u/Background-Treat-910

It’s almost been a month since D-day. He didn’t physically cheat but i found him messaging a girl from a year ago asking for tit pics.

We’ve been together almost 3 years so he did
this while we were together it absolutely breaks my heart.

He’s told his family and his friends what he’s done and says he’s not running from it. He says he wants to fight for me. Every time I ask him why all he says is that he wasn’t thinking and that he was drunk.

I told him that’s not a reason. He needs to really thing about what’s he’s done, what he’s now lost, and why he even decided to do this in the first place. I told him if he did this while drunk then clearly he shouldn’t be drinking etc.

I think he’s so focused on wanting to fix it but there’s nothing to fix right now. I told him I need space and time to think but it’s so hard because all i want is to get back with him even though i know i can’t. Choosing myself in this has been the hardest part of all of this. but i have to keep reminding myself why i’m here in the first place.

How do i really know if he’s taking accountability and really wanting to change or if it’s all just words he’s saying cause his actions have shown me much more.

It’s been about three weeks since finding out that I got cheated on, things are definitely getting better. I’m not crying every day, but I still find myself thinking about him every day and how I still wanna get back with him even though I know it’s not a good idea my head and my heart are fighting.

I wanna know if anybody who has been through this what did you do to move on and feel better I know it’s not gonna go away overnight, but I’m so sick and tired of this plaguing my mind all day every day. I really want to prioritize putting myself first and healing. I wanna prioritize my health and my mental health and make sure that I feel the best that I felt just right now I feel like I’m in a rut where I don’t wanna do anything and all I wanna do is just find other ways to take the pain away whether that be substances or other distractions.

any advice on what you did to get out of this and start feeling like yourself again would be really helpful

For context i (23f) found out my now ex 26(m) cheated on me a little over a week ago. I found out when I saw Instagram DM that he had with his girl from a year ago. Nothing physical happened but it doesn’t negate anything. He asked her for boob pics from what i saw her saying before i completely blacked out and my body went into panic.

I’m crushed and heartbroken but i also see that he wants to do the work to regain that trust. Right now we are broken up. i told him i need space before i make any decisions. however the need to figure out my decision is eating me alive every day. i can’t tell whether it’s worth giving it a try again or to give myself time and move on. a part of me is scared i may never rebuild trust again and im aware that the relationship would then be completely different.

I feel like I’m constantly looking for answers and trying to grasp at any sort of clarity. i’ve been doing tarot readings getting advice from friends and family etc. it’s all just throwing me around and confusing me more. part of me wishes I never told anybody about it so that way I wouldn’t be so influenced by other peoples decisions. It also hurts me because they’re telling me that if I were to get back with him, they would hate him, which is very understandable because they don’t wanna see me hurt.

if anybody’s been in a similar situation, did you stay and ended up working out or should I just choose myself and focus on my path of feeling and finding new love?

Hi this is a long story i’ll try my best to make it comprehensive. I F(23) found my now ex M(26) cheated on me.

My bf and i have been together for 2 and a half years To start in March i had found some old condom wrappers when looking for a pen in his desk drawer i completely flipped and had a huge anxiety attack and my ex promised me the wrappers were either old before we had met or old ones we had used. I chose to trust and believe that because it felt believable.

The next day i was still filled with anxiety from the night before and decided to check his phone. In very old messages i had to scroll through i found texts with a girl we can call stacy. in the texts they seemed normal until i scrolled up and saw the thumbnail of a sex video of the two of them. I instantly flipped out and woke him up needing answers. He told me the video was from before we had met and was only in the icloud which seemed to check out however this entire situation shook my trust for him and broke me for a very long time. he told me he met stacy through college and she was essentially just a fuck buddy there was no relationship. i was broken but chose to believe him and decided to move forward with our relationship. i told him if i found out one more thing we would be done.

Fast forward to now in june i was in the shower and was just replaying everything that has happened in march again over and over in my head call it a gut feeling or intuition i don’t know but later that night when my he went to sleep i decided to check his phone again. i had checked his phone after what happened in march and never found anything. i clearly didn’t look hard enough. while everything seemed fine i decided to go to instagram and really scroll this time. i found messages he had a year ago with stacy. now i can’t really explain the messages clearly call it trauma and my brain trying to protect me but what i did find was her scrolling up on the story i had made for his birthday. saying things along the lines of “i thought this was your ex. this clearly doesn’t look like your ex and your asking me for tit pics.” i literally blacked out or my brain did hence why i can’t even remember other messages. once again my body took over and i felt that pain all over again i woke him up and immediately started screaming crying everything, i was a mess. he told me he was drunk and it was a mistake and nothing ever happened but after him breaking my trust i just can’t believe anything he tells me.

The next day i had to pick up my car from his house so i decided to break up with him then. Clean break dropped off all his stuff and grabbed mine. told him i couldn’t be with him anymore and that someone who loves me wouldn’t do this to me. and hoped that everything goes well for him.

Fast forward to today and i went to an urgent care to get a pregnancy test and an std test just to be safe because i clearly can’t trust a word he tells me.

It’s only the second day but i am absolutely heart broken. I never thought this would happen not in a million years i feel betrayed and blindsided and disrespected. i’m trying so hard to not feel fooled or stupid but it’s very hard. my entire life has been turned upside down.

i’m so hurt and i want so badly to get back together with him but i know that it wouldn’t help anything. i’ll never be able to fully trust him. i’ll just build resentment and my confidence will for sure plummet. i have to take care of myself and put myself first but somehow it feels like im doing the wrong thing when i know im doing the right thing.

He texted me and told me that he wrote a letter for me and will drop it off some time this week. then texted me saying i love you and i will always love you forever. my heart is literally broken i know when i get this letter im going to want to read it immediately but everyone’s telling me not to.

I also found out the girl blocked me on instagram so she’s hiding from me clearly. pretty confident that he told her i found out. this just confirms he’s hiding things and there’s more i don’t know.

I unfollowed him on instagram and removed everything from my phone im waiting until i settle some finance things i.e trips planned, bday gifts, and a shared savings account we had before i block him. but once i do that i know ill need to block him and really be done. i cant let him have access to me because i will always be checking.

I guess what i really need to know is how do i get over this and focus on myself im constantly watching “how to get over cheating” tik toks and stuff just to try and find some kind of answers. i know i have to feel the pain but i feel like i am so focused on getting better and getting over it.

This is my first time ever experiencing something like this. any advice would help. thanks