u/Annual_Tax_9556

Salam everyone,

I’ve been speaking to a potential for a while now and we recently had a serious discussion about marriage, career and children. Early on I asked about kids because I believe these are things that should be discussed before people get too attached.

I told her ideally I’d want at least 3 children one day inshallah while she always said 2 because as a woman she understands the physical and mental sacrifice pregnancy and motherhood come with. I respected that even if I saw things differently.

Recently I asked her hypothetically if one day she genuinely couldn’t fully balance career, marriage and motherhood equally, which one she’d naturally prioritise most. She said the question felt like a trap but then answered honestly and said career would always be her top priority even if it meant postponing children. She also said she wants to move abroad, build a strong future and put most of her energy into building a career first before “the rest”.

Now I’m conflicted because for me personally, career has always been more of a tool to support the people I love. Marriage and fatherhood are probably the biggest things I look forward to in life. Earning a lot of money means very little to me if I can’t use it to build a meaningful family life.

I don’t think she’s a bad person at all and I actually appreciate how honest she was instead of pretending. But now I’m wondering if this is just a fundamental incompatibility in life vision that I’m trying to ignore because I’m emotionally attached.

Has anyone else dealt with something similar? Did it work out long term or did the difference in priorities eventually become a bigger issue?

Salam everyone,

I’m speaking to a potential and early on one of the first serious questions I asked was about children because for me compatibility on big life topics matters. At the start I said ideally I’d want at least 3 kids inshallah and she said she wanted 2. We discussed it and I thought we were at least on the same page enough to continue getting to know each other.

Now after months of talking she’s become much firmer on only wanting 2 and told me that me thinking deeply about this topic is “illogical” and that I should not focus on numbers this much. Her argument is that as a woman she understands the sacrifice of pregnancy/children more deeply and doesn’t want me acting like I can just decide a number.

I completely understand and respect that it affects the woman way more physically mentally and emotionally. But at the same time I feel confused because this is exactly why I asked early on, so neither of us wastes time if we fundamentally disagree on something major.

The thing stressing me more is that recently it feels like every serious topic turns into tension and when I directly asked her what she actually wants from us moving forward she basically answered with nothing. I genuinely like this person and I’m willing to take steps most people around me would probably say are “too much”, but now I’m starting to wonder if this is her indirectly losing interest or wanting things to end without saying it directly.

Am I overthinking this or does this sound like someone slowly checking out emotionally?

I’m currently doing an MSc in Computer Science and I’ve got the opportunity to join a very early-stage startup started by a few graduates. The thing is, none of them are technical, so I’d basically be the one building everything from scratch (web app, backend, architecture etc).

There’s no salary right now and honestly I’m mainly considering it for the experience rather than money. My thinking is that having actual startup/company experience on my CV would look stronger than only personal projects when applying for junior software engineering roles or grad schemes.

A few questions:

- Does this type of experience genuinely help for junior/grad SWE roles?

- At what point does it start looking “legit” on a CV? (6 months? 1 year?)

- How do recruiters usually view unpaid early-stage startup experience?

- Anything I should be careful about before joining?

- What kinds of projects/features would be most valuable to build there from a career perspective?

Would appreciate honest advice from people in tech/recruiting/startups.

Had my first Restart Scheme appointment today and I’m stressed/confused about whether I’ve messed up or not.

The adviser wanted me to sign multiple documents on the PC, including consent/data sharing stuff and apparently sending my CV to employers on my behalf. At first he was basically scrolling through it and expecting me to sign, so I asked to actually read the documents properly before agreeing to anything.

After reading them, I said I wasn’t comfortable signing consent/data sharing forms or agreeing to third-party sharing beyond what’s legally required. I still said I was willing to engage with the scheme and attend appointments, but I didn’t want to sign everything immediately.

The adviser then ended the appointment, told me he’d contact UC, and afterwards my UC appointment got moved closer. I also never got any portal login/details because the appointment basically stopped there.

I sent a journal message straight after explaining that I attended and was willing to engage but didn’t want to sign consent forms.

Am I actually in trouble here? Can I get sanctioned just for refusing to sign provider paperwork/data sharing forms? Or was I within my rights to read and refuse them?

Had my first Restart Scheme appointment today and I’m stressed/confused about whether I’ve messed up or not.

