u/Anonymous1382

I (34F) have a little bit of an outie. My labia minora are longer than my labia majora. My 35M husband (who had a very promiscuous past and looked at porn) apparently was only exposed to innie vulvas. How? I don’t know. I have a hard time believing he was as much of a big shot as he thought.

Upon seeing mine, mine was “different to him”. Even his ex (whom he still fantasizes about) had the aesthetic he preferred.

I want encouragement and to be told I’m not crazy. And honestly, research shows that “outies” are more prevalent in society than “innies”.

I also want to hear from men and their opinion on the fact that a 35 year old (“religious”) man thinks that he would choose a different looking vulva if he could.

(This isn’t even mentioning how he wishes my butt was bigger in size than it already is.)

Less than three years married.
All kinds of abuse. But the ones that hurt the most are the things spoken about my body.

My intimate areas / certain features aren’t the shape he prefers or the size he prefers. The shape of my lady part is not his preference. My butt isn’t the size he prefers (he almost didn’t date me because of this… then when married, he told me he would be more affectionate if my butt was bigger. So I put on weight, went up several jean sizes, and that didn’t work. Working on losing that weight now. Only about 10-15lb to go).

My stretch marks are a flaw.

He still fantasizes about his ex-girlfriend who dumped him 8 years ago.

He tells me he finds way more women all around to be attractive since being with me than before he was with me.

Yada yada. Pray, pray, pray. Spiritual warfare. God doesn’t like divorce. Covenant. Blah blah.

I’ve been with a man for years who makes me feel lesser than to everyone around and everyone in the past. Again, I haven’t even mentioned other things that truly are wildly abusive.

But just on these things…. Will you pray for me? I have not been able to muster the strength to leave. But I want to. I have my papers filled out. I don’t make good money to live independently, so that terrifies me. I will have to move states to go back to at least what was home. I don’t have anyone I can comfortably live with. I truly believe I’ve only stayed this long because of money.

I need an insane encounter with God to help me, guide me, strengthen me. I have not been able to pray anymore. I think I hate my husband. I at least resent him for the man he is. I for sure know I don’t feel like I love him whatsoever. And I am jaded towards God for not tangibly helping me in any way whatsoever all these years. It wouldn’t be hard for Him to guide me, but He doesn’t. So I don’t really believe in prayer anymore after years of not being helped in any way. But can you pray for me?

I just want some validation. But I also desperately need help finding the strength to keep going one way or another.

I’m 34F in an awful marriage. Leaving out the crazy abusive things I’ve been through, I’ve simply been made to believe my body at face value is not preferable.

I’ve been complimented by men in the past. I’ve been hit on in public. Objectively, I know I am at least average in appearance.

-My husband prefers my butt to be bigger (Prior to me, he chased overweight women. I’m average and have leaned on thinner at times. He honestly didn’t want to date me because of my butt. I’m not flat. But I’m not rocking a large dump truck either.)

-He has called my stretch marks a flaw — have some light ones on my sides from losing weight many years ago… and I have some on my boobs because they’re big and hang down a bit.

-He also says that since being with me, he finds he thinks way more women around are attractive than he used to notice.

-He has admitted he prefers labia to look different (I’m a bit of an outie than an innie. I think this one hurts the most. My most vulnerable part of me is not up to preference.)

Am I unlikely to find a man who loves these parts of me? Would you be able to stay knowing you have so many parts of your body not up to preference when his ex met his standards?

Some of this stuff he didn’t tell me until I pointedly asked him, due to other fights.

I’m 34F in an awful marriage. Leaving out the crazy abusive things I’ve been through, I’ve simply been made to believe my body at face value is not preferable.

I’ve been complimented by men in the past. I’ve been hit on in public. Objectively, I know I am at least average in appearance.

-My husband prefers my butt to be bigger (Prior to me, he chased overweight women. I’m average and have leaned on thinner at times. He honestly didn’t want to date me because of my butt.)

-He has called my stretch marks a flaw — have some light ones on my sides from losing weight many years ago… and I have some on my boobs because they’re big and hang down a bit.

-He also says that since being with me, he finds he thinks way more women around are attractive than he used to notice.

-He has admitted he prefers labia to look different (I’m a bit of an outie than an innie. I think this one hurts the most. My most vulnerable part of me is not up to preference.)

Am I unlikely to find a man who loves these parts of me? Would you be able to stay knowing you have so many parts of your body not up to preference when his ex met his standards?

EDIT TO ADD: Some of this stuff he didn’t tell me until I pointedly asked him. (The labia part … coming off of something else he has said.)