u/Any_Pirate_5633

I’m looking for resources for adults that could teach my mother “penis = boy; vagina = girl” is not actually “just the science.”

My kid is showing some early but consistent signs that they may be trans. My mother wants me to “correct” and “teach” my child their “real gender” because “having a penis is what makes you a boy, that’s just science.”

I do not agree. I tried to explain the intersection of chromosomal, hormonal, and genetic factors that contribute to gender as best I could and I do think she’s open enough that the right resources could help.

My understanding is that “correcting” my kid in this way can be very emotionally damaging.

Does anyone have any good educational link/book suggestions?

I keep getting these influencers in my feed claiming that HIIT and long runs are raising my cortisol and keeping/getting me fat. They suggest walking. That feels… wrong.

Does anyone have a halfway decent study to share on perimenopausal exercising?

Let’s say a meeting gets canceled and I don’t have to rush out of the gym after my usual routine, so I pile on some extra sets or exercises. Or maybe I’m just having a fantastic day and I decide to add a drop set in on top of the routine.

Are these types of one off additions a waste if I am not able to do them consistently?

Just for fun. Rate these on a scale from annoying to nightmare:

Annoying.

1. Tags
2. Wrong spoon
3. Sand on the floor when you’re barefoot
4. Greasy food on your face/stuck in teeth
5. Wet socks

Nightmare.

Cis people don’t get to choose their names. And lots of parents pick out names for both genders when they are having a baby. You always hear people be like, “this is Joey, but if he was a girl we were going to call him Sarah” etc.

Would it make sense, in a supportive family, to take that other name? Or was picking your own name a really important part of coming out for you? How did you choose your name?

I’ve had a couple procedures at my local hospital and you don’t get to meet the doctor OR review informed consent information until you’re there getting prepped for the procedure.

Should you choose to same day decline a procedure, there is a large cancelation fee.

I have asked for earlier review of the material and they have refused.

To me, it feels coercive to not meet your provider or have the informed consent conversation before:

1. I arrange and pay for childcare
2. I am subjected to a hefty cancelation fee
3. I undergo significant prep
4. I am literally IV’d, dressed, and prepped for the procedure

(How is this legal?) Is this ethically obtained informed consent? Is it true informed consent?

I am on the spectrum and I also have a personal history that has my anxiety through the roof about my upcoming procedure.

I have asked (through the patient portal) for an anti-anxiety to help me get to the appointment. This has been refused because it “will compromise informed consent.”

I have never met the doc. The first time will be while I’m being prepped for the procedure in the hospital.

There is a large cancelation fee should I change my mind short notice.

It seems TO ME that what is going to “compromise informed consent” is waiting to provide the information until:

1. It will cost me $1000, 2 days of childcare, and 3 wasted days of bowel prep to decline.
2. I am either in an autistic shut down or meltdown when you provide it and thus unable to properly engage with the information.

Why won’t they provide this information beforehand? That seems much more ethical.

How do you know what gender you are? And before you say, “well how do you, a cis person, know what gender you are?” Know that I don’t actually know and that’s why I am asking.

My child is showing some signs of being transgendered and it got me thinking, how do you know what gender you are? And I realized, I really don’t know - I just sort of begrudgingly went with what I was assigned. I don’t feel particularly attached to either gender, which I have read is a symptom of my ASD.

But I often am surprised by my reflection, like I expect it to look more masculine than it does.

I am capable of performing femininity, and even enjoy it once in a while. But as an every day thing it’s uncomfortable and exhausting and I frankly don’t really bother (no makeup, short ass hair, oversized clothes - usually men’s).

I have had and breastfed 2 kids. I had pretty major trauma from both experiences, some of which could definitely have been body dysphoria but then could also just be ASD/previous trauma.

When my baby nephew called my uncle, I secretly loved it.

Writing this is making me question my gender 😅

I’ve been reading that touch is incredibly important for brain development, bonding, emotional regulation, and stress reduction. And not just for babies but for kids through their teen years even.

I grew up in a home that was extremely touch averse and heaped shame on most types of (what I am pretty sure now are perfectly healthy/safe) touch.

So I don’t have a lot of experience with touch and I don’t feel like I can trust my instincts on it.

So far my kids are pretty little and I’ve been mostly ok, but I’m worried about how to navigate touch as they age. I don’t want hugging my kids to feel like hugging the rest of my family (rare and awkward AF).

How do you all maintain touch with your kids as they age? Do hugs and cuddles turn into other types of touch? Do you still sit with your arm around your older kids to watch TV?

My preschooler wore a dress and tights and jewelry to school today.

I love them no matter what. I will support them no matter what. I am letting them lead.

But I am f^%king terrified of everyone else.

Edit: So far just a couple of “Why is ____ wearing a dress? Boys don’t wear dresses.” Otherwise smooth sailing. Teachers are being supportive.

My husband literally gets cheered on by the crowd when he wears or stroller pushes our kid for a road race. Me? Crickets.

The other day, he had one kid in the wrap and the other demanded to be picked up too. 3 separate people came up and made a big deal about how awesome and strong he was. I 👏 spend 👏 half 👏 my 👏 day👏 like 👏 this 👏. No one has ever once been like wow, you’re so strong or any of the other hero worship he gets for parenting.

I just wanted to rant. I carried my 30 pound kid for nearly 2 miles on a fun run yesterday and was rubbed really wrong by the stark contrast in how my husband and I are treated while parenting.

(Zero complaint about my husband. Just complaints about the double standard in our culture.)

If you were raising a transgender kid, or if you could go back in time and change how you were raised, what would you do? How would it change as kids got older?

And I mean beyond the obvious don’t be a hateful bigot against your transgender kid. (I hate that anyone has grown up that way.) Assume a baseline of acceptance and love.

How would you keep them safe (psychologically, emotionally, physically) in a world that isn’t always safe for them?

How would you ensure they felt fully loved and accepted by you?

How and when would you set them up with a therapist? Do you wait for them to raise it or proactively approach it?

Idk. I have so many questions.

We are looking to do some major home remodeling but worried about choosing the right contractor and shell shocked by some of the quotes we’ve gotten so far from local design and build firms.

Anyone have recent experience with renovations and want to share some details like cost, experience, and contractors?

I’m trying to figure out if costs are really this insane (one firm told us they would not do our project unless we were sinking in $500,000 - which is almost the valuation of the home) or if I’ve just called the wrong people 😅

Why do people think they can recoup 80-100% of what they paid for an item when they sell it used? And what do you all think is an appropriate discount from the new price?

Recent examples: In the last week, I was looking for used bunk beds and used kettlebells.

I found a used bunk bed for $2000 - it’s on sale new for $2049.

I found a set of used kettlebells for $35. Currently selling new for $32.

What age were your kids at when you felt like you could dive into a book or start a new hobby/project again and actually be left to your deep flow state long enough to get something out of it?

For example, I noticed I stopped reading. So often the interruptions are just so bad that I end up reading the same page a bunch of times that it just became too frustrating.

Similar with diving into new hobbies or projects. I want to do some DIY work around the house, but I can’t imagine having the cognitive capacity to learn as I go not to mention the literal time to do it.

At what age did you feel freed up for stuff like that again?