u/AgreeableCherry5797

I think my BED disorder started when I was a preteen, I think I was in the sixth grade. My mom sat me down and told me that I was eating too much, I began to eat a lot for a day so i wouldn’t eat anything the next day.

During quarantine I gained a lot and now I’m trying to lose it but i can’t seem to control myself and i feel so guilty. I want to stay in shape, i want to love myself but my mom is convincing me that my boyfriend won’t want me soon because i keep gaining. I feel like crying everytime i eat something unhealthy or a big amount of food.

I want to know if anyone’s been in my shoes and with a parent like mines and how they managed to recover from BED? Some days I really do try to work out but once I see something I really enjoy, i can’t seem to stop myself

I (17F) don’t really get along with my mom (52), we have the same but very different personalities. She’s very uptight and strict.

Between December and January for two weeks, I was off school for Christmas break so I went to visit my boyfriend and his family (he’s in the army so i barely get to see him) this was the first time I have ever seen him since he graduated bootcamp in September so I asked my mom for permission to go and she said yes. I thanked her, I spent two weeks with my boyfriend and his family celebrating Christmas and New Years.

I came back January 2, she asked me how it was spending time with his family, I told her that they liked me, that we went out a lot and they treated me well and that was the end of it.

A few days ago, we sat down for dinner and she stared at me. She asked me “Did you sleep with him? Did you have sex with boyfriend’s name?” I nervously laughed and said no, she said not to lie to her because ever since I came back from his state I seemed “different”. She began to press me and I admitted to her that yes I did have sex with him but why did it take her months to say something. She began to shame me, saying these specific things
“You have to marry him now, if you break up with him no man is going to want you because you’re used up now”
“No man wants a wife that has been touched/used by another man”
“Thank God you didn’t come back pregnant, I would have given it to you” (she meant hitting me)

I told her that it wasn’t any different from her sleeping around at my age, and I remember because she proudly told me about it when I was 12. She told me to shut my mouth but then i mentioned the fact that she also got involved with a married man (my dad who passed away a year ago) she was 27 when she met him, he was 40 something. I asked her why she didn’t marry the guy she first slept with and she said “that’s different” she said some hurtful things to me but now she’s giving me the silent treatment

I questioned why she treated me differently from my older brothers, I remember when she found out that they started to have sexual intercourse with girls and all she told them was to be careful and use protection.

She called me a b!tch for questioning her and I feel like the asshole now 😪 I feel like I’m in the wrong but my boyfriend said that I was just standing up for myself

Edit: she has always been like this to me, I remember being 13 and telling her that I missed my period for almost 3 months. What was her first thought? That I was pregnant, we went to the doctors and we got told that it was just my hormones 🫤 anytime I mention that i don’t feel so good such as being tired, napping too much, or headaches, she immediately thinks I am pregnant and sometimes accuses me of cheating on my boyfriend because we are long distance as of right now. A few months ago she told me that the only reason why my boyfriend settled for me was because I was his last option, that he felt bad for me which is crazy because he literally made the first move on me

I want to know if anyone has gone through this and what to do?