u/AutisticWindchimr

A few days ago, my service dog and i walked to the park. He was not vested because I wanted to give him a sniff walk. So he could relax.

It was 605 p.m. when this happened and still light outside. We were at the entrance to the park by the house of some people I know.

This was a regular public park, not a dog park.

There were two men maybe in their 30s w two dogs.

The older dog was off lead. I remember him coming at us once by the tennis courts, a couple of summers ago I think, when a younger woman was with him. The dog's name is Percy.

The younger dog was on lead and his owner looked familiar but i am face blind.

Percy's owner looked like someone I've seen at recovery meetings, but again, I am not sure because I am face blind.

Percy, who was off-lead, detoured and came straight towards my dog. My dog is trained not to respond to otger dogs unless I say itvis okay. My dog was sitting quietly by my side.

The man yelled, "Percy. Percy," and "leave it."

Percy got halfway to us.

I said "Keep your dog under voice control."

[The dog laws here allow dogs off-lead if they listen and return to the owner right away if called.]

The man said "its okay" and walked towards his dog.

I said, "It is not okay. Keep your dog under voice control."

Percy saw him coming and stopped running to us. Percy then sat.

The man put a lead on him.

Then the man started making fun of me.

He said "Wa wa wa."

"How old are you ma'am?"

I said "how old are YOU."

This was none of his business I thought.

He said, "Wa wa wa grow up".

And "This is a dog park."

[We were not in the dog park. The dog park is down the hill].

And "wa wa wa."

And "Why are you alone?"

That came out of left field. Also, if he heard me share at recovery meetings, that was uncool.

I said, "Keep your dog under voice control."

The man took two steps closer but I didn't move back. I carry a whistle in case I need help.

His friend was telling him to stop.

I started walking into the park and away from them to put distance between us.

I didn't want to walk back down my street because I didn't know if the man was going to try to follow me or not.

And then the man said something rude w a curse word.

And "wa wa wa."

I said, "This is not a dog park, and [I said a bad curse word.]

My dog remained under control. We walked away towards the east end of the park.

I did breathing to help my anxiety.

That part of the park has exits every block.

We went to another street exit and left.

The man and Percy were walking up the block ahead. I waited for them to leave. They did not see me.

My emotions were activated but i was okay.

I was able to get out, take walks, and go on with my days the last few days.

I felt worse the next morning.

I told a few people what happened.

Now this morning i don't understand why he did that to me. I am very old. It feels like kids teasing me at school and it doesn't really stop.

*i am safe and i do not want to hurt myself*

I was diagnosed very young. Being put in an institution was the recommendation but my dad refused. My diagnosis was hidden.

I didn't talk until i was almost five. My first "word" was a sentence.

School was bad. I got bullied and left out a lot. I did okay in some subjects but not others.

I found out about me having autism as an adult. I have been living with no support and having a tough time.

I used to have meltdowns that lasted for hours several times a week.

I wish someone had told me not to work. Working was really bad. I was not able to get good jobs or promotions. I retired broke.

I was married but that was not good either.

I have no family that i am in touch with. The divorce was not okay to them.

I do have a service dog. Without him, going anywhere would be harder. He helps with my disabilities. He gives me joy. He is the reason why i get out of bed in the mornings.

I get my groceries delivered because supermarkets overload me. I have easy meals because cooking is tough most days.

Doctors and dentists are hard. I am afraid of them. The doctor i have now is okay.

I am in the u.s.a.

I am not eligible for services from the state developmental disabilities office because my diagnosis from childhood paoers do not exist, although my adult records say i am autistic. The state D.D./I.D.D. office requires a diagnosis before age 21.

I do get help with paperwork for benefits from an Independent Living Center. Without that, things would be worse. I get med reviews from a pharmacist at another agency.

Because i worked, i don't qualify for Medicaid or a medical care coordinator. Now i have a rare disease too. Phone calls are tough. Doctors have healthcare portals. I hate them too.

Because i am on Medicare and broke, i get SNAP [food stamps] and i go to food banks.

Many of my classmates and my family got careers, enough money to live on, partners, children, chances to go to places like Europe, and a chance at some of their dreams.

I have a bunch of broken dreams.

I am doing the best i can. Advice is hard for my situation. I want to know that i am not alone.

The man did not show up! We don't have each other's phone numbers so there was no way for him to call and cancel.

I've been stood up before by other not-dates.

This time, I was disappointed, but not devastated.

My service dog and I enjoyed the music. We left when I wanted to.

When I see the man again at senior lunch, "You missed a great jazz concert."

Life goes on and so do I.

I am retired after too many years of working and failing to advance.

Someone at the senior lunch asked me to meet him at an event in a park tonight. I am now officially panicked.

I was married for 21.5 years when my [now ex-] husband put hi a hand on me for the first an d last time. I left, fleeing for my life.

I've been to domestic violence counseling.

What if it happens again? Wh a t if he isn't nice?

I'm old enough to know that i will not get my fairy-tale ending.

People in my family of origin sure seemed to get theirs. They all have money and partners and kids.

I don't know how much more hurt I can put up with.

My life didn't turn out anyway that I thought it would.

I hate being autistic because I hate that I did not get the support I needed. I am still struggling and I am worn out.

Not depressed. Not suicidal. Just terrified.

Why did I bother working all these years while being disabled?

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Just so I could have shit jobs and no change at promotions.

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I can't work anymore but I reached retirement age.

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So I could be exhausted and broke.

Friend of a friend was diagnosed with cancer four months ago. I did not send a card.

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She died on Mknday.

*If you are sensitive to talk about death or family issues, you may not wish to read this post*

My family is all on a large social media site.

I have a cousin that I was close too. She came to my dad's funeral, driving about four and a half hours to get there.

Some time after that, I left my ex. I went through quite a bit of emotional hard times. My finances had never been good. They got worse.

Three months after I had left my ex, my cousin called to say that her dad (my uncle) died.

The arrangements were a couple days away by car. I could not afford to miss work or to drive there or fly there.

My cousin hung up on me and had refused all contact since. This is her right, even though it hurts.

The rest of the family doesn't talk to me either, save for one cousin. I respond to his posts on the other social media website.

I tried for a number of years. I called them on the phone. None of them ever called me.

I could see on the other social media site that they are all visiting and have contact with each other.

This hurts.

I miss them but I can't force them to have contact with me.

They all have marriages and kids and grandkids and [well-paying] jobs. And each other.

Once in a great while, I go on that other site. I am in touch with the one cousin there.

Yes, Ievery few years, i go and look at any public posts. I do miss them.

Tonight, I found out that my half-sister got married agsin and moved to snother state two years ago. And that my cousin's younger sister died three years ago.

It hurts. I've been excluded from so much.

I don't know if I can blame this totally on my autism or not.

I don't have a family. I tried so hard to be in touch, to have relationships with my own relatives, and it just didn't work.

Autism is not my super power. The communication difficulties are part of this one. I hurt.

Helping an older friend who needs either a geriatric primary care practice or primary care physicians who are good with senior citizens.

Medical insurance is C.D.P.H.P. Medicare. I did check through the older sub posts already and I could not find this question asked before.

Thanks!