u/Baddestmannn

I’ve just come back from a trip and honestly it made me realize something about myself.

I’m generally not bad with women. If I get into a one-on-one interaction, I’m pretty comfortable, and I can hold a conversation, flirt, make eye contact, etc.
But this trip exposed a huge weakness: I freeze when I know other people are watching me.

There were multiple situations where I wanted to approach a girl, but because we were all in the same group, everyone was standing/sitting together, or my friends were nearby, I became extremely self-conscious.

My brain starts going:
“They’re watching me.”
“What if I say something stupid?”
“What if she rejects me in front of everyone?”
“What are my friends going to think?”

And then I don’t approach.

The frustrating part is that I genuinely think I could have had some success on this trip if I had just acted. I had opportunities, but I kept getting stuck because of the audience.

What’s weird is that when I can interact with someone in a lower-pressure situation, I’m completely different. I can actually be myself.
So I don’t think my main problem is approaching women. It’s being comfortable being seen approaching women.

Has anyone dealt with this specifically? How did you train yourself to stop caring about people watching? Did you deliberately practice approaching in front of friends/groups, or is there another way to break this association?

I’m not looking for generic “just be confident” advice. I want to know how you actually trained yourself to stop feeling like everyone is watching and judging you.

I’ve just come back from a trip and honestly it made me realize something about myself.

I’m generally not bad with women. If I get into a one-on-one interaction, I’m pretty comfortable, and I can hold a conversation, flirt, make eye contact, etc. But this trip exposed a huge weakness: I freeze when I know other people are watching me.

There were multiple situations where I wanted to approach a girl, but because we were all in the same group, everyone was standing/sitting together, or my friends were nearby, I became extremely self-conscious.

My brain starts going:
“They’re watching me.”
“What if I say something stupid?”
“What if she rejects me in front of everyone?”
“What are my friends going to think?”
And then I don’t approach.

The frustrating part is that I genuinely think I could have had some success on this trip if I had just acted. I had opportunities, but I kept getting stuck because of the audience.

What’s weird is that when I can interact with someone in a lower-pressure situation, I’m completely different. I can actually be myself.
So I don’t think my main problem is approaching women. It’s being comfortable being seen approaching women.

Has anyone dealt with this specifically? How did you train yourself to stop caring about people watching? Did you deliberately practice approaching in front of friends/groups, or is there another way to break this association?

I’m not looking for generic “just be confident” advice. I want to know how you actually trained yourself to stop feeling like everyone is watching and judging you.

I met a girl (F26) on vacation through a mutual group of friends.

We first met at the beach with the group. At one point it ended up being just me, her, and another friend talking while everyone else was swimming. We got along really well and talked for quite a while. She mentioned that she sings, and I told her I’d love to hear her sing sometime. She smiled and said yes.
That night we all went to a club. I bought her a drink, but I wasn’t glued to her the whole night.

We naturally kept ending up together, dancing, joking around, and talking. Later, after we left the club, I asked about her singing and she showed me a video of herself performing. While I was watching, we had really strong eye contact, and then she actually started singing along to the video for me. I complimented her voice and her outfit, and at one point playfully spun her around.

Later that night I asked if she wanted to come with me in the car, but she looked at our friends and decided to go with them instead.
The next day, one of our mutual friends (who’s close to her) told me multiple times that she had been saying really nice things about me after I left. He never told me exactly what she said, only that she spoke very highly of me.

I had to travel home that same day.
A couple of days later I followed her on Instagram because we’ll probably all be together again next month. She accepted, followed me back, and actually messaged me first asking how I was. We chatted for a bit, and without me even mentioning it, she apologized for not coming with me in the car that night.

She told me she’s been helping her sister at their beach club, and when I said I still wanted to hear her sing live, she invited me to come because she performs there with her sister. She also asked about my job, and I told her I’d show her what I do when I come back.

Before ending the conversation, I asked what song she had been singing. She said it was an Italian love song that she loves. I told her I didn’t understand a word of it, but I still really enjoyed listening to her because that almost never happens to me. She laughed, thanked me, and we ended things with me saying I’d text her before I came back, and she said okay.

The thing that’s confusing me now is that, if she really does have a boyfriend, I don’t know how to interpret all of this. Some friends think she was clearly interested, while others think she’s just an outgoing, friendly person and I misread the situation.