The adviser wanted me to sign multiple documents on the PC, including consent/data sharing stuff and apparently sending my CV to employers on my behalf. At first he was basically scrolling through it and expecting me to sign, so I asked to actually read the documents properly before agreeing to anything.

After reading them, I said I wasn’t comfortable signing consent/data sharing forms or agreeing to third-party sharing beyond what’s legally required. I still said I was willing to engage with the scheme and attend appointments, but I didn’t want to sign everything immediately.

The adviser then ended the appointment, told me he’d contact UC, and afterwards my UC appointment got moved closer. I also never got any portal login/details because the appointment basically stopped there.

I sent a journal message straight after explaining that I attended and was willing to engage but didn’t want to sign consent forms.

Am I actually in trouble here? Can I get sanctioned just for refusing to sign provider paperwork/data sharing forms? Or was I within my rights to read and refuse them?

Salam everyone,

I’ve been speaking to a potential recently and overall she’s a good person alhamdulillah, practicing, mature and we align on a lot of important things. One topic that came up though was feminism.

She considers herself a feminist, but personally I told her I struggle with the label because while there are things like women’s education, safety, dignity and fair treatment that Islam already supports, there are also parts of modern feminism that I feel clearly clash with Islam in terms of gender roles, obedience in marriage, family structure, modesty etc.

The issue is she still feels comfortable identifying with the term even after I explained why I’m cautious about it. I’m trying to approach this respectfully and not emotionally because I know people define feminism differently nowadays.

For Muslims who’ve dealt with this topic before:

- How would you explain the Islamic perspective on this properly without sounding harsh?

- Is it more important to focus on the label itself or her actual beliefs/views?

- Has anyone here had a successful marriage despite different views on this topic?

- At what point does it become an actual incompatibility rather than just semantics?

Would appreciate honest advice especially from married people or those with knowledge.

Salam everyone,

I’ve been speaking to a potential recently and overall she’s a good person alhamdulillah, practicing, mature and we align on a lot of important things. One topic that came up though was feminism.

She considers herself a feminist, but personally I told her I struggle with the label because while there are things like women’s education, safety, dignity and fair treatment that Islam already supports, there are also parts of modern feminism that I feel clearly clash with Islam in terms of gender roles, obedience in marriage, family structure, modesty etc.

The issue is she still feels comfortable identifying with the term even after I explained why I’m cautious about it. I’m trying to approach this respectfully and not emotionally because I know people define feminism differently nowadays.

For Muslims who’ve dealt with this topic before:

- How would you explain the Islamic perspective on this properly without sounding harsh?

- Is it more important to focus on the label itself or her actual beliefs/views?

- Has anyone here had a successful marriage despite different views on this topic?

- At what point does it become an actual incompatibility rather than just semantics?

Would appreciate honest advice especially from married people or those with knowledge.

I graduated in Computer Science and I genuinely feel like I have solid technical skills and projects on my CV. I’ve built full-stack apps, AI/computer vision projects, worked with Python, React, SQL, etc., and I can actually talk through the tech in depth during assessments or coding tasks.

The issue is I’m barely getting interviews in the first place. It feels like every “entry-level” role wants previous industry experience, internships, placement years, commercial projects, or 2+ years experience.

I’m at the point where I’m wondering if adding a small internship experience to my CV would even be that bad if I can genuinely back up the skills. Like saying I worked at a small startup that no longer exists or something similar.

I know ethically it’s questionable, and part of me feels guilty even thinking about it, but it’s frustrating seeing people with weaker technical ability getting through because they tick the “experience” box.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Did you eventually break through without industry experience, or is the market basically forcing grads into exaggerating their CVs now?

Would appreciate honest opinions rather than just “don’t do it” without explanation.

Hi everyone,

I’m Finnish but I’ve lived in the UK since 2011 and I currently have settled status. I’m currently looking into the best route to marry my potential who lives abroad (Algeria), and I wanted to ask for advice from people who’ve actually gone through this process.

At first I was thinking about marrying abroad and then applying for the spouse visa afterwards, but after researching a bit more, the fiancé visa route seems like it might be easier/faster if the end goal is living together in the UK anyway.

