u/Beneficial-Tap-1710

Waited weeks for a brain mri, finally got it yesterday. This morning was looking at images on my PC but obviously don’t know how to read them, just looking as if I’d know what I’m looking at when my computer auto play starts up with Fontaines Favorite. Ouch. A poignant little funny moment that told me to shut the damn computer and wait.

So I have a fun new medical condition I’m being treated for and am still in diagnosis stages. The 24/7 caregiver stress isn’t helping and I’ve almost got her in AL but not quite yet.

Anyway ended up in ER myself with an emergency and it was rough but I had someone to watch her as it was nighttime.

Did some research this weekend, not fully verified with real people (hospital social workers, etc) but if it happens again and I’m in urgent distress (as I was) I can go in and bring her or even call 911 and they’ll deal with both of us. Since she has no one else. I’ve held off several times because I couldn’t leave her but whey I called to see if they could do an emergency admission to AL they said no. But I mentioned my health problems and hospital issues and that changed everything. They said if it was bad they could find a bed for her.

I know it’s not ideal but me dying because no one can watch her is also not ideal. I despise the social worker at the hospital she’s been to but whatever

I tried talking to her today and it was so disheartening. The veil of dementia just covers any good she used to have. She listed all the things she wanted me to do tomorrow and I tried to explain that I’m having an MRI and some other tests and my day is very busy but she’ll be taken care of. Then I said (in what I hoped would reach her heart): you’ve had many years on earth with your family, I want more too! And she just said, “but my tooth hurts”.

Okay. Deep breath.

My point was this info may help others!

So we're very close to getting her into AL. The medical approvals are done, the other paperwork is almost done. Touring begins next week. She says she's on board and looking forward to it. Now, if you knew her, you'd know that is a complete lie.

However, she's gone completely downhill this last week. The dementia has gone into overdrive. And I am very angry. What makes it SO much worse is my husband's reaction to me. See, she has an apartment attached to our house so he literally NEVER sees her or interacts with her. EVER. Yet he's an expert on dealing with her. "You should..." is his favorite phrase. And when I get frustrated, he gets angry and says "how can you let an insane person make you mad? That makes you insane!". So yeah, I'm looking for a place to send him too. Our relationship has always been difficult. Caregiving has made it that much harder.

Anyhoo, I'm losing my shit. For one reason, I've developed some major health issues of my own (several! Fun!) and was in hospital last week. My mother has zero sympathy. Because she cared for her MIL a whole month when she was 40. An entire month, imagine that! Now I'm going on ten years with her. She doesn't see a difference.

So today started with her yelling and upset because her cat is "passing" large stools that are difficult and dangerous. I had to explain it's clumping cat litter that looks large, it's from cat pee and not actually something her cat is passing. Nope, I'm wrong. She's right. She's waving her finger around to correct me. The knarled angry twisted look her face gets is just demonic.

Then she's mad because I bought her the "wrong" diapers and they leak. Same ones she's been using for months. But she fights changing them, even when I stand there with a clean one to put on. She physically pushes me away. So her favorite chair is soaked and I stepped into a puddle in front of the chair. Pee. I told her she had to change them, tried to help her, got kicked in the face. Was told it was the crappy diapers I bought. Tried to show her on Amazon the options of others to purchase. Refuses to look.

Then the Amazon drama. I had to take her visa and close her Prime account three years ago because she was buying like a drunken sailor on all sorts of shit she never even took out of bag. Thought that was solved. Nope. She opened a new Prime trial and ordered more shit. She had actually got into MY purse and got my credit card out (they can still be wily!). I tried to cancel order but too late, need to wait to return. She was angry and then finally said, "well then if you're going to be mean, return it!". I explained Amazon charges for returns now. She didn't believe me.

Yesterday I had taken her to a doc appointment and we had ubered as she can't ride in my car (can't climb up). After this little bit of hell, I came home tired (still under meds for my health condition). I took a nap. I take her dinner and she starts cackleing about how I need to get into shape and maybe workout more because I'm too tired and lazy and not as strong as she is. Mind you, she doesn't get out of her chair, not even to pee. The only reason she had energy is I was pushing her overweight self quite a distance in the wheelchair. I do workout daily and so it just pissed me off.

Then this afternoon (yes, the day was still young), she hands me a list of her items she wants me to list on Ebay and sell for her. A bunch of crap, knickknacks, that she feels are worth thousands that aren't worth anything. I said no. She lost her shit. Why am I so meannnnnn? When she's done EVERYTHING for me? heavy, heavy sigh.

Then she says, "well I gave you this house". !!!!! Where the hell that came from, I don't know. But she didn't. We bought this house, my husband and I. Not for a second did she pitch in. But does she really believe that?

I know she's probably getting scared because of AL and leaving what has been her home. But I also realize none of her other children speak to her because it's a HER problem. She's not known for her nice qualities and I'm the dummy that ended up taking care of her out of guilt, thinking somehow that it'd be a lovely bonding experience, which shows how delusional I am. It's been sheer hell every minute. I've tried to show sympathy but I'm just out. Completely.

She's so lazy she won't turn off a lamp within reach, won't press the off button on her tv remote, nothing even slightly simple she'll just yell for me to do. I CANNOT continue. I'm sick of my own name from hearing it shouted 24/7.

Now to my own mental health. I've tried to be a nice person. I'm not perfect and I end up turning my rage inwards so I am messed up. I cry a lot, I have autoimmune issues, I can't sleep. But I feel this new rage birthing in me where I want to throw things and break glass and just scream. It's been latent a long time. I can't keep doing this. I felt so shitty today and having him yell at me too, and then his solution to calm me down was to whip out his cock and suggest sex and I very nearly had a stroke from rage.

I don't know how to cope. I'm failing at it all. My nerves are raw, my patience is non existent. And my husband, OMG, he's such an asshole.

How does one move on and create a new life when everything is utter shit?

WWYD? Nice neighborhood but new guy has giant ass truck that he sits in and just revs. For fun. Clearly he has no life and thinks we're impressed. Drives around, parks on side streets and revs some more. Enough to wake us up. All hours of the day are fair game to him.

I think horrible thoughts, and I'm generally a nice person. But my blood boils when I hear it. The sound just sends me into psycho mode instantly. Any legal thoughts, beyond the piss disc?

That’s all I have in my RFY.

Literally, a bag of dicks. A gag gift.

What is vine telling me?

I think I’m having one. I can’t stop crying/screaming. Family ignoring me. Patient (narcissistic mom) completely unaware, says I’m too stressed because I’m overthinking and that I should pray more. Hiding in guest room under covers.

What do I do? Recently diagnosed with yet another major medical issue and I can’t do this anymore.

Do I go to hospital?

This one is killing me as it is So So Good! Two intelligent guys dissect pop culture airport books and it’s both funny and serious and enlightening all at once. They go in depth and aren’t just in it to tear down authors. Although, they most definitely will if it is warranted.

Just listened to their take on The Four Hour Body and was in my bed giggling like a judgy idiot while my husband slept. Not so much comedy but a brilliant takedown of unintentionally funny experts.

Highly recommended, up there with Swindled but more laughs.