u/Brave_Star3204

ps: im sorry if my english is a bit bad haha.

I started working there as a substitute few months ago. Since the beginning i keep hearing how subsitutes are taking their place etc etc. I just ignored it. But my boss didnt want me as a substitute, he wanted me in the team, so the last couple of weeks ive noticed that he lets me work only at that location. He told not only me but also them that he doesnt play that substitute game, everyone should have the same rights.

Now when i adress problems at work they tell me thats not for me to speak on and to stop gossiping. But when they do it its okay. When a co worker forgets to wash dishes they say it was me and i get lectured. When i defend myself i get told i worry about the smallest things. But then they turn around and go complain that i didnt wash the dishes (it wasnt my task, so i didnt do it indeed lmao?). When i load the fridge and 1 thing is in the wrong place they send a message adressing it. But when they do it, again its okay.

So last week for once i did forget something. They send a message in the groupchat adressing it again. The message was along the lines of ''sorry for complaining again but the person that closed on tuesday forgot xyz''. Another co worker responds to the sender and says ''this is the result when they let substitutes work more than us, i know they try their hardest but i hope we get our hours back and things go better''. The sender responds ''yeah but this substitute has been working here for months now, she's basically one of us she shouldnt forget these things''.

I stayed quiet again, cause ive been observing them for a while. The weird thing is that i heard from other substitutes (we are with like 5 of us) that they snare at them too and make weird remarks, but not this bad. And i'm the only one that works on that location every single day.

Am i going crazy or am i becoming a target?

First of all i'm sorry if im rambling. Everytime i think about this i spiral. I dont even know if its justified for me to feel like i was abused sometimes.

In my experience i was always a parentified child. Our dad was a alcoholic cheater. His image was everything for him. He was the most wealthy man in our family and took advantage of that. He would go party while leaving my half siblings and their mom at home without food or anything. Their mom was sick so she couldnt provide.

He did horrible things to my mother. Cheated with her bestfriend which resulted in my halfsiblings being born. My mom was hated by the whole neighborhood due to my fathers status. So bad that she ended up in a mental institution for a while. After that my mom decided to move to the ghetto with me and my brothers and leave everything behind. So we barely saw our father. If we did i was always the one that would get abused.

My half sister and i were born 18 days apart. She really had two faces to her. She would do things outside of the house like dating reckless men but i would get blamed for it. She would accidentally cause a fire while cooking and i would get called and scolded. She would miss school and not get her diploma and when i would graduate i would get told ''yeah but did your sister tho?''. We both could be eating out of my fathers plate and she would get praised while i would get called disgustingly disrespectful by the family members seeing us do it. And these are just a few examples. Everytime i would visit my dad would drive us. In the car he would praise how beautiful i was and how nice my hair was. But as soon as we reached her frontdoor he would change and tell me to wear my hair in a bun and dont talk about it.

And while i got blamed she would just stand there and watch me. But behind close doors she would cry about how bad our life was. When i would explode and rage defend myself she would act scared etc etc. When i got sewerslidal and had to go to a institution she told me ''then stop taking all the blame''. I told her then start taking accountability for your faults yourself. The list goes on. After a while i felt like i had to constantly check her so she wouldnt make missteps cause if she did, i would get blamed for it. I even landed in juvi due to this.

Im not gonna lie, at first i just took it all and even leaned into the role i was placed in. Thinking it was normal But I eventually became a exiled child due to this, since i never stopped speaking up against the narcissistic family dynamic when i realized it wasnt normal. No matter how much i tried to make her see how abusive our family was, she didnt believe me. She just started resenting me and i started resenting her.

My father tried to reach out to me multiple times but i chose to stay no contact. He now suddenly speaks about how much he loved me and how he is proud of the life i've made for myself.

I'm wondering if someone has more insight cause this is keeping me stuck for years, even during therapy. I dont wanna go around blaming the wrong person or not taking accountability.

I posted in here before but i got mostly the answer that our chart is the same. We are half siblings born 18 days apart. But things just got worse. For years i thought i was abusing my sibling, my family deemed me a rageful, bad sibling very early on. But in therapy i found out i was scapegoated and blamed for not only her but everyone's actions a lot. She spoke to a astrologer herself whom told her that due to her pluto in the 4th house i was the one abusing her?

In my experience i was always a parentified child. Our dad was a alcoholic and my sister really had two faces to her. She would do things outside of the house like dating reckless men but i would get blamed for it. She would accidentally cause a fire while cooking and i would get called and scolded. She would miss school and not get her diploma and when i would graduate i would get told ''yeah but did your sister tho?''.

And while i got blamed she would just stand there and watch me. When i would explode and rage defend myself she would act scared etc etc. When i got sewerslidal and had to go to a institution she told me ''then stop taking all the blame''. The list goes on. After a while i felt like i had to constantly check her so she wouldnt make missteps cause if she did, i would get blamed for it. I even landed in juvi due to this.

