u/Aromatic_Trouble_473

I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. My misophonia has been getting steadily worse over the past couple of months, and it's getting to the point where I don't even wanna live in my own house anymore. I wanna run away into a quiet section of the woods where no one is gonna be crinkling a bag or chewing loudly on chips or slurping coffee or clicking on keyboards. I can't even watch some of my favorite shows anymore because they eat during it a lot, and that triggers me. I've been having panic attacks left and right. I can't go to restaurants. I can't watch people eat. I can't do anything that's even slightly related to any of my triggers. I don't know what to do. I have an amazing family, and for the most part, they're really supportive of me, but even with that, my life is getting too hard. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I'm just constantly suffering, and there's nothing to help with it. Does anyone have any suggestions or comfort to give?

(Warning - TL;DR)

So, for context, I'm no longer seeing this therapist because of this experience, but I still wanted to talk about it cause it upset me. One of my friends recommended him to me and said he was really nice. So I had a 15-minute phone call with him to kind of test the waters, and then an intake session where he talked to my mom and I separately.

Everything seemed fine at first. He was really nice. But then, during the first session, he started acting really differently than he did during the phone call and intake session. He used "we" and "our" language and didn't really give me any sort of advice. He just repeated everything I said back to me. I know a lot of therapists do that, but I don't really get the point, and it doesn't help me.

Anyways, fast forward to the end of the appointment. He says that he wants to talk with my mom about scheduling the next few appointments. That's the only thing he mentions. He doesn't ask me if I'd be okay with him talking to her about our session. He just says that he's gonna do scheduling stuff. So I went out of the room, my mom went into the room, and then I overhear him, telling her in depth the topics we talked about.

I know, obviously, with mandated reporting, that's different, and if I had been telling him about suicidal thoughts or self-harm, he would've had to tell her. But I wasn't. I was talking to him about normal feelings, and he went ahead and told her. He didn't ask me, nor tell me. He lied to me and betrayed my trust with him.

I guess it didn't really make a huge impact on me because, thankfully, I'm really close with my mom, and she already knew everything he told her about. But what if some LGBTQ teenager with homophobic/transphobic parents started seeing him and came out to him as LGBTQ? Then, he, not knowing the person's parents are homophobic/transphobic, pulls them aside, and mentions LGBTQ rights as a topic. This causes the parents to freak out, take their child home, and punish them.

I get that therapists are allowed to talk to parents about things that their kids say, but... I'm a teenager. I'll be able to drive a car soon. I'm not in the 5-10 range. I just feel frustrated and upset that he was treating me this way. Are my feelings valid? Does this all make sense? Do you think I should do anything else about this situation or just walk away and find another therapist?

(TL; DR) I added a content warning flair because my emotions around this topic are very intense, and I don't want anyone to spiral because of a post I made. I also want to preface this by reassuring that I'm not making a doom post and saying that all trans people are doomed or whatnot. In no means am I trying to discourage or terrify people here. I'm just scared and want help and reassurance.

I hate living in the US. Frankly, I hate living in this world. I feel like a fish out of water, or someone wearing a shirt two sizes too small for them. Like all the spider people when they got transported to Miles Morales's universe instead of their own. This universe just feels like it isn't made for people like me. Whenever I leave the house now, unless I'm at school or some sort of safe, private event, I have to be constantly aware of how I'm walking and what I'm talking about. I have no way of knowing if a stranger next to me in a shopping line is someone who hates LGBTQ people, and that terrifies the crap out of me. I also walk with a cane and sometimes use a wheelchair because I have a physical disability, and that only adds to the fear building inside of me because so many people are ableist, too. I've stopped using public restrooms because I'm scared a stranger is gonna mistake me for a girl and get angry that I'm in the guy's bathroom.

Even though I go to a very diverse arts school, I still get teased there sometimes. These two jerks keep bothering me and saying these unnecessary comments about me. They laughed and stared at me when I was wearing shorts one day, and it was like 95° Fahrenheit out. They kicked my cane away from me while I was holding it. They mocked me when I told them my name. They told me I was "too gay." But I'm gonna be leaving this school in less than a month, and they won't be coming with me, so I feel like there's no point in doing anything about it.

I have started on HRT and am about 4 weeks in, so my dysphoria is easing up, but my fear of living in this country is only getting worse. I'm going on vacation to a fairly red state soon, and I'm so terrified for my own safety, even though I'm not moving there and won't lose access to Healthcare. ICE has been frequently spotted in this state, and they terrify me so badly, even though I'm white. I don't like seeing tall, white, masked people with guns. I'm worried that if I see one of them, I'll just either run away and get lost from my family, freeze on the spot and start hyperventilating, or impulsively and unnecessarily alert everyone around me about that person with the gun and draw even more attention to myself.

