u/Big_Requirement3069

i feel like its actually my fault. how do you cope when its actually your fault?

i feel violated by my first ever relationship. now, i feel like my body isnt mine … when i think about my body, all i can feel is being looked at and touched by someone who i didnt want to look at or touch me. like its tainted and ruined now. i cant wipe it away from that persons mind. forever, they get to know what my body looks and feels like. i want to feel like its mine again

and because it was my first relationship, i feel like i cant have that “first relationship” again. especially because my family knew about and met him. my family also didnt care when i told them about what happened. :( i feel like i dont get to have an innocent, happy, lovely first relationship experience, and i definitely dont get to have my “first time” with someone i like. i feel like im not explaining this well… i just want to feel like my body is mine. please help

i’m a nice girl

i just cant tell and its so hard. because i dont know if im feeling a justifiable amount of guilt or if i’m actually just blowing everything out of proportion in my head. its hard to try and heal because i keep thinking that im feeling this guilty for a reason, and it keeps me stuck here. i just want to know

i have so much going on! i dont know whats wrong with me and i just want to feel better. but my attempt at therapy has been.. not good!! she didnt seem to understand what i was feeling at all, despite my asking if she had experience with people like me. i hated our session so much that i ended it in frustrated tears … she just had me explain everything to her in like, weird amounts of detail,
like she didnt understand me. then she ended the session with advice that felt so … unhelpful!!! like she didnt even understand who she was talking to. i dont get it. i feel more sad and alone than before i started therapy .__. !!! and i’m hundreds of dollars short.
and im angry because during our very first meeting, she didnt even really give me a chance to say no. she just asked when im available to start. and i sometimes have a hard time in those situations, turning people down.
i just cant do therapy!!!! i hate it!!! i fr feel like i was robbed.
i cant talk to my friends or family, so i really just have to be alone with this? i feel like everyone in my life has hurt me, or let me down, or made things worse for me. ;^;

i dont think i can ever have a boyfriend because i can’t deal with having to have sex all the time… after i was SA by my first boyfriend somebody i trust sat me down and told me that, when youre with a guy, youre expected to do these things. so it was my fault? ever since then, i havent wanted to even think about having a boyfriend. everytime i look online, everyone says men dont care about women, and just sex…
i like sex, too. but i cant live up to having to do it for somebody elses sake. i dont want to do it every day. i might not even want to every week. how can i know? i cant meet those standards. and im safe now because im single if i had a partner, the pressure would be on... :( and thats just too much for me.
im really feeling sad, i wish things were different

i dont know why! it happens without me thinking. for some reason especially when tired or drunk. i remember drinking with ppl at college, my voice always went super high and people would make fun of me : ( i never even recognize it personally unless someone says something

im just feeling embarrassed about it today

i swear, theres days/weeks in my life where i feel like i check all the boxes. but other times where i feel … fine? maybe not great, but fine. no rumination, no worrying, hardly any intrusive thoughts… is it constant for everybody?

i started seeing a therapist only a week ago and now i feel like i made a mistake?

ive started to look into ocd more and browse this sub quite frequently, because i just found myself relating to a lot of other peoples experiences and it honestly feels good after so many years of feeling entirely alone in my thoughts.

but i noticed that now that im thinking a lot about ocd and its symptoms, and trying to figure out if i really could have it, some things have suddenly increased ?! like for a while now ive had this specific routine surrounding washing my hands (i use more soap and scrub them for longer than is considered normal, sometimes multiple times in a row if it doesnt feel right) .. i just really feel uncomfortable about being dirty and it just brings me comfort IDK, but i feel like suddenly ive started to do it more? which, i know is such a stereotypical thing. and im worried that im pretending because now i WANT to have ocd? i dont want to pretend

so. is it possible for people to fake symptoms and not know that they are faking it? and how can one avoid doing it?

hellooo i just have some questions that i wanted to ask! you can answer all of them or just pick whatever one you want. your choice

1. what is the difference between anxiety and an obsession? how does it feel to you?
2. do you feel like you have to perform compulsions every time you get a negative or intrusive thought? if not, could that still be a case of OCD?
3. While you have huge obsessions, can you have smaller/background obsessions aswell? like (for example) being mildly fixated on cleanliness in some areas while your main obsession is something else, like morality?
4. in your experience, is there something commonly mistaken for OCD when it’s actually something else?
5. are you professionally diagnosed? if so, were there any downsides to getting a diagnosis?
6. are there any fictional characters in media that you’ve found really represent your ocd? (whether they were written to have it or not)
7. do you ever get intrusive thoughts of neutral things? theyre not necessarily negative or upsetting, but youre unable to stop looping the image/thought in your head

, perhaps to the point of discomfort.

