Perhaps telling me he’s trying to move on and so should I?

I feel the love is not complete with each other and we will meet again. Maybe it will never feel complete? Friends in my life don’t understand. I feel so alone and frustrated. I don’t know what happens from here but I’m scared.

I wrote something for you about what I’ve been realizing during the grieving process.
In still going through the first step but this is giving my heart a lot of anxiety and pain.

We all know how heartbreak ends. We heal. We love again. The hard part is realizing that’s exactly what makes healing hurt.

No one talks about the second heartbreak.
The first is losing someone you love.
The second is realizing
you won’t miss them this way forever.
At first,
that sounds like healing.
Until you understand
what healing asks of you.
That’s the part I’m grieving.
Not losing them.
I already did.
I’m grieving the day
they’re no longer the first person
my heart reaches for.
The day someone else’s laugh
becomes the one I wait to hear.
Someone else’s hand
becomes the one I instinctively reach for.
The day they stop feeling like home.
That feels like another goodbye.
It feels almost like a betrayal.
As though loving again
would somehow diminish
the love that came before.
But moving on
isn’t leaving them behind.
It’s learning
to make a home for them
inside my heart
instead of my future.
Some days,
that feels
like another goodbye.

His last message to me was 5 days ago.

“All I can say is I don’t regret a single second of my time spent with you and wish we had longer. I always knew the day would come when I would meet someone and the only thing that would keep us apart would be the one non negotiable for me. I do truly wish we had a chance to fully explore what we could have been. At the same time I don’t know if it’s best we didn’t bc it does hurt saying goodbye. In some ways maybe it hurt more knowing all of this. But despite that I still go back to my original statement of not regretting any of it.

I know you’ll find what you are looking for and you deserve every bit of the happiness that will bring.

I don’t know where things go from here either. It saddens me to think I’ll never see you again but I’m always here for you no matter what and I will always love you. That will never change.”

We both mutually agreed to end things because we came to an impasse with future goals.

I’m very much in love with him and absolutely devastated. I want to reach out soon but feel it’s best to let things be. I couldn’t tell by his message if this was final.

Here I am, smiling on the outside but crying on the inside.
I put on a brave face for the world, pretending everything is okay.
I keep being strong for everyone else, hoping that if I fake it long enough, one day it will finally become true.
But the truth is, all I want to do is break down.
You’re on my mind countless times throughout the day.
I catch myself searching for your face in strangers, hoping for just a second that it’s you.
Sometimes I get lost in the clouds, replaying a memory of us.
Other times, a familiar scent stops me in my tracks and suddenly you’re everywhere.
I keep looking for you, but you aren’t there.
The daytime is easier because I’m busy, distracted by life.
But when night slowly creeps in and I’m finally alone, everything I’ve been holding back comes pouring out.
I close my eyes and imagine holding you again, seeing those beautiful blue eyes looking into my soul.
I can’t even listen to music anymore.
I drive in silence now. Somehow, I prefer it.
Everything hurts.
The only thing I truly look forward to is sleep, because maybe I’ll dream of you, and for a little while we can be together again.
When does this pain end?
I know people say time heals all wounds, but this feels like the kind of heartbreak that will take a very long time to carry.
It feels as though my heart has been ripped from my chest.
Are you hurting too?
Here’s to another lonely night and hopefully, beautiful dreams of you.

I got the courage to send you the letter.
I finally spilled my heart out and said all the things I had been carrying.
And I got closure.
Not exactly the closure I wanted or the words I secretly hoped I’d hear, but closure nonetheless.

A small part of me still hoped you would say something different.
I knew going into it that you might not respond at all, or that your response might be short and simple.
But instead, you sent me something beautiful.
You responded with kindness, love, and care.
And as hard as it was to accept, it gave me the closure I needed.
I didn’t reply because what would we have done?
Continued going back and forth saying, “I’ll always miss you” and “I’ll always love you”?
At some point, there has to be a place where we stop holding on and allow each other to heal.
I know time really does soften the sharp edges.
I know that from past heartbreaks and losses in my life.
But this one is going to be a hard one to move through. You were someone who mattered deeply to me, and losing the possibility of what we could have been hurts.
Maybe this is the boundary I need right now not because I don’t care, but because I do.
We need space to heal, and space to move forward.

Maybe someday, when enough time has passed, I’ll reach out and see how you’re doing.
Maybe we’ll find our way back to a friendship, because before anything else, we had a beautiful friendship that I’ll always be grateful for.
But right now, I need to let you go. I love you.

I’ve been debating whether to send this, but after some time to process, there were still things I didn’t get to say.

I was a little shocked when you told me you loved me. I don’t know if knowing that made things easier or harder, but it’s a strange kind of heartbreak to say
“I love you” and “goodbye” in the same sentence.

I know expressing your feelings doesn’t always come easily, and I spent time wondering what you truly felt about me.
There were moments where I looked for reassurance because I just wanted to know my feelings were shared.

Even though I only got to hear you say those words once, I’m happy I did.

We both knew this ending was coming sooner rather than later. We talked about it before my trip, but I didn’t know when it would actually happen.

I think we both avoided having an official goodbye in person because it would have been too painful. There’s never a perfect way to say goodbye, but I’m so grateful we got to have those last few days together.

A part of me wishes I had known it was the last time I would see you.
I would have kissed you a little longer, hugged you a little tighter, and memorized one more look at you. But that’s not how life works. We don’t always know when a moment becomes the last moment.

I think the hardest part of this isn’t only losing someone I love, but losing the friendship we built.
You became someone I could talk to about anything.
You stimulated my mind, calmed me, and brought out a version of myself that I really loved.

I think that’s where the heart gets complicated.
My brain knows our futures didn’t align, but my heart doesn’t experience it that way. The connection was real, and so were the reasons we couldn’t continue.

We care about each other deeply, but we also know there are parts of ourselves we have to hold back because we understood where this would eventually lead.

For me, I think there will always be a part of me that wonders what could have been.
Maybe that’s the part I’m grieving the most knowing there was something special between us, but also knowing we never got the chance to fully explore what it could have become.

Even so, I’m so glad you came into my life.

I wish you could see yourself through my eyes because you truly are an incredible human being.
I see the good in you, the depth in you, and the parts of you that maybe you have a hard time seeing yourself.
I know that one day you will find joy and have the beautiful life you deserve.

I don’t know what happens from here. I just wanted you to know how I feel.

I’ve been on Reta for 8 weeks now. First month I was at 0.5 mg, then bumped to 0.75 mg, and this week I started 1 mg. It’s a 12 mg vial, and I’ve had it refrigerated this whole time.

Question for people more experienced with Retatrutide and the shelf life- does it start losing potency or “going bad” after being reconstituted this long, even if kept in the fridge? I still have a few more doses left. Should I toss it ?