Im not gonna lie, at first i just took it all and even leaned into the role i was placed in. Thinking it was normal But I eventually became a exiled child due to this, since i never stopped speaking up against the narcissistic family dynamic when i realized it wasnt normal. No matter how much i tried to make her see how abusive our family was, she didnt believe me. She just started resenting me and i started resenting her.

I'm wondering if someone has more insight cause this is keeping me stuck for years, even during therapy. I dont wanna go around blaming the wrong person or not taking accountability.

I'm blue and she's orange.

https://preview.redd.it/95u3dpwx5v0h1.png?width=901&format=png&auto=webp&s=4b3e904629827bd73c2e44aa1fd7877a50c6846e

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I pulled hierophant, queen of swords and magician underlied by page of swords.

I honestly didnt really know what to make out of this? So i asked how i act on the energy of the page of swords to get more clarity and pulled 6 of wands and 7 of wands.

I'm swinging between two interpretations and would love to see if you guys have a idea which one it fits best, or what you think its trying to tell me

1. Im living a life based on the rules/structure of society while slowly learning to decern what needs to stay and what needs to be reconstructed in a sense? I'm still in the learning phase and am succesfully defending my new stance?

or

2. Im living a life where i use structure, stoicism/logic and manifestation/creation to mask the fact that i still feel very insecure inside. Which results in defensiveness instead of just trusting my own judgement?

I do feel in this phase of my life that im in a sort of storm. From living by the rules to creating my own authority in a sense. And it comes with a lot of backlash that i'm trying to navigate. Im losing friends, got a new job where the vets are trying to keep me ''a intern'' but my boss is telling me to stand up more, things like that. I'm constantly in doubt if im doing the right thing.

If this is not advanced enough pls delete. English is also not my first language.

I'm a baby astrologer of 7 years only and i keep getting stuck at this specific axis.

Everytime i read/learn about it i see the framing/observation that people with this axis are very agressive and seek out aggression themselves. That they need to learn how to be nicer and use their powers for good.

Everytime someone with this axis asks for advice on others being mean to them its ''its you, you just dont realize it''.

The more i read in to this the more i feel like its leaning towards victim blaming and double standards.

People with 1h mars are very direct and have a aura of a warrior attached to them in a sense. But in my observations these are very much the type of people that others wanna beat down a peg to assert their own dominance. They can walk into a room doing nothing and still get attacked? They can have a chart full of cancer, libra etc and still get attacked. Keep their mouth shut when screamed at and slapped and still they'll be the ones told they started it.

I'm starting to think people with this axis are given it to learn to stand up for themselves..

Can someone help me along? Maybe im misreading/misunderstanding something..

https://preview.redd.it/09bzkksgf30h1.png?width=894&format=png&auto=webp&s=91146d0c6f100c9d392c632be480195eef887b85

I have this pattern in my life that when i feel like i'm standing up for myself im constantly called self centered, co dependent and sneaky?

At work, at home, in relationships and friendships. Even when i look at the instant astrology reports online. I think its the 7h aries moon and 1h scorpio mars.

But my view on my life and situations are completely different from this? I feel like i constantly attract those type of people and have to mother them so i feel safe in a sense?

I attract a lot of 12h moons that dont even feel in a sense but accuse me of being cold. Weirdly enough a lot of hoarders. Scorpio moons that constantly control me to the point that my doctor had to call the DV line twice. Its always the same signs too. Libra mars a lot too. A lot of sneaky harmful behavior which results in reactive abuse.

If i just let them be and dont say anything im the best person ever, but as soon as i stand my ground or explode im a horrible N word (thats banned here) lmao.

What is my chart trying to teach me?

I hear a lot of people in astrology say people with moon/cancer in the 7th house constantly want to be mothered and are projecting their mother wound onto others.

Am i the only 7th house moon that sees the complete opposite?

Often having to mother others under the surface, their subconcious problems they don't even see i'm managing and then still getting called self centered if i try to stand up for myself or want equal give and take?

Or are we just blind to the problem?

example; Your friend is very detached from their emotions, but constantly thinks youre being cold. So now you have to constantly reassure them, without giving them the feeling youre reassuring them cause then they'll detach more. So they dont even realize the work you're doing. But then when you speak your feelings about it upfront now you're co dependent and want to be mothered..?

Trigger warning: complicated birth, mentions of karma and astrology interpretations that might only be grounded in pop astrology.

My friends baby was born yesterday (she doesnt have reddit, i do have permission) at 24 weeks, unexpected and almost died during birth.

I know that there are people that link scorpio moon babies to almost not making it or a parent that was incredibly manipulative/intense or being manipulated during pregnancy.