My dad bought Downy Unstopables In-Wash Scent Booster and washed all my laundry using it (pillowcases, bedsheets, clothing). Im 90% sure this is the cause…

I started breaking out on my face. I feel a bit itchy (not persistently) and dryness? D:

But what I’m actually concerned about is my right eye (the one I mainly sleep on). It feels gritty, and has been twitching throughout the day. There’s even some blurriness. No redness or pain. I also used my shirt (that was washed with the evil product) to kinda rub at my eye without thinking.

I am mostly fine I just am worried that itll be damaged! :(((( Vision loss is my biggest fear

what should a 21 year old with absolutely nothing going for them do with their life?

ive already given up on true self-fulfillment, i think its not really possible for someone like me. but i think i should at-least try something. so what should i do with a blank canvas?

when i was 19-20, i had a friend online who was 16, and we would talk and play videogames everyday for a few months. im so terrified that i did something harmful and dont even know it. i feel so worried that i wasnt appropriate enough. that i was wrong or creepy. i think about what happened all the time and try to figure out if or how i was wrong. i keep thinking of these instances where they laughed and mentioned sexual topic jokes and i just said “stop” and brushed it off cause i didnt know what to do, it took me like weeks to firmly put my foot down about it and say not to mention stuff like that. i cut them off abruptly and i also feel bad about this. i literally dont want to move forward because i feel like everyone will someday find out about this friendship and rightfully think im a weirdo. i feel like i deserve to be punished for this. i dont know what to do

when i was 19-20, i had a friend online who was 16, and we would talk and play videogames everyday for a few months. im so terrified that i did something harmful and dont even know it. i feel so worried that i wasnt appropriate enough. that i was wrong or creepy. i think about what happened all the time and try to figure out if or how i was wrong. i keep thinking of this instance where they laughed and mentioned sexual jokes and i just brushed it off cause i didnt know what to do, it took me like weeks to firmly put my foot down about it and say i wasnt comfortable. i cut them off abruptly and i also feel bad about this. i literally dont want to move forward because i feel like everyone will someday find out about this friendship and rightfully think im a weirdo. i feel like i deserve to be punished for this

when i was 19-20, i had a friend online who was 16, and we would talk and play videogames everyday for a few months. im so terrified that i did something harmful and dont even know it. i feel so worried that i wasnt appropriate enough. that i was wrong or creepy. i think about what happened all the time and try to figure out if or how i was wrong. i keep thinking of this instance where they laughed and mentioned sexual jokes and i just brushed it off cause i didnt know what to do, it took me like weeks to firmly put my foot down about it and say i wasnt comfortable. i cut them off abruptly and i also feel bad about this. i literally dont want to move forward because i feel like everyone will someday find out about this friendship and rightfully think im a weirdo. i feel like i deserve to be punished for this

i don’t know what’s going on with me. i just want someone to listen to me and offer any thoughts at all. i’ve never opened up about this so it would really help.

one thing i struggle with a lot , is this weird fixation on contamination . i’ll give an example. it often shows up around this one thing i really care about and enjoy a lot. at one point, it made me genuinely happy and felt like a safe, positive thing in my life. maybe because of that, i’ve always felt a lot of pressure around it … like I need to protect it from any negativity or bad memories. its been a bit intense at times. and after some moments where i felt embarrassed or like i made mistakes in spaces connected to it, my brain has started to link those feelings to the thing itself. now when i try to just love it, i get intrusive thoughts, feelings that it’s somehow “tainted” or ruined, or like i’m not allowed to enjoy it anymore? i dont know.

more so, i struggle a lot (a lot lot lot) with intense anxiety around like … past mistakes or embarrassing moments, and how they reflect on me as a person. this is a daily struggle for me. memories come at me all of the time, no matter what i do or where i am, and i feel stuck trying to figure out if they were truly wrong, how bad they were, or whether they could come back to affect me in the future.

a big part of this is an overwhelming fear of being exposed, or “cancelled,” … even though i’m not a public figure? it might not make sense, but it’s constant. i review every single thing i do, trying to assess how it makes me look, whether or not it could come back to bite me. i’m terrified to have a social media presence, or just doing anything worthwhile in the real world because of the possibility that it could come crashing down. i always feel like i need to hide !!!! like i am so, so guilty, all of the time, and i don’t even truly know why. i understand that it may be irrational but i CANNOT stop the feeling and worries.

i feel i have to be extremely careful with what I say and share, even to my closest friends. i’m always going back and deleting messages that i think could be misinterpreted or misconstrued, or deleting people who i feel are “unsafe”. i’m afraid to have arguments because they might one day use it to shame me infront of the whole world. i’ve even lost friends because i felt they knew too much about me and would use it against me. .__. i just worry that if i’m not careful enough, i could make things worse or create new problems. i also worry that it’s too late.

like: an example of this, is i’ll think about friendships or interactions i’ve had with people who were younger than me, thinking about the years between us, anything i said or did that could possibly be read as creepy, or fearing that they will find me in the future and expose me as a creep for things that i said or did. i’m just terrified that i’ve been inappropriate and i feel like i can’t do anything because i will get exposed for it someday and my whole entire life will be ruined. i think about this literally all the time.