I’m not looking for validation either way. If anything, knowing she has a boyfriend makes me more skeptical of my own interpretation. From an outside perspective, does this sound like someone who was simply being friendly, or do you think some of these interactions went beyond that? I’m supposed to go back in a week and meet her.

Update: I posted about this situation before, but since then a mutual friend told me she has a boyfriend (as far as I know they’re still together). That completely changed how I’m looking at everything, so I’m reposting with that context because I’m curious whether I was reading too much into her behavior or if she’s simply a very friendly person.

I met a girl (F26) on vacation through a mutual group of friends.

We first met at the beach with the group. At one point it ended up being just me, her, and another friend talking while everyone else was swimming. We got along really well and talked for quite a while. She mentioned that she sings, and I told her I’d love to hear her sing sometime. She smiled and said yes.
That night we all went to a club. I bought her a drink, but I wasn’t glued to her the whole night.

We naturally kept ending up together, dancing, joking around, and talking. Later, after we left the club, I asked about her singing and she showed me a video of herself performing. While I was watching, we had really strong eye contact, and then she actually started singing along to the video for me. I complimented her voice and her outfit, and at one point playfully spun her around.

Later that night I asked if she wanted to come with me in the car, but she looked at our friends and decided to go with them instead.
The next day, one of our mutual friends (who’s close to her) told me multiple times that she had been saying really nice things about me after I left. He never told me exactly what she said, only that she spoke very highly of me.

I had to travel home that same day.
A couple of days later I followed her on Instagram because we’ll probably all be together again next month. She accepted, followed me back, and actually messaged me first asking how I was. We chatted for a bit, and without me even mentioning it, she apologized for not coming with me in the car that night.

She told me she’s been helping her sister at their beach club, and when I said I still wanted to hear her sing live, she invited me to come because she performs there with her sister. She also asked about my job, and I told her I’d show her what I do when I come back.

Before ending the conversation, I asked what song she had been singing. She said it was an Italian love song that she loves. I told her I didn’t understand a word of it, but I still really enjoyed listening to her because that almost never happens to me. She laughed, thanked me, and we ended things with me saying I’d text her before I came back, and she said okay.

The thing that’s confusing me now is that, if she really does have a boyfriend, I don’t know how to interpret all of this. Some friends think she was clearly interested, while others think she’s just an outgoing, friendly person and I misread the situation.

I’m not looking for validation either way. If anything, knowing she has a boyfriend makes me more skeptical of my own interpretation. From an outside perspective, does this sound like someone who was simply being friendly, or do you think some of these interactions went beyond that?

I met a girl on vacation through a mutual group of friends, and now I’m wondering if I completely misread the situation or if there was actually something there.

We first met at the beach with a group. Everyone was talking, and after a while most of the group went swimming. It ended up being me, her, and another friend sitting together, and we kept talking and getting to know each other.

On the way out, she mentioned that she sings. I told her I’d really like to hear her sing sometime, and she smiled, seemed a little shy, and said yes.

That night we met again at a club with the same group. I offered her a drink, but after that I wasn’t glued to her all night. We naturally kept ending up together, joking around, and dancing. There wasn’t any grinding or anything like that, but we were dancing together and laughing a lot.

After the club, we stayed outside talking. I asked her about singing, and she showed me a video of herself performing. While I was listening, we kept making really strong eye contact, and then she actually started singing along with the video. I told her she had a great voice, complimented her outfit, and at one point playfully spun her around.

Later that night I asked if she wanted to come with me in the car, but she looked at our friends first and ended up going with them instead. At the time I thought maybe she just didn’t want it to look weird in front of everyone.

The next day one of our mutual friends (who is close with her) told me two or three separate times that she had been saying really nice things about me after I wasn’t around. He never told me exactly what she said, just that she spoke very highly of me.

Unfortunately, I had to travel back home that day, so I didn’t get to see her again before leaving.

Two days later I sent her a follow request on Instagram because we’ll probably all be together again next month where she lives.

She accepted, followed me back, and then she actually messaged me first.

She started by asking how I was doing. I told her I really enjoyed the time we spent together, and she said she did too.

Then, without me bringing it up, she apologized for not coming with me in the car that night.

She told me she’s been busy helping her sister at their beach club, and when I told her I still wanted to hear her sing live, she invited me to come to the beach club because she sings there with her sister.

She also asked me about my job, and I told her I’d show her what I do (I’m a trader) when I come back.