I feel so helpless. I'm still a teenager, so I can't vote, and I can't even drive. I live in a fairly lower middle-class family, too. I feel like I can't do anything to help make any of this better, but I also barely know anything on how to keep myself safe in public. I can't help anyone else like me feel safer, and I can't help myself either. Why do so many people have to hate me when I'm not doing anything to harm them? I'm not forcing my identity onto them and telling them to become trans. I'm just trying to survive. But they can't handle a few simple differences. I don't know how I'm gonna survive the last two years of this. Can someone give me some advice or comfort or sympathy?

I went with my school on a field trip to Boston today, which was around a 2 and a half hour drive, because we live in CT. On the way home, after the trip was over, I ended up passing out from possible heat exhaustion and dehydration. My teachers ended up calling 911, and paramedics came with an ambulance to assess me. They asked me questions, took my vitals, and took my blood sugar to see if I was okay. I'm so incredibly grateful for them because they were so gentle and kind to me, but I'm also feeling really, really guilty. I didn't end up being transported to the hospital at all because they said nothing was super concerning, and my social studies teacher is an EMT, so he was able to move to my coach bus and keep an eye on me. But now I just keep blaming myself, wondering if I wasted their time. Since they didn't actually need to save my life or anything, and they didn't need to take me to the hospital, what was the point? They could've been doing something actually important, like saving someone who was having a heart attack. I don't know. I just feel ashamed and guilty and afraid. Can someone reassure me that I wasn't wasting their time? As a paramedic, do you remember taking calls like this? Did it waste your time? Should I feel guilty?

Edit: Thank you so much to everyone for all the support and reassurance. I've never passed out before, and the whole thing was honestly so traumatizing, so your comments helped me smile and be able to laugh after all this. I was going to respond to all of the comments at first because I didn't think this post would get that much attention. So thank you to everyone I didn't respond to. I've been constantly going back to this post and rereading the replies just to remind myself that I matter and stuff. I'm really grateful for all the paramedics in this world who are always working so hard to help people. It's good to know that I wasn't taking up too much space.

(TL; DR) I added a content warning flair because my emotions around this topic are very intense, and I don't want anyone to spiral because of a post I made. I also want to preface this by reassuring that I'm not making a doom post and saying that all trans people are doomed or whatnot. In no means am I trying to discourage or terrify people here. I'm just scared and want help and reassurance.

I hate living in the US. Frankly, I hate living in this world. I feel like a fish out of water, or someone wearing a shirt two sizes too small for them. Like all the spider people when they got transported to Miles Morales's universe instead of their own. This universe just feels like it isn't made for people like me. Whenever I leave the house now, unless I'm at school or some sort of safe, private event, I have to be constantly aware of how I'm walking and what I'm talking about. I have no way of knowing if a stranger next to me in a shopping line is someone who hates LGBTQ people, and that terrifies the crap out of me. I also walk with a cane and sometimes use a wheelchair because I have a physical disability, and that only adds to the fear building inside of me because so many people are ableist, too. I've stopped using public restrooms because I'm scared a stranger is gonna mistake me for a girl and get angry that I'm in the guy's bathroom.

Even though I go to a very diverse arts school, I still get teased there sometimes. These two jerks keep bothering me and saying these unnecessary comments about me. They laughed and stared at me when I was wearing shorts one day, and it was like 95° Fahrenheit out. They kicked my cane away from me while I was holding it. They mocked me when I told them my name. They told me I was "too gay." But I'm gonna be leaving this school in less than a month, and they won't be coming with me, so I feel like there's no point in doing anything about it.

I have started on HRT and am about 4 weeks in, so my dysphoria is easing up, but my fear of living in this country is only getting worse. I'm going on vacation to a fairly red state soon, and I'm so terrified for my own safety, even though I'm not moving there and won't lose access to Healthcare. ICE has been frequently spotted in this state, and they terrify me so badly, even though I'm white. I don't like seeing tall, white, masked people with guns. I'm worried that if I see one of them, I'll just either run away and get lost from my family, freeze on the spot and start hyperventilating, or impulsively and unnecessarily alert everyone around me about that person with the gun and draw even more attention to myself.

I feel so helpless. I'm still a teenager, so I can't vote, and I can't even drive. I live in a fairly lower middle-class family, too. I feel like I can't do anything to help make any of this better, but I also barely know anything on how to keep myself safe in public. I can't help anyone else like me feel safer, and I can't help myself either. Why do so many people have to hate me when I'm not doing anything to harm them? I'm not forcing my identity onto them and telling them to become trans. I'm just trying to survive. But they can't handle a few simple differences. I don't know how I'm gonna survive the last two years of this. Can someone give me some advice or comfort or sympathy?