there’s more than just the examples i wrote, i think … these are just the things i felt like getting off my chest. basically, my mind is a prison i can’t escape LOL. man, i would do anything to stop this feeling. if you read this and have any advice at all, thank you

i don’t know what’s going on with me. i just want someone to listen to me and offer any thoughts at all. i’ve never opened up about this so it would really help.

one thing i struggle with a lot , is this weird fixation on contamination . i’ll give an example. it often shows up around this one thing i really care about and enjoy a lot. at one point, it made me genuinely happy and felt like a safe, positive thing in my life. maybe because of that, i’ve always felt a lot of pressure around it … like I need to protect it from any negativity or bad memories. its been a bit intense at times. and after some moments where i felt embarrassed or like i made mistakes in spaces connected to it, my brain has started to link those feelings to the thing itself. now when i try to just love it, i get intrusive thoughts, feelings that it’s somehow “tainted” or ruined, or like i’m not allowed to enjoy it anymore? i dont know.

more so, i struggle a lot (a lot lot lot) with intense anxiety around like … past mistakes or embarrassing moments, and how they reflect on me as a person. this is a daily struggle for me. memories come at me all of the time, no matter what i do or where i am, and i feel stuck trying to figure out if they were truly wrong, how bad they were, or whether they could come back to affect me in the future.

a big part of this is an overwhelming fear of being exposed, or “cancelled,” … even though i’m not a public figure? it might not make sense, but it’s constant. i review every single thing i do, trying to assess how it makes me look, whether or not it could come back to bite me. i’m terrified to have a social media presence, or just doing anything worthwhile in the real world because of the possibility that it could come crashing down. i always feel like i need to hide !!!! like i am so, so guilty, all of the time, and i don’t even truly know why. i understand that it may be irrational but i CANNOT stop the feeling and worries.

i feel i have to be extremely careful with what I say and share, even to my closest friends. i’m always going back and deleting messages that i think could be misinterpreted or misconstrued, or deleting people who i feel are “unsafe”. i’m afraid to have arguments because they might one day use it to shame me infront of the whole world. i’ve even lost friends because i felt they knew too much about me and would use it against me. .__. i just worry that if i’m not careful enough, i could make things worse or create new problems. i also worry that it’s too late.

like: an example of this, is i’ll think about friendships or interactions i’ve had with people who were younger than me, thinking about the years between us, anything i said or did that could possibly be read as creepy, or fearing that they will find me in the future and expose me as a creep for things that i said or did. i’m just terrified that i’ve been inappropriate and i feel like i can’t do anything because i will get exposed for it someday and my whole entire life will be ruined. i think about this literally all the time.

there’s more than just the examples i wrote, i think … these are just the things i felt like getting off my chest. basically, my mind is a prison i can’t escape LOL. man, i would do anything to stop this feeling. if you read this and have any advice at all, thank you

i was scrolling on tiktok, and an account came up that detailed a horrific rape case… (it was just 2-3 sentences, but it was very terrible, detailed violence.)

there was no content warning or anything, it was just like BAM 💥. and now i cant get it out of my head and im feeling just terrified thinking about it, about that girl, about it happening to me someday.

what should i do to feel better? ive blocked the account so i wont get more videos like that and i think ill steer clear of social media apps for a while, but that doesnt change how i feel Right Now and im wondering what i should do :( .

i like to think about having a boyfriend, but the reality of men is scary and uncomfortable to me. :c … i don’t like the things i’m expected to do as a girlfriend … and i don’t like the things i’m meant to endure from a boyfriend. i would rather just stay away from them so that i won’t have to ever go through these things. i guess it just makes me a little sad that the things i daydream about aren’t possible in reality

i made an online friend that had a crush on me i felt unsure about my feelings towards her (looking back, i wasnt into her, i just enjoyed having a close friendship). still, i told her clearly a couple of times that im not interested in anything more than friends between us. she was very pushy (in numerous aspects of our friendship) so i cut her off.

but one thing i keep thinking about today, is like … i have this musician i REALLY like, and i had a bit of a crush on them, and she knew about this. and so she’d tease me and make up like stories of us together, silly cute stuff and it made me laugh. but a few times she took it further and … she’d just talk about him doing sexual things to me ? i laughed it off the first few times , she didnt go into a lot of detail … but one time, she took it further and was essentially like … going into detail about it? it just felt wrong and uncomfortable and i don’t know why this happened . i ended up expressing my discomfort. she said it was just for jokes but there was no joke, she just went on to talk about me having sex with someone i dont even actually know, In Detail, and like …. i just felt really objectified i dont know. i didnt even wanna talk about this musician with her anymore after that

i dont know if i did something to make it seem like i wanted her to do this? i just dont know. but i feel like i cant even crush on this musician anymore because it just feels weird and tainted now , even though it used to make me quite happy

i just don’t understand where i went wrong. i feel gross and embarrassed confessing to this