u/Active_Watch_6733

I've been doing some stuff online I'm not proud of, on and off through the years. It usually happens when I feel rejected. It started with Omegle when I was 17, then I stopped, then at 21 I had a crush and he rejected me and I created a secret ig account and now I'm 27 and I'm feeling urges to do the same thing again because the 21 crush reached out and not even 5 words into the convo he just left me on read. And idk, I just feel no one likes me or desires me, and idk, it's sad. I feel like a loser. I've never published stuff like that in my official accounts though, I don't even publish my face in my personal accounts. I posted a picture today on a second fb acct and I deleted it because I know it is not right.

I don't know how to up my game with my self esteem, I don't tell myself anything bad, it's just that I feel bad, I would like for someone to like me but I also feel no one will ever be enough because there's something wrong with me.

TL:DR: all troughout my life guys have stated, my teeth are crooked, my ass is little, I'm getting bald, my eyebrows are all over the place and even though all of the guys that have been interested have said "they are crazy for me" 99% has backed up and decided to do nothing about it. Am I someone people don't want to be associated with?

For real, my earliest recall of this was when I was 15. This guy in my class liked me a lot and one day he just looked at me and said, "you could look better but your eyebrows, they are all over the place". Needless to say, that never flourished, even though he liked me A LOT he couldn't be caught dead saying he liked me in public and he never made a move.

Ok, fast forward 7 years, I'm 22, I meet this guy at work and he has the hornies for me, I have the hornies for him, one day we are talking and I laughed, he looks at the huge space I have between my fang and my first molar (1.5cm) and makes this yuck face. He seemed to actually want to move forward but never invited me on a date or anything to actually make it happen.

Next, let's fast forward 3 years, I'm 25, I finally got a boyfriend. He had the hornies for me. The first time he met me we met in a desolated park at 10pm like in a noir film and he looks at my head and says "oh, you are bald like my mom" (I have fine hair) either way we did our thing, and he LOVED it, he even asked me to be his girlfriend right after and marry him multiple times. We lasted 9 months.

However, after all the horny high settled every time we went on a date he always looked around scared to see if anyone was looking and didn't want to be associated with me.

And he also criticized my clothing style saying "you look like a thug" or "why do you dress like that" . Geesh, excuse me for not being fricking Victoria Beckham.

Anyways, all of these dudes absolutely wanted to bone me to death and explicitly said, all of them, stated they "are crazy for me" exact words. However there is always something in me that scares them or throws them off.

I just feel so good with my body, how it is, you know, and I dress freely. But idk, like, should I fix all of this stuff, or maybe I should try to just enrich myself culturally?

Everyone is embarrassed as f and thinks I'm crazy/autistic/weird etc, etc. But I'm low-key an engineer and I have a job.

I also hang out with my mom (70yo) a lot and that might also contribute to this image(?

Idk, maybe I'm not a woman guys want to be associated with?

Up until my 24th birthday I was a very horny person, then I got a boyfriend and it was very disappointing, he was very demanding of the sex and desire was more like a chore. It lasted 9 months. Since then I can't cum, I don't have libido, if I do it is like a really soft orgasm, not like what I'm used to, something that completely depletes your energy and leaves you like you're going through an exorcism. I used to wish to not have a libido before but "be Careful what you wish for" is very true. I'm 27 now, I don't take birth control, I stopped using makeup, not sure if acrylic nails could be doing that.

Edit: when I mean orgasm I mean self made orgasms via masturbation

Ya estoy en la mitad de mi vida y desde pequeña nunca pude conectar con absolutamente nadie, excepto ser tolerada por mi familia, nunca fui aceptada por mis pares en ningún momento de mi vida, siempre he recibido maltratos o indiferencia.

Solo logré tener una amiga, pero ya somos grandes y tiene su pareja así que obviamente su tiempo libre lo dedica a él.

Nunca crecí, siempre me sentí culpable de haberme vuelto "una mujer" desde que tuve mi primera menstruación, mi padre es un hombre de otra época, se sentía avergonzado y había muchos tabús en mi casa. Y sentí que no era aceptable que yo fuese algo más que una niña de 8 años.

Hace unos años mi padre tuvo que viajar por negocios y en ese momento aproveché para buscar un novio y vivir la experiencia, nunca logré amarlo ni tampoco tuve relaciones sexuales como tal con él y la realidad es que él no me aceptaba como era tampoco, luego mi padre volvió, lo dejé y todo siguió como antes.

El punto es que no soy aceptada por nadie, no soy muy amorosa tampoco porque en mi casa es así y no sé si es que tengo autismo o algo así pero siempre he estado en otra frecuencia.

Debería resignarme a que después de que mis papás fallezcan voy a tener que enfrentarme a que de verdad estoy completamente sola?

TL:DR; A past situationship that ended non amicable texted me after two years of no contact, then blocks me, then unblocks me, then I reach out to see what's the fuss and he's treating me like I was the one chasing him in the first place. I just feel embarrassed because I treated with empathy and the best intentions, someone who sucks and relates to people with bad intentions.

Basically he texted me like two weeks ago. It's been around 2 years since the last time we spoke and the last time we spoke he told me he didn't like me and was mad at me.

He texted me again and I didn't open the message for two days or so, then he blocks me, then I try to reach out saying I've been busy with work and sorry about that. Then he unblocks me, but doesn't text me.

Then I text him, he replies very dry and I just pushed a bit more to get a response. He replied again super dry and I just let it be. But I honestly don't get why he texted me... Just stay in your lane. It's kind of just to humiliate me.

Next time, I hope there isn't one but I'm going to 🖕 his face. I was painfully too nice! And he was acting like I was the one reaching out in the first place and he was being "non-chalant" about it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. GFU Juan!!!