u/AnotherStamp

Jazz Fest and PearlPalooza lineups seem much weaker than last year's.

Whenever these things are brought up redditors suddenly swarm in crooning over how good and wholesome they are and what the proper etiquette for them is. Even in my torpid city subreddit you can get the posters, who typically just whinge about the weather or the lack of garbage cans in the park, to salivate over them. I cannot decide if these otherwise lame people actually like the music and environment or if they enjoy it because it's a sanctioned and socially managed way of being aggressive.

Leading with your authentic energy, thriving in the chaos, balancing our energies against each other, etc. They sound like they make a living selling crystals.

Attachment theory stuff, mental health subreddits, CPTSD subs, the works. Initially I stumbled upon them via Google to try and understand a particularly needy friend better but I was sucked in like I was conducting a anthropological study.

What struck me was the prevalent ability to reframe succumbing to their conditions as other people failing to meet their needs. You would think that if someone identified with having CPTSD, anxious attachment, etc. there would be some awareness that their standards of behavior have a level of cognitive distortion associated with them, but this acknowledgement was much rarer than I anticipated. A lot of the posters exhibited an extremely inappropriate desire for control over their relationships.

The worst of it were the attachment theory subs, where users raged against their exes (all of whom were supposedly avoidants) and insisted that what they really needed was a secure partner. From my perspective, this was no different from unicorn hunting. Few users were willing to consider that an actual secure person would be perturbed by their behavior and expectations.

What concerned me the most was how some of these posts almost convinced me. They could talk the talk. Most things were framed reasonably at first glance and with an educated-sounding sprinkling of psychological jargon. It was only on second readings or when I tried to picture how I'd feel about a friend or partner acting this way that I'd realize the advice being given was toxic, if not outright abusive in nature. I suppose this is another knock against how internet communities are formed in insular manners. All of these people giving each other backpats when they'd be better served abandoning their subreddits entirely.

Such a devastating feeling. I was a late bloomer and didn't date anyone until a couple years ago when I was almost 30. I always felt like her energy was weird but chalked it up to nerves and that it was probably normal and I just wasn't used to it. Went on until a decently harsh blindside-ish breakup. I was devastated in the way people who get dumped by their first ever gf are and blamed myself incessantly and asked her to work it out a couple of times.

Now it's been a few years and I've been around the block much more. Realized in comparison how weird our relationship was and decided to investigate it a bit. The main forum I've found where people describe the dynamic I was in is r/BPDlovedones fml. I feel like I got bullied and then acted like it was my own fault it happened. Just thinking about it makes me embarrassed now. I think how I acted with her was the most I have publicly humiliated myself since middle school.

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

The 90s version was less prone to using large words but her statements were way more acerbic and directly related to whatever the subject of the scene was. She was much more present in conversations if not outright in command of whatever scene she was in.

The Netflix version tends to use larger words or add more adverbs/adjectives into her speech. Her "takedowns" come off more like non-sequitors than responses to what's going on around her. I am still torn on how to interpret this. On one hand it could just be weaker scripts. On the other, this could signal and attempt to deflect scrutiny from herself and regain control of situations that she feels are slipping out of control.

I think it's fun to look at. The Netflix Wednesday is treated as more of a central, impossible to overlook presence within the show's writing but it is the movie version that more effectively navigates her world and commands respect.

So many people seem completely unselfaware. You'll go to review a Hinge profile where a dude "doesn't know what's wrong" and thinks it's pretty solid only to find a flood of bad fashion, bad haircuts, skinny fat physiques, blurry photos, bizarre poses, infantile prompts, and more. There's a legion of men on this site who think Pokemon, board games, and anime are the key to a fulfilling life and dropping some panties. I can understand people coming up against hard limits with these things like unfortunate genetics or only being able to take journeyman level photos with a phone tripod as opposed to professional grade body shots, but most of these profiles aren't even coming up against that. They are just stupid and thoughtless. THIS is what you're putting out into the world to find the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with?

I don't even like OLD that much and think it has a ton of structural issues but damn, these are basic mistakes that wouldn't even fly in-person let alone on these harsh apps.

Uuiuighhhhhhhhhhhh

One of the biggest secrets that caused me the most shame in my last relationship was that I low-key preferred my gf's sister over my actual gf. Both were extremely pretty but the sister had more of an athletic, rugged charm and was more charismatic and knowledgeable about things I was interested in (native plants, mostly). Meanwhile my gf was a web of insecurities and CPTSD adjacent anxieties that frequently caused her to lash out. Over the course of the relationship I had started to, I kind of want to say idolize, the sister as she gave access to the same resources (mainly her family all of whom I really liked) with far less emotional terrorism.

Last night's dream was a long, continuous one where me and the sister bumped into each other and took up a relationship. Brief scenes of all our escapades (and our efforts to avoid informing my ex and the parents) flashed by like it was a romcom before the end of second act bad event that always happens in those movies. I have to be honest it was the happiest I've felt waking up in a long time, perhaps since the breakup.

Even ignoring the morality of all this happening IRL I know for a fact it's a complete pipe dream. The sister lives in a different city and has likely forgotten my name at this point. Even when she knew it I had my doubts as to how much she liked me. I half suspect she was the one who whispered in my ex's ear to end the relationship (which honestly makes me like her more, she saw something dysfunctional and called it like she saw it).

Go to an "age appropriate" event and everyone is my age or up (until death). Everyone seems to be married, having or planning on kids, settling in their first house. They all look haggard and unfamiliar with anything outside what's trending on their is to explore. It feels like a gathering of coworkers and estranged family members. Awkward and unengaging.

I went to a run club which had a lot of early to mid twenty-somethings in it. Everyone was annoying as fuck. Garish fashion, filming stories during the run. The guys were peacocking and mean-mugging for the girls and the girls were showing up in full faces of makeup for this supposed without group. Some were so young they were talking about ROTC and going to boot camp.

It feels like I fucked up by being a depressed shutin during my twenties and now I'm cursed to not fit in anywhere. I fell off the developmental pathway and exist in a limbo between delayed adulthood and being defeated by life. Fuck!!!!

It feels like every social group in the city meets at these times and are cannibalizing each others' attendance. You're allowed to have a weekly Saturday meetup!

I'd like to go on the Pine Bush trails at night to scope out the nocturnal wildlife. Does anyone know if this is allowed? I see that there are hours posted on Google but not sure if that has anything to do with the trails or if it's just when the welcome center is closed.

Looking to put my social life back together and looks like I could potentially double-up on Troy Social Cycling and No Fun's VHS nights on Tuesdays. Is this just the bar being open with tapes playing? Or is there music? I really like the space and the theming of events there but I can't stand loud music so I have to sit all the shows and raves out.

I am moving and cutting through the cemetery provides an excellent bike route between my new place and work. Does the cemetery close the gates after it's posted hours? It looks like the main gates have a pedestrian path that is always accessible to go through regardless of whether they are open or closed but some of the others do not.