u/AnotherStamp

One of the biggest secrets that caused me the most shame in my last relationship was that I low-key preferred my gf's sister over my actual gf. Both were extremely pretty but the sister had more of an athletic, rugged charm and was more charismatic and knowledgeable about things I was interested in (native plants, mostly). Meanwhile my gf was a web of insecurities and CPTSD adjacent anxieties that frequently caused her to lash out. Over the course of the relationship I had started to, I kind of want to say idolize, the sister as she gave access to the same resources (mainly her family all of whom I really liked) with far less emotional terrorism.

Last night's dream was a long, continuous one where me and the sister bumped into each other and took up a relationship. Brief scenes of all our escapades (and our efforts to avoid informing my ex and the parents) flashed by like it was a romcom before the end of second act bad event that always happens in those movies. I have to be honest it was the happiest I've felt waking up in a long time, perhaps since the breakup.

Even ignoring the morality of all this happening IRL I know for a fact it's a complete pipe dream. The sister lives in a different city and has likely forgotten my name at this point. Even when she knew it I had my doubts as to how much she liked me. I half suspect she was the one who whispered in my ex's ear to end the relationship (which honestly makes me like her more, she saw something dysfunctional and called it like she saw it).

Go to an "age appropriate" event and everyone is my age or up (until death). Everyone seems to be married, having or planning on kids, settling in their first house. They all look haggard and unfamiliar with anything outside what's trending on their is to explore. It feels like a gathering of coworkers and estranged family members. Awkward and unengaging.

I went to a run club which had a lot of early to mid twenty-somethings in it. Everyone was annoying as fuck. Garish fashion, filming stories during the run. The guys were peacocking and mean-mugging for the girls and the girls were showing up in full faces of makeup for this supposed without group. Some were so young they were talking about ROTC and going to boot camp.

It feels like I fucked up by being a depressed shutin during my twenties and now I'm cursed to not fit in anywhere. I fell off the developmental pathway and exist in a limbo between delayed adulthood and being defeated by life. Fuck!!!!

It feels like every social group in the city meets at these times and are cannibalizing each others' attendance. You're allowed to have a weekly Saturday meetup!

I'd like to go on the Pine Bush trails at night to scope out the nocturnal wildlife. Does anyone know if this is allowed? I see that there are hours posted on Google but not sure if that has anything to do with the trails or if it's just when the welcome center is closed.

Looking to put my social life back together and looks like I could potentially double-up on Troy Social Cycling and No Fun's VHS nights on Tuesdays. Is this just the bar being open with tapes playing? Or is there music? I really like the space and the theming of events there but I can't stand loud music so I have to sit all the shows and raves out.

I am moving and cutting through the cemetery provides an excellent bike route between my new place and work. Does the cemetery close the gates after it's posted hours? It looks like the main gates have a pedestrian path that is always accessible to go through regardless of whether they are open or closed but some of the others do not.