u/Baecorn

(This is a vent do not take any of it seriously).

I’m almost on month #5 right now of continuous Yaz. I’ve given it my best shot to adjust but 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
I’m STILL getting PMDD symptoms during what should be my luteal phase and the constant brain fog makes me feel like the dumbest hamster in the room.

PMDD is ass, YAZ is ass, taking antidepressants is ass, the economy is ASS!!!! If I had money right now I’d be on a boat, drunk on mimosas, with my face in a drag queen’s boobs to drown the pain.

Actually, if I had generational wealth, I wouldn’t even need to act neurotypically. I could just exist with ADHD and PMDD and be an eccentric rich annoying NepoBaby artist without needing to push myself to work at “normal standards”. I would have a chef prepare me the most disgusting/delicious slop and deliver it to me in my lavish cage like a prized hog. I’d roll around in my silk sheets for a week and only leave to dine on imported chocolates in the jacuzzi.

This sucks this sucks this sucks this sucks this sucks this sucks I hate yaz why didn’t it cure me !!!!!!

It’s very likely that you, as a person with complex post traumatic stress disorder, are not rich in this economy. If you don’t live with family (or abusers or both), you need to have roommates, it’s not a choice. Except normal roommate troubles are Enhanced through childhood trauma and home can end up feeling like the most unsafe, triggering environment. You feel trapped and watched and hyper-vigilant, exhausted but unable to relax.

So now you’re paying to live somewhere that’s actively damaging you.

Your roommates are blissfully unaware, or they are aware and don’t care because it’s not their problem to fix. They live normal lives. Their Normal behavior makes you feel crazy. They might even see you as a little crazy. They’ll probably have stories about you.

In the few instances that you have wonderful, safe roommates, you’ll feel so calm and capable for the first time in your life. But renting is temporary and that will quickly change. Over the years, you’ll flip flop between safe and unsafe people in your home, even if you try your best to find the right ones. No one ever shows their true self in an interview. (You don’t either).

Your bedroom is both your safe space and your little jail cell, or your zoo cage. You only feel it’s safe to cook, or watch tv, or do laundry when the house is empty.

You don’t talk to your roommates except for the necessities. You know the beats of their footsteps and based on that, their moods. You know what foods they’re eating lately and how much shampoo or toothpaste they have left. You know who they’re talking to on the phone from the tone of conversation.

You’re tired.

I’m on month # 4 1/2 of taking generic Yaz and I feel like my thoughts are constantly trudging through the mud !!

Oh my god the PMDD is “better” (aka it’s regular PMS now) but I can’t finish my sentences and writing anything is literal torture because my brain is EMPTY of words. Or maybe it has a lot to say but the translation to comprehensible sentences machine is broken ??

I can’t even activate the last-minute hyperfocus for assignments anymore. They just don’t get done and I want to sleep. 😢