u/Artistic-Respect-540

Basically the title. My beloved 14-week-old baby dials up in the pram, car, and baby carrier, as soon as we leave the house, and doesn’t ever fully dial down until we get home. He is a calm and happy baby at home, with below-average crying and great sleep. But mama wants to leave baby jail (home) because I think it’s good for both of us (baby disagrees)! What to do?

Baby is 12 weeks old and I wanted to reassure other new parents that things will get better. It’s a combination of baby being easier to care for and us getting better at it. Here is a non-exhaustive list of things that have gotten better for us:

• Baby is down to 1 wake-up per night and gives a 7 to 10 hour stretch at the start of each night. Baby is sleeping 11.5 hours per night and we are sleeping 8+ hours per night.
• Baby goes to bed from 7-7:30pm so we have a couple of hours every evening to decompress and spend time together as a couple.
• Baby sleeps in his bassinet for all naps and nights so we can actually have some downtime to rest, do hobbies, and housework for little spurts during the day.
• Baby‘s wake windows have extended to 90 mins and he can spend up to 75 mins of that time happy and relaxed. He’s fine to be in a container like a bouncer for 30 mins at a time. Overall, he cries around 30 mins per day. Our record so far is getting to 4pm without crying!
• Baby smiles, laughs, babbles and interacts with us all the time. It took me 6 weeks to truly bond with baby but the love I have for him now grows daily.
• Feeds are less stressful and baby has finally learned to fart and poop (thank god).
• We’re building up confidence to get out and about with baby. This week we’ve taken him: out for coffee, to the pub for lunch, and to an art exhibition.
• My partner and I have learned how to parent this baby together and our relationship has never been stronger. We’re spending more quality time together and are also constantly having a giggle about this parenting caper.
• Overall, we’ve gotten into a rhythm of caring for baby, and understand and respond to his cues in a way that reduces stress for everyone.

We went through the usual early sleep deprivation, non-optional contact naps, reflux, gas, infant dyschezia, witching hour(s) etc. Baby was also born with pneumonia and I had a severe tear that developed a hematoma that required surgical drainage. I’ve quite literally already forgotten about most of the hardest times from the first 6 weeks.

There are absolutely still challenges and it’s not like we have a unicorn baby, but we’re thriving as a family. And you will too. It’s right around the corner - hold on ❤️

Our 12 week old baby has started being able to comfortably spend awake time in a baby carrier - previously he would always fall asleep in the carrier and then want out as soon as he woke back up.

Baby is just 3 months old so not ready for back carry yet, but my partner is getting excited about the future possibility of popping baby in a back carry and taking him along for the ride of whatever we’re doing.

My partner and I both have our own soft structured carriers, I use the LennyLamb LennyLight which I love and he uses a Portier Limitless (which I wouldn’t have chosen but we got it as a gift). I think his Portier could be used for back carry but we’re happy to invest in something that’s a bit more specific.

What are your favourite back carry baby carriers, and maybe specifically for a fairly broad shouldered man?

For the first few weeks the only thing I had the energy to do while feeding baby or contact napping was scroll on social media on my phone. That‘s totally okay, but now I have a bit more bandwidth I’ve started collating a list of meaningful activities I can do instead (while sitting on the couch/bed). I’ve noticed when I do these things instead of scrolling all the time, I‘m more likely to feel like I’ve had a “good day”.

• Do a puzzle or crossword
• Check out the headlines on my local news website and read a few articles
• Read a journal article, long-form piece or book chapter
• Listen to a podcast episode - I often gravitate to ones that feel light, friendly and conversational or where I learn something new
• Watch a YouTube video essay 
• Watch a classic movie I’ve never seen before 
• Text or call a friend or family member
• Attend a Zoom church service
• Do a meditation practice
• Journal in my Notes app
• Listen to a new-to-me album
• Engage in my hobbies - I’m interested in crafts and family history so I’ll process Ancestry hints or check out knitting patterns / plan knitting projects 
• I’m very slowly doing my yoga teacher training online
• Check out FB marketplace, eBay or my local estate auction house for secondhand finds 
• Pick out fun recipes on NYT Cooking
• Book appointments, online grocery shop, or do other life admin

 

Please add to my list with what works for you!

Soon-to-be parent: What’s everyone’s favourite breast pump? 🥰

New parent: My baby hasn’t slept for 24 hours, projectile vomits after every meal, has neon green poops, screams constantly, and won’t let me ever put them down. My nipples have fallen off, I have hearing damage, and I am actively hallucinating from sleep deprivation. I haven’t showered, eaten a full meal, or left my house in weeks. I got into a physical altercation with my MIL and I am considering divorce and inpatient mental health treatment. I love my baby though! Any advice?

(I have been both and my tone here is loving).

Our LO sleeps around 15 hours per day, usually 5 during the day and 10 overnight.

Overnight, he is a good sleeper, now giving one longer stretch at the start of the night (from 3.5-7 hours) and then having a couple of shorter stretches, overall waking ~3 times during the night. He drops off really quickly each time he wakes.

During the day though, it is often hard to get him down for naps. He does tend to get 1 long nap per day (2 hrs) and the rest are between 30 mins-1.5 hrs. We note wake windows and follow sleepy cues but as the day goes on it gets harder to get him down for a nap. Every day he misses at least 1 nap, ending up being awake for 2-3 hours 😔 He does have reflux which I wonder is part of it.

This evening, we started putting him down after seeing him yawn after about an hour awake and he kept dropping off then perking back up for what ended up being 1.5 hours. We use a dark room, white noise, swaddling, shushing, bouncing/rocking, and a dummy. We did 2 ”resets” during this time, one was a bath and the other a quick walk up and down the driveway. Eventually, he did fall asleep, but it was gruelling.

Any advice?

Our LO sleeps around 15 hours per day, usually 5 during the day and 10 overnight.

Overnight, he is a good sleeper, now giving one longer stretch at the start of the night (from 3.5-7 hours) and then having a couple of shorter stretches, overall waking ~3 times during the night. He drops off really quickly each time he wakes.

During the day though, it is often hard to get him down for naps. He does tend to get 1 long nap per day (2 hrs) and the rest are between 30 mins-1.5 hrs. We note wake windows and follow sleepy cues but as the day goes on it gets harder to get him down for a nap. Every day he misses at least 1 nap, ending up being awake for 2-3 hours 😔 He does have reflux which I wonder is part of it.

This evening, we started putting him down after seeing him yawn after about an hour awake at 7pm and he kept dropping off then perking back up for what ended up being 1.5 hours. We use a dark room, white noise, swaddling, shushing, bouncing/rocking, and a dummy. We did 2 ”resets” during this time, one was a bath and the other a quick walk up and down the driveway. Eventually, he did fall asleep, but it was gruelling.

Any advice?