Before we ended the conversation, I asked what song she had been singing in that video. She told me the name, said it’s an Italian love song, and that she loves it. I told her I didn’t understand a word of it, but I still really enjoyed listening to her because that almost never happens to me. She laughed, thanked me, and we wrapped up the conversation. I told her I’d text her before I came back, and she said okay.

I’m trying to stay objective here, so I’d rather hear honest opinions than people just telling me what I want to hear

I met a girl on vacation through a mutual group of friends, and now I’m wondering if I completely misread the situation or if there was actually something there.

We first met at the beach with a group. Everyone was talking, and after a while most of the group went swimming. It ended up being me, her, and another friend sitting together, and we kept talking and getting to know each other.

On the way out, she mentioned that she sings. I told her I’d really like to hear her sing sometime, and she smiled, seemed a little shy, and said yes.

That night we met again at a club with the same group. I offered her a drink, but after that I wasn’t glued to her all night. We naturally kept ending up together, joking around, and dancing. There wasn’t any grinding or anything like that, but we were dancing together and laughing a lot.

After the club, we stayed outside talking. I asked her about singing, and she showed me a video of herself performing. While I was listening, we kept making really strong eye contact, and then she actually started singing along with the video. I told her she had a great voice, complimented her outfit, and at one point playfully spun her around.

Later that night I asked if she wanted to come with me in the car, but she looked at our friends first and ended up going with them instead. At the time I thought maybe she just didn’t want it to look weird in front of everyone.

The next day one of our mutual friends (who is close with her) told me two or three separate times that she had been saying really nice things about me after I wasn’t around. He never told me exactly what she said, just that she spoke very highly of me.

Unfortunately, I had to travel back home that day, so I didn’t get to see her again before leaving.

Two days later I sent her a follow request on Instagram because we’ll probably all be together again next month where she lives.

She accepted, followed me back, and then she actually messaged me first.

She started by asking how I was doing. I told her I really enjoyed the time we spent together, and she said she did too.

Then, without me bringing it up, she apologized for not coming with me in the car that night.

She told me she’s been busy helping her sister at their beach club, and when I told her I still wanted to hear her sing live, she invited me to come to the beach club because she sings there with her sister.

She also asked me about my job, and I told her I’d show her what I do (I’m a trader) when I come back.

Before we ended the conversation, I asked what song she had been singing in that video. She told me the name, said it’s an Italian love song, and that she loves it. I told her I didn’t understand a word of it, but I still really enjoyed listening to her because that almost never happens to me. She laughed, thanked me, and we wrapped up the conversation. I told her I’d text her before I came back, and she said okay.

I’m trying to stay objective here, so I’d rather hear honest opinions than people just telling me what I want to hear.

I met a girl on vacation through a mutual group of friends, and now I’m wondering if I completely misread the situation or if there was actually something there.

We first met at the beach with a group. Everyone was talking, and after a while most of the group went swimming. It ended up being me, her, and another friend sitting together, and we kept talking and getting to know each other.

On the way out, she mentioned that she sings. I told her I’d really like to hear her sing sometime, and she smiled, seemed a little shy, and said yes.

That night we met again at a club with the same group. I offered her a drink, but after that I wasn’t glued to her all night. We naturally kept ending up together, joking around, and dancing. There wasn’t any grinding or anything like that, but we were dancing together and laughing a lot.

After the club, we stayed outside talking. I asked her about singing, and she showed me a video of herself performing. While I was listening, we kept making really strong eye contact, and then she actually started singing along with the video. I told her she had a great voice, complimented her outfit, and at one point playfully spun her around.

Later that night I asked if she wanted to come with me in the car, but she looked at our friends first and ended up going with them instead. At the time I thought maybe she just didn’t want it to look weird in front of everyone.

The next day one of our mutual friends (who is close with her) told me two or three separate times that she had been saying really nice things about me after I wasn’t around. He never told me exactly what she said, just that she spoke very highly of me.

Unfortunately, I had to travel back home that day, so I didn’t get to see her again before leaving.

Two days later I sent her a follow request on Instagram because we’ll probably all be together again next month where she lives.

She accepted, followed me back, and then she actually messaged me first.

She started by asking how I was doing. I told her I really enjoyed the time we spent together, and she said she did too.

Then, without me bringing it up, she apologized for not coming with me in the car that night.

She told me she’s been busy helping her sister at their beach club, and when I told her I still wanted to hear her sing live, she invited me to come to the beach club because she sings there with her sister.

She also asked me about my job, and I told her I’d show her what I do (I’m a trader) when I come back.

