u/Aggressive-Cup2953

I’m not sure if this is an appropriate group to post in but here it goes. My mother is my primary childcare provider. She has a roommate who has been battling stomach cancer for 2.5 years now. He had multiple rounds of chemo (not radiation but something that begins with an f if I remember correctly but I can’t recall the exact name) ending 1.5 years ago and has since been taking some sort of pill every month or so. He is usually in his room but sometimes comes out when my 4 year old is there. He is fond of her and it isn’t unusual for her to sit on his lap or them to play blocks for example usually for shorter periods of time. He even has kissed her cheek while actively undergoing chemo. I had no idea about the idea that he could be toxic to her due to his treatment. He always uses his own private bathroom and the apartment is professionally cleaned every 2 weeks. My daughter never goes in his room but the living room furniture is shared by everyone. But he has a reputation for not being great with his hygiene and not changing clothes regularly for example.

My daughter also happens to have a 50% chance of having a gene that makes her higher risk for cancer herself one day. I have been reading articles about second hand exposure to chemo in the environment and having terrible anxiety. What about ongoing risk remaining in the environment from his past chemo (like on the furniture) or even the pill he is now taking (which is administered to him at the hospital.) I hope I’m being paranoid. (I apologize if I have offended anyone )

My mother is my primary childcare provider. She has a roommate who has been battling stomach cancer for 2.5 years now. He had multiple rounds of chemo (not radiation but something that begins with an f if I remember correctly but I can’t recall the exact name) ending 1.5 years ago and has since been taking some sort of pill every month or so. He is usually in his room but sometimes comes out when my 4 year old is there. He is fond of her and it isn’t unusual for her to sit on his lap or them to play blocks for example usually for shorter periods of time. He even has kissed her cheek while actively undergoing chemo. I had no idea about the idea that he could be toxic to her due to his treatment. He always uses his own private bathroom and the apartment is professionally cleaned every 2 weeks. My daughter never goes in his room but the living room furniture is shared by everyone. But he has a reputation for not being great with his hygiene and not changing clothes regularly for example.

My daughter also happens to have a 50% chance of having a gene that makes her higher risk for cancer herself one day. I have been reading articles about second hand exposure to chemo in the environment and having terrible anxiety. Should I be worried? What about ongoing risk remaining in the environment from his past chemo (like on the furniture) or even the pill he is now taking (which is administered to him at the hospital.) I hope I’m being paranoid. (I apologize if I have offended anyone )

Since joining this sub a few months ago I notice a recurring topic of nanny vs babysitter. I understand why some Nannie’s are motivated to separate themselves from just a babysitter role (ie better compensation, professional treatment, benefits etc). However, some NP seem to be using this as ammunition to expect, what I consider, is too much from the role. For example, there was a post yesterday about a nanny who wasn’t participating directly in playing with NKs (who were entertaining each other) but instead monitoring for the sidelines, paying attention to them and engaging with them more through speaking (not immersed in her phone or anything.) This sounds like a typical scenario for me as a nanny. Sometimes I participate more directly but probably more often monitoring closely at a bit of a distance.

There were several comments basically saying this nanny is low quality and more like a “Facebook babysitter instead of a nanny.” I feel like this is unfair. First of all we aren’t often paid much more than a babysitter hourly. Usually the only additional perks are maybe a few sick days while rarely there may be other benefits involved. But to me, as a nanny the NF is primarily paying for 1) usually the addition of extra chores from babysitting (NK laundry/dishes) 2) the consistent long term commitment 3) the RELATIONSHIP you form with the children overtime and the trust level involved. 4) Not having to use a daycare and deal with sickness, pick up/drop off, routine disruption etc. Supervising the children by itself requires such a high level of attention to safety. This idea that you should be constantly “go, go, go” and running around playing, coming up with art projects, singing, dancing 100% of the time seems very unreasonable to me.

Even Nannie’s making higher end income are still not making much compared the NPs for example (who seem to often have so much time on their hands to micromanage, over monitor etc but I digress.) It’s still a menial position. We aren’t compensated like child psychologists, teachers, tutors, personal coaches and shouldn’t be expected to be playing all these different roles simultaneously. Am I wrong? I’m in my 40s so am I outdated in my thinking?

I posted this in another nanny group and while I realize it might be offensive to NP I it could also be helpful…

I quit an awful job 2 weeks ago and really need to start the process of looking for something else but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m still so salty and just dread doing this again. With all the WFH positions it’s become so damn awkward. These people have nothing better to do and want their cake and eat it too. They want to able to make big buck AND be stay at home parents but also they don’t want to do any of the work regarding their child. But you must stay at their disposal for when they want to occasionally (or even worse constantly) emerge from their office to play, often undermine your authority and disrupt everything. This means you must stay at their home and be miserable with them BUT you also must stay busy within their prison (even though there’s often nothing to do) or they’ll get angry.

They’re bored as hell shackled to their computer so you become their only entertainment and a convenient target to focus on/control. You’re supposed to be there for the parent’s emotional support too, often forced to socialize with them all throughout the day when the mood strikes them or be a target depending on their needs that day. They don’t want to watch their own kid but they sit behind their office door watching you on a camera criticizing/micromanaging EVERYTHING you do instead.

