u/Ashamed_Kangaroo305

I just found out recently that I'm extremely deficient in vitamin D, B12, and iron which explains why I've been feeling so awful for the past several weeks, and probably why I haven't been able to get anything done for a few months. On top of that, I started my period today. There's a festival happening in my town that I really want to go to, but I'm so exhausted and whenever I get up I feel lightheaded. It's also super hot outside which makes me feel a million times worse. This only happens once a year and I've never been before, and I don't know if I'll still live here next year. But if I push myself and go, I'm not going to be able to do any of the things I need to get done today, and I might not make it to my classes tomorrow which I need to go to. How do I decide what to do?

Update: I felt good for like 5 minutes so I decided to drag myself out before I started feeling bad again. I'm here now and I'm feeling kinda terrible but I'm also glad I went. I'm definitely not going to be productive today but I'm getting myself a nice mug and got to try out Zimbabwean food from a vendor here!

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist soon but wanted to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation.

I tried Vyvanse for about a year. I think it helped, but the side effects were terrible. Really bad dry mouth and acid reflux, and it lasted too long so I got horrible sleep issues which totally messed me up, which I could not put up with because it's already difficult to get enough sleep as it is. The generic was also really inconsistent but I never got the chance to try the brand name because the copay was hundreds of dollars. I tried filing an appeal with my insurance but that went nowhere.

Then about 2.5 weeks ago I switched to Ritalin. Overall side effects are mostly way better and sleep doesn't seem to be an issue anymore. The dry mouth is gone which has been a huge relief because that was awful. But now I get super irritable when it's wearing off. It's so bad that sometimes I want to yell at my dog, and then I feel really awful because I want to yell at my dog and then I get more irritable because I'm upset. I don't think I can keep doing this. It lasts several hours and I can't get anything done because I'm irritable and I just feel awful about myself because of it.

And on both meds, the dehydration has been horrible. Even when I'm making a conscious effort to drink a lot of water I still usually end up feeling at least a little bad from dehydration at the end of the day. I hate having to put so much effort in just to stay hydrated; it's exhausting. And I want to go on hikes and be more active, but it's so much harder (and scarier for hiking) when I get dehydrated more easily. And needing to pee more often is really annoying. The low appetite can also be pretty bad, mostly in the evenings. It's better on Ritalin but still an issue sometimes. And if I have a really low appetite then sometimes I just cannot eat a proper meal even if I try to force myself to eat. My voice also gets pretty hoarse sometimes which I'm really self-conscious about. Again better on Ritalin but still an issue.

Sometimes I find myself skipping doses because I just don't feel like dealing with the side effects, and the benefits aren't always that helpful. Effectiveness can fluctuate but it's really helpful for getting past the initial wall of executive dysfunction. I can think "I should go get up to grab food/get groceries/walk my dog/etc." and I'll do it if it's a small task like that, when before I would often get stuck on that. For bigger tasks it doesn't always help because they're too overwhelming or scary to start, but I knew going into this that that wasn't something that could be fixed by meds alone. If I'm able to break my tasks down, then the meds help. But where they haven't helped is exhaustion. I do like 2-3 things in a day and then I'm just done. By the time I get home from class and feed my dog and eat dinner, I'm mentally exhausted and can't do anything else. Meds don't help with that at all. They do help me feel more awake if I haven't gotten enough sleep, but that's about it. I also don't think my focus is much better on meds, but my main problem was always the executive dysfunction so it may just be harder to notice small improvements with focus. Do I just need to find a different med? I have a month left of college and I really don't have time to experiment with more meds because I need something that will just work now, but I don't think that's possible. And yet I can't get my shit together enough to pass these last classes that I need to graduate and I don't know what I'm supposed to do.