Before we ended the conversation, I asked what song she had been singing in that video. She told me the name, said it’s an Italian love song, and that she loves it. I told her I didn’t understand a word of it, but I still really enjoyed listening to her because that almost never happens to me. She laughed, thanked me, and we wrapped up the conversation. I told her I’d text her before I came back, and she said okay.

I’m trying to stay objective here, so I’d rather hear honest opinions than people just telling me what I want to hear.

I met a girl on vacation through a mutual group of friends, and now I’m wondering if I completely misread the situation or if there was actually something there.

We first met at the beach with a group. Everyone was talking, and after a while most of the group went swimming. It ended up being me, her, and another friend sitting together, and we kept talking and getting to know each other.

On the way out, she mentioned that she sings. I told her I’d really like to hear her sing sometime, and she smiled, seemed a little shy, and said yes.

That night we met again at a club with the same group. I offered her a drink, but after that I wasn’t glued to her all night. We naturally kept ending up together, joking around, and dancing. There wasn’t any grinding or anything like that, but we were dancing together and laughing a lot.

After the club, we stayed outside talking. I asked her about singing, and she showed me a video of herself performing. While I was listening, we kept making really strong eye contact, and then she actually started singing along with the video. I told her she had a great voice, complimented her outfit, and at one point playfully spun her around.

Later that night I asked if she wanted to come with me in the car, but she looked at our friends first and ended up going with them instead. At the time I thought maybe she just didn’t want it to look weird in front of everyone.

The next day one of our mutual friends (who is close with her) told me two or three separate times that she had been saying really nice things about me after I wasn’t around. He never told me exactly what she said, just that she spoke very highly of me.

Unfortunately, I had to travel back home that day, so I didn’t get to see her again before leaving.

Two days later I sent her a follow request on Instagram because we’ll probably all be together again next month where she lives.

She accepted, followed me back, and then she actually messaged me first.

She started by asking how I was doing. I told her I really enjoyed the time we spent together, and she said she did too.

Then, without me bringing it up, she apologized for not coming with me in the car that night.

She told me she’s been busy helping her sister at their beach club, and when I told her I still wanted to hear her sing live, she invited me to come to the beach club because she sings there with her sister.

She also asked me about my job, and I told her I’d show her what I do (I’m a trader) when I come back.

Before we ended the conversation, I asked what song she had been singing in that video. She told me the name, said it’s an Italian love song, and that she loves it. I told her I didn’t understand a word of it, but I still really enjoyed listening to her because that almost never happens to me. She laughed, thanked me, and we wrapped up the conversation. I told her I’d text her before I came back, and she said okay.

I’m trying to stay objective here, so I’d rather hear honest opinions than people just telling me what I want to hear.

I met a girl on vacation a couple of days ago through a mutual group of friends, and I’m curious what you guys think because I’m trying not to convince myself of something that isn’t there.

We first met at the beach with the group. She was really friendly, and everyone was talking. At one point most of the group went swimming, and it ended up just being me, her, and another friend sitting together. We kept talking and getting to know each other.

As we were leaving the beach, she mentioned that she sings. I told her I’d like to hear her sing sometime, and she kind of blushed, smiled, and said yes.

That night we all met again at a club with the same group. I offered to get her a drink, but after that I wasn’t hovering around her or following her everywhere. As the night went on, we naturally ended up dancing together quite a bit. There wasn’t any touching or hand-holding or anything like that, but at one point a song came on and she started dancing toward me. We kept laughing, joking around, and just having fun.

After the club, we stayed outside talking. I asked about her singing, and she pulled out her phone to show me a video. I held the phone up to my ear to listen, and while I was watching we kept making really deep eye contact. Then she actually started singing along with the video while I was listening. I told her she had a really good voice, complimented her outfit, and at one point I playfully spun her around.

The next day, one of our mutual friends (who is close with her) told me two or three separate times that she had been saying really nice things about me after I wasn’t around. He never told me exactly what she said, just that she spoke very highly of me.
Unfortunately, I had to travel back home that day, so I never got the chance to see her again or ask for her Instagram in person.

Two days after we met, I sent her a follow request on Instagram because we’ll probably be with the same friend group again next month where she lives, and I figured it would be nice to keep in touch before then.

Can I know your opinion on this..was she attracted or me sending a request was wrong or am i okay in this

***update****

She has a boyfriend but tbh I’m way more conflicted now because i still wanna text her