If their kid/baby likes you too much they’re threatened/jealous and constantly sabotage. If the kid doesn’t like you enough of course that’s a problem too. They invite you into their home in such an intimate way but then they want to make sure you stay separate and know that you’re “the help” but where do we turn for support when trapped in their home “alone” with them with this power imbalance? Do you think they consider what that’s like for a person? Most likely no. The self centered entitlement is crazy to me.

Can you tell I’m bitter? Lol. I just feel so negative about it now. Im sure there are still great families out there but I’ve had some terrible experiences recently. I think I may be done with nannying for awhile 😩

I quit an awful job 2 weeks ago and really need to start the process of looking for something else but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m still so salty and just dread doing this again. With all the WFH positions it’s become so damn awkward. These people have nothing better to do and want their cake and eat it too. They want to able to make big buck AND be stay at home parents but also they don’t want to do any of the work regarding their child. But you must stay at their disposal for when they want to occasionally (or even worse constantly) emerge from their office to play, often undermine your authority and disrupt everything. This means you must stay at their home and be miserable with them BUT you also must stay busy within their prison (even though there’s often nothing to do) or they’ll get angry.

They’re bored as hell shackled to their computer so you become their only entertainment and a convenient target to focus on/control. You’re supposed to be there for the parent’s emotional support too often forced to socialize with them all throughout the day when the mood strikes them or be a target depending on their needs that day. They don’t want to watch their own kid but they sit behind their office door watching you on a camera criticizing/micromanaging EVERYTHING you do instead.

If their kid/baby likes you too much they’re threatened/jealous and constantly sabotage. If the kid doesn’t like you enough of course that’s a problem too. They invite you into their home in such an intimate way but then they want to make sure you stay separate and know that you’re “the help” but where do we turn for support when trapped in their home “alone” with them with this power imbalance? Do you think they consider what that’s like for a person? Most likely no. The self centered entitlement is crazy to me.

Can you tell I’m bitter? Lol. I just feel so negative about it now. Im sure there are still great families out there but I’ve had some terrible experiences recently. I think I may be done with nannying for awhile 😩

I’m a 45 year old woman with a 47 year old boyfriend. We have been together for 5 years. When we first started dating I was in the process of freezing my eggs. He was aware of this and therefore he has known from the beginning my wishes regarding having children. After years of online dating I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to find this man. He is tall, good looking, educated, has a great government job that he’s had for 20+ years, comes from a large, great family that lives close by and has never been married and no kids which is a rarity at our age.

I know he has had a string of long term relationships throughout his life (one lasted 10+ years) that never materialized into marriage. We have discussed buying a house together but I feel strongly that we need to be married first. He clearly knows my wishes but gets cold feet and pulls back anytime these issues are mentioned. I’m starting to feel like my dreams won’t be coming true at this point and I’m angry that I’ve wasted these 5 precious years of my time. I feel my dating options for a similar man will really be limited at this point. I know this is just a pipe dream at this point. What do I do?

During my last job the parents practically begged me to bring my 4 year old daughter to play with their 1 year old. The baby was quite isolated so they loved the socialization and the way she would tire the baby out playing. Honestly, I had childcare and would have preferred not to bring my daughter because the part time job was literally my only 15 hours per week away from her lol. But once I brought her once they LOVED it and INSISTED I keep bringing her. I feel like there are NPs out there who want to create their own little “island” at home because they’re all WFH now and see my child as a socialization opportunity. This issue has come up multiple times since I started part time nannying again after having my daughter. I’ve had another offer recently from a doctors moving in soon from the west coast with an autistic 5 year old boy who isn’t in school. Again, I’m thinking they’re probably seeking the socialization.
I prefer not to have this. How do I handle this?

**Edit: for those of you who can’t fathom how this was possibly preferable to these NP here are more details.. My daughter is especially cute, friendly and cooperative (if I do say so myself:) and would chase the baby around the table and played like a “big sister” role. The baby’s face would light up and she’d squeal with delight when I’d walk in with my daughter. The baby would laugh and smile MUCH more than when it was just me alone. She would cry hysterically when my daughter would leave. It was OBVIOUSLY a much better, more stimulating experience for the baby when my daughter was there and the parents understood and valued this. I rewarded my daughter for her cooperation everytime by buying her a toy on the way home. It just wasn’t something that I wanted because it made more work for me to have to monitor both of them and frankly it did almost feel like my daughter was like an employee too and this put a bad taste in my mouth. I didn’t like it for me personally.
**Also they did not try to pay me less. They paid me the typical rate in our area of $25/hour for their 1 child.

