u/Billy_Butcher139

I've been lurking the dating-related subs a lot lately and I've noticed the influx of posts about people blowing their chances with what seemed to be matches that genuinely looked serious about dating or giving things a chance. This applies to both genders but personally the women's POV was more prominent to me.

Some common complaints I saw were guys always turning things sexual and getting pushy, sometimes even downright hostile when they can't get what they want. I just came across another post where a guy went haywire just cause the girl wouldn't go to his place on the first date.

WHY BRO?? The amount of fumbles I've seen lately...

Meanwhile I'm on the other end of this disconnect being genuinely mindful, empathetic, energetic and playful yet i either get ghosted, or matched with the driest human beings known to man. I have yet to come across someone willing to give me a genuine chance. I know being an "upstanding citizen" doesn't make me obligated to date women but what I'm trying to say is this blatant disparity drives me freaking crazy. I didn't have much of an issue getting matches however I've noticed a dip in daily-shown profiles lately and that could be a sign that I've exhausted my options locally. That's pretty much out of my control.

So many people had legitimate opportunities to date but would rather sabotage them because they can't get into women's pants meanwhile on the opposite end of the spectrum, genuine guys who are serious don't seem to have much of a chance sometimes.

I'm really beginning to accept the fact that online dating might be worse off than meeting people organically and am heavily considering just deleting the apps altogether especially for my sanity's sake. The only reason I'm on the apps is because my lifestyle, schedule and geography makes socialising a bit difficult but I'd rather meet IRL any day if provided with the choice.

This genuinely can't be something that only I experience right? Am I interpreting this wrongly?

Man, life’s been bumming me raw in the bum lately with no lube. Imma try not to trauma dump a lot and keep it short so here it goes, some context:

27M, engineering esp offshore like on rigs was and still is a dream of mine since i was a kid. Years ago I dropped out of college for personal reasons and i guess the dream died there.

Then i started working in other industries on and off but i’ve never felt… accomplished, if that makes sense. Like there was always this longing to be something, or someone else.

I’m currently now just a helper in a hawker stall. I thought I could’ve turned this into a long-term career in the fnb world but after 2 months of gruelling 12 hour hot shifts in the kitchen with my ears getting yelled off by the cooks, I really feel like I’m at my wit’s end.

I lost my mother not too long ago, lost the girl of my dreams, lost my will to live honestly. I’ve thinking about and have heard of people that i have met before whom worked on offshore rigs without a degree. I feel like i need a change in my life, maybe going back to the last time i felt hope, to pursuing my dream again.

I guess my question is, is it too late for me? Is there anyone here that has worked offshore and was in the same boat as me? I could really use some pointers. Are there any courses/certs i can take to get one foot through the offshore door? I am physically capable, ive white-knuckled my mental through these few years so i believe i can do more.

I don’t expect anyone to hand me a six-figure job. I’m willing to start at the bottom and work my way up.

Some related skillset I guess: i got 2 years experience working in construction, a foundation in engineering and completed a Workplace Safety and Health course a few years back.

Edit: By offshore I actually meant on oil rigs or something along those lines.

some context: I’m a very shy guy but i do believe and have been told that i have good conversational skills.

Long story short:

I matched with this girl and we hit it off extremely well. Our back-and-forth and chemistry were really good too that we could text for hours on end.

However, she kept urging to meet IRL ASAP and i was hesitant and concerned that I wouldn’t be able to be myself (like how i am in texts) and that would maybe turn her off and make her think we’re not a good match, if that makes sense. I’ve read a lot of people saying, including from her, that who they got over text was not who they experienced when meeting in person (also about meeting in person ASAP to gauge chemistry) and so they shut it down rather quickly and i was so concerned it might happen to me cuz i genuinely really liked her and wanted to impress her. I’ve never felt so alive while talking to her.

Told myself to go big or go home and in the end i went home. I got rejected/friend-zoned like 30 mins into the date or as she called it, a “hangout”.

I guess i’ve been dwelling on this the past few weeks. I do believe i would’ve performed better if it wasn’t for the nerves. Is there anything that I should know of so that I never repeat the same mistake again next time?…. If there is a next time.

It's so hard to get a match and when i do, they either let the match expire or expect me to reply to one of their opening moves. Like the women are supposed to make the first move if I'm not mistaken? I get it if they're shy as im shy too

When the conversation starts rolling, I still have to do the heavy lifting! I get the driest replies ever like i mean what's even the point of swiping on me in the first place if it feels like a chore? I don't want to keep asking questions and turn this into an interrogation but if i don't then the other party will be least likely to engage back.

This can't be normal right? Am i just unlucky? If they're not interested they didn't have to swipe at all or at least stop dragging me along. This happens to EVERY one of my matches.

There was even one girl i genuinely liked but after exchanging IGs she told me she was trans. I assumed she lied to get out of it without letting me down but still, such a bummer.