The thing is she has admitted to doing some people incredibly dirty just before she got pregnant. She manipulated them due to shame of admitting her own wrongdoings. She justified it because she wanted this baby for a very long time. So in her eyes getting pregnant was prove that she wasnt in the wrong. She bragged about it. And mocked the persons infertility.

She is scared this might be her karma. Would it be fair for me to tell her tiktok videos about these things are making her spiral? Or would that be lying to her?

Also can a chart even indicate those things. And if yes/no what does her baby's chart indicate about her behavior during pregnancy etc? Or how it would be towards her baby.

https://preview.redd.it/sypy87sgy5zg1.png?width=907&format=png&auto=webp&s=e41411ac278310af7100aed6600e9ff10db31de8

https://preview.redd.it/g3dhq63ky5zg1.png?width=906&format=png&auto=webp&s=e9e5535283b8eed425f454e4989a8db776d4e9c9

I dont really know how to start with explaining this cause i've known her for 12+ years and little by little the cracks started showing. But im just gonna give a few examples.

1. She is very popular but also like a extreme hoarder, not only in ''stuff'' but also just in hygiene in a sense. She almost never cleans, think cat feces regularly on the floor and things like that. When people come over to her house, she really watches closely who even sits in a way that would indicate they dont ''accept her living situation''. When she catches on she immediately starts cooking, giving you stuff, going to the store to steal stuff for others etc almost to compensate. When you dont want it she says youre rejecting her and her love language.

But then weeks later, she will be crying and complaining on how everyone uses her?

2. She gives a birthday party and asks me to make her a cake for free and in turn i can promote my business. Her party is at a nice venue but when its time to promote my cake she wants to do it in her house. I take her to the side and try to compromise by asking if i could clean the house first. She loudly announces how everyone her accepts her and wont mind. I still insist and after the party she accuses me of being jealous of her and stealing her shine. Not screaming or yelling but crying. When i tell her uhm.. sorry but youre a hoarder and it wasnt a good idea she calls me cold and everyone looks at me as if i dont accept my friend.

3. We owned a business together and had a villa sleepover/bootcamp with other business owners, some of them were millionaires. I told her pls lets not invite anyone that can ruin this for us or stress us out cause this is a good chance. One week before the sleepover thingy she lets her boyfriend whom she is in a toxic relationship with join our business. Then during the bootcamp they have a big screaming fit in front of all the others.

I try to step in and chill things out and she loudly screams she doesnt need a counselor. I'm shocked and go upstairs to sleep cause im literally raging. When i come back down she's set up a whole FEAST for them and is the ''sweet christian cooking host''. Mind you, none of them know that i know a 100% that all those ingredients etc are stolen. Every single one of them. Cause this is a pattern, remember example 1? Anyways. One of the big money people comes up to me and asks me why i'm sleeping with them in a room cause its bringing tension for them.

I brush it off cause i dont wanna snitch on her and explain he wasnt even invited at first i paid for my part of the room and she did for hers. He just joined. My friend later comes upstairs and leaves a note in which she apologizes for being a horrible friend.

3 days after the trip she speaks up ''for her inner child'' cause ''she thinks i showed her disrespect by leaving the note on the floor''.

4. She will invite people over for a week long sleep over at hers. After a day she starts complaining that they annoy her, she wants them to leave. They're overstaying, dirtying her house (?). But she only complains when she's alone with me. I bet she also does this with others but its always in isolation.

One day after i realized wait this is a pattern i tried to save my own ass. As usual she came to me, complaining about the other person that was also staying over. I looked at her and said; did you tell them to their face? She said no tomorrow. But i just dont want to be mean. I said well, if too much people is a thing for you, you should tell them. And to help you, i'll go home tomorrow morning so you don't have to feel mean by telling me.

The next morning i wake up, pack my bags and im tying my shoelaces. She comes up to me while the other guest is also there and says ''here, my house keys for the next couple of days''. I say ''im going home remember''. She says ''huh tf?''. I just look at her, pack my stuff and head for the door.

The other guest texts me when im home and asks me if they did something wrong that made me leave, cause i once said that if someone annoys me or i dont feel comfortable i'll just leave prematurely.

So...

These are a few examples, but eventually after this pattern kept going on and i kept standing my ground on my perception she eventually cut me off and started a smear campaign against me.

Am i tripping chat?

https://preview.redd.it/n4wmm95h98yg1.png?width=904&format=png&auto=webp&s=84540860249106338b7a8f69408fbc3cf05bcbdb

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https://preview.redd.it/ixio8fe2xyxg1.jpg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=127dcfdc5eedef0abdfedc75a4174774dd397ba3

I honestly want to do my own modeling for my brand, but i truly feel like i could work on my appearance and magnetism more. Am i even made to be in the spotlight a bit more?