I work for a NF part time for 4 years ending in 2021 when I gave birth to my daughter. I haven’t nannied since (besides a few short term positions) but I’m now in the market for another part time position. I ended with this family on “good” terms but there was a little bit of drama/confusion about whether or not I would continue to work for them. I asked them to write me a letter of recommendation when I was leaving but MB refused and said she would just provide references as needed. In the handful of times I’ve communicated with them since the job ended she has always been friendly. I’ve had to use them a number of times for references and I’m wondering if this has been annoying to MB. Not to be snarky, but I know that she considers herself a very important person (Ivy League professor) and her time is valuable and I could see her just deciding not to respond bc she can’t be bothered. I havent communicated with them in a few years but I reached out via email last week just to thank them for the ongoing references and sent them a pic of me and my daughter. They never responded. Because of the nature of my changing schedule I will probably continue to need this important long term reference as my jobs change a lot. Is it nervy to expect them to continue to provide references 5 years later? What is the standard here?

I’m a 43 year old female who had a baby (my only child) 4.5 years ago. I gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy and lost 60 lbs pretty much immediately after having the baby and reached my goal of 160 lbs (I’m 5’7”). Since then I have steadily gained back over 30 lbs over the last 2.5 years or so. I have struggled with my weight on/off since childhood. I’ve always considered this almost a blessing because I’m very good at losing weight when I make a strict decision that I’m going to. I’ve always been successful at dieting almost to a fault like losing too much weight even at times and being too strict. However, I have had the new experience in recent months of really wanting to lose weight but not being able to stick to my plan consistently EVERYDAY. Like I’ll stick to my plan for a few days and then find myself losing my focus and binge eating at night a couple times a week, enough to sabotage all my progress. I feel like it’s because I’ve never had so much to juggle between my 4 year old and working 2 jobs I just feel like I’ve lost my fire and I find myself exhausted and losing focus. This has been upsetting because it’s so unusual for me. I’m great with exercise and in fact enjoy going to the gym almost every day. How can I get my eating under control?

I’m a 43 year old female who had a baby (my only child) 4.5 years ago. I gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy and lost 60 lbs pretty much immediately after having the baby and reached my goal of 160 lbs (I’m 5’7”). Since then I have steadily gained back over 30 lbs over the last 2.5 years or so. I have struggled with my weight on/off since childhood. I’ve always considered this almost a blessing because I’m very good at losing weight when I make a strict decision that I’m going to. I’ve always been successful at dieting almost to a fault like losing too much weight even at times and being too strict. However, I have had the new experience in recent months of really wanting to lose weight but not being able to stick to my plan consistently EVERYDAY. Like I’ll stick to my plan for a few days and then find myself losing my focus and binge eating at night a couple times a week, enough to sabotage all my progress. I feel like it’s because I’ve never had so much to juggle between my 4 year old and working 2 jobs I just feel like I’ve lost my fire and I find myself exhausted and losing focus. This has been upsetting because it’s so unusual for me. I’m great with exercise and in fact enjoy going to the gym almost every day. How can I get my eating under control?

I’m a 43 year old female who had a baby (my only child) 4.5 years ago. I gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy and lost 60 lbs pretty much immediately after having the baby and reached my goal of 160 lbs (I’m 5’7”). Since then I have steadily gained back over 30 lbs over the last 2.5 years or so. I have struggled with my weight on/off since childhood. I’ve always considered this almost a blessing because I’m very good at losing weight when I make a strict decision that I’m going to. I’ve always been successful at dieting almost to a fault like losing too much weight even at times and being too strict. However, I have had the new experience in recent months of really wanting to lose weight but not being able to stick to my plan consistently EVERYDAY. Like I’ll stick to my plan for a few days and then find myself losing my focus and binge eating at night a couple times a week, enough to sabotage all my progress. I feel like it’s because I’ve never had so much to juggle between my 4 year old and working 2 jobs I just feel like I’ve lost my fire and I find myself exhausted and losing focus. This has been upsetting because it’s so unusual for me. I’m great with exercise and in fact enjoy going to the gym almost every day. How can I get my eating under control?

I saw a post yesterday about the idea of a nanny moving states to be with their NF and it got me thinking about the level of sacrifices some families expect and some of my experiences. I’m a career nanny/ teacher who has dedicated the majority of my adult life to the care and development of other people’s children (20 years.) While it has been rewarding at times there have been many disheartening experiences. There was another post recently where someone mentioned how they no longer want to have their own children because of the burn out they are experiencing as a nanny. I totally relate. Years ago I would find myself so exhausted by the end of the week that I had literally no energy for my own life.

I finally came to a cross road at 37 years old I decided I needed to have my own child or it would be too late. I got pregnant and let my NF who I had worked for for 4 years know. They were “nice” about it but started treating me differently. They clearly saw me as less valuable bc I had the nerve to do a major thing in my own life. They even sent their sick kid to me during Covid while I was pregnant. The plan was for me to continue working for them but they let me know shortly before my daughter was born that wouldn’t be happening.

I have had numerous experiences like this nannying where the NF were wonderful to me until the second I presented some inconvenience and the tone would completely change. My point here is not to be negative towards nannying but please don’t make any major life decisions based upon loyalty to these families. I know how easy it can be to get wrapped up in their life and forget about your own because they often groom us to think this way and of course we love the children. Just be mindful.