I had a few questions:

• How difficult is the UK fiancé visa process in reality?
• What documents/evidence did you need?
• How long did the fiancé visa take for you?
• After marriage in the UK, how difficult was switching to the spouse visa?
• Is the fiancé visa route significantly more expensive overall?
• Did anyone regret marrying abroad first instead?
• If you married abroad first, how long did the spouse visa process take?
• Any hidden complications/issues you wish you knew earlier?
• Does having settled status instead of British citizenship change anything major in the process?

Would really appreciate advice from people with personal experience, especially if your spouse was from North Africa/MENA countries. Thanks!

Hi everyone,

I’m Finnish but I’ve lived in the UK since 2011 and I currently have settled status. I’m currently looking into the best route to marry my potential who lives abroad (Algeria), and I wanted to ask for advice from people who’ve actually gone through this process.

At first I was thinking about marrying abroad and then applying for the spouse visa afterwards, but after researching a bit more, the fiancé visa route seems like it might be easier/faster if the end goal is living together in the UK anyway.

I had a few questions:

• How difficult is the UK fiancé visa process in reality?
• What documents/evidence did you need?
• How long did the fiancé visa take for you?
• After marriage in the UK, how difficult was switching to the spouse visa?
• Is the fiancé visa route significantly more expensive overall?
• Did anyone regret marrying abroad first instead?
• If you married abroad first, how long did the spouse visa process take?
• Any hidden complications/issues you wish you knew earlier?
• Does having settled status instead of British citizenship change anything major in the process?

Would really appreciate advice from people with personal experience, especially if your spouse was from North Africa/MENA countries. Thanks!

Salam everyone, I wanted to ask if anyone here has experience marrying someone from Algeria while living abroad. We’re both Muslim alhamdulillah so I’m not really asking about the Islamic side of marriage itself, more the practical/cultural/legal side of things.

She lives in Algeria and I live in England (not Algerian myself) and I’m trying to understand how everything would realistically work if things became serious in the future inshallah.

I had a few questions:

- How difficult is the marriage paperwork in Algeria for a foreigner?

- What documents are usually needed from the non-Algerian side?

- Is the civil marriage process complicated there?

- Would I need translations/legalisation/apostille etc?

- How long does the process usually take realistically?

- Did any of you face issues from families because of ethnicity/cultural differences?

- How are interracial marriages generally viewed in Algeria nowadays?

- For those who brought their spouse to the UK/Europe after marriage, how difficult was the visa process?

- Did you do the nikkah and civil marriage together or separately?

- Is it easier to marry in Algeria or abroad?

- How did you deal with the language/cultural differences long term?

- Anything you wish you knew before starting the process?

Would really appreciate honest advice from people who actually went through something similar 😭

Salam, everyone, I wanted to ask if anyone here has experience marrying someone from Algeria while living abroad. We’re both Muslim alhamdulillah so I’m not really asking about the Islamic side of marriage itself, more the practical/cultural/legal side of things.

She lives in Algeria and I live in England (not Algerian myself) and I’m trying to understand how everything would realistically work if things became serious in the future inshallah.

I had a few questions:

- How difficult is the marriage paperwork in Algeria for a foreigner?

- What documents are usually needed from the non-Algerian side?

- Is the civil marriage process complicated there?

- Would I need translations/legalisation/apostille etc?

- How long does the process usually take realistically?

- Did any of you face issues from families because of ethnicity/cultural differences?

- How are interracial marriages generally viewed in Algeria nowadays?

- For those who brought their spouse to the UK/Europe after marriage, how difficult was the visa process?

- Did you do the nikkah and civil marriage together or separately?

- Is it easier to marry in Algeria or abroad?

- How did you deal with the language/cultural differences long term?

- Anything you wish you knew before starting the process?

Would really appreciate honest advice from people who actually went through something similar 😭

Salam everyone, I had a question regarding marrying an Algerian as someone who isn’t ethnically Algerian and I wanted to understand more about both the cultural and legal side of things.

How does the marriage process usually work in Algeria especially Islamically and culturally? Like the nikkah, civil marriage, family involvement, traditions etc. Also how difficult is the paperwork side if one person is foreign? For example visas, marriage certificates, translating/legalising documents and eventually bringing a spouse abroad after marriage.

I’m also curious how Algerian families generally view interracial/intercultural marriages nowadays and if there’s any customs or expectations someone outside the culture should know beforehand 😭

Would appreciate any advice or personal experiences from people who went through it.