u/Brief_Woodpecker_795

Last year was my golden birthday. I planned a hike got a vegan cake so my vegan friend could partake and invited 6 or 8 people. Everyone had plenty notice of the plans and it was on a day everyone had off. Well half the girls diddnt remember i guess no communication. Only one showed and ultimately i ended up removing all the others from my life or just shutting down in general. I dreamed of my golden birthday since i was a kid i had all the decor and party favors ready. It really broke me. Ive really shut down and isolated since then i have a few new friends i meet up for coffee with. Ive bassicly just ignored the fact that one said she was gonna come and then dissnt show no comminication and im extra hurt this year being her bridesmaid for her wedding 4 days before my birthday and knowing she will be on her honey moon on my birthday. Historically shes never come through on Prioritizing my birthday.

One of my new friends and i made plans and she suggested my birthday as the day of the week to meet not knowing it was my birthday. I invited 2 other new friends to join for the day too. Inside i just feel really sad and lonely knowing historically noones ever showed up for me for something that does mean something to me. I always want to celebrate and feel close to people and when noone shows up it reaffirms how small and lonely my circle really is.

I want to enjoy my birthday this year but i feel like imma say absolutely nothing and just give up. Last year was so heart breaking i cant get that back.

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Last year was my golden birthday. I planned a hike got a vegan cake so my vegan friend could partake and invited 6 or 8 people. Everyone had plenty notice of the plans and it was on a day everyone had off. Well half the girls diddnt remember i guess no communication. Only one showed and ultimately i ended up removing all the others from my life or just shutting down in general. I dreamed of my golden birthday since i was a kid i had all the decor and party favors ready. It really broke me. Ive really shut down and isolated since then i have a few new friends i meet up for coffee with. Ive bassicly just ignored the fact that one said she was gonna come and then dissnt show no comminication and im extra hurt this year being her bridesmaid for her wedding 4 days before my birthday and knowing she will be on her honey moon on my birthday. Historically shes never come through on Prioritizing my birthday.

One of my new friends and i made plans and she suggested my birthday as the day of the week to meet not knowing it was my birthday. I invited 2 other new friends to join for the day too. Inside i just feel really sad and lonely knowing historically noones ever showed up for me for something that does mean something to me. I always want to celebrate and feel close to people and when noone shows up it reaffirms how small and lonely my circle really is.

I want to enjoy my birthday this year but i feel like imma say absolutely nothing and just give up. Last year was so heart breaking i cant get that back.

my friend is getting married. I knew her in hs we arnt really as close as i thought when she made me her bridesmaid( the only one) im honored but i cant help but wonder why. I mean we hang out when we can i live farther away now. We dont really text. I never receive invites i just view pictures and posts of her friend groups on fb. I see this alot with old friends they have seperate friends ive never met i dont get reached out to first. I could honestly dissappear and it might take folks over a year to notice.

Life wasnt easy growing up i mean you dont get bpd by being loved and cared for and treated really well as a child typically. Ive made alot of mistakes. Ive been sober and healing for years now. But my early 20s was hard for everyone. Im happy now im slwoly making friends even if it takes years to find people.

I planned a bach party and pulled it off went eay overboard making it the best i could for this girl i really love her. But now returning home it feels like whiplash. My sadness and rejection sensitivity is spiking. I keep thinking of how i looked back and they kept talking and hugging in a group after i walked away and i just continued to leave like yea i know i wont ever see these people again ill go back to my small life and barly hear from people first. Its cool.

I only have my bf and he doesnt do much as a 3rd shifter. I have no family. I wish i had a relationship with my dad more but seeing my abusive mother is too much so its limited.

Im so happy for her and i put on a brave face and an act of being a nirmal happy person and i try to be normal but inside im dying. I have noone. I have absolutely noone. Noone would do the things i do to show love. Ive slowly givin up and cut contact with people over the years and they never even noticed i was gone. I wont commit suicide i promise i have cats to care for and id neved do that to my man. Hes all i got and it would crush him. But thr thoughts are still there. Just like they were when i was a teen trying to act on them. Im sorry for bridges burned im aorry for my actions in the past i diddnt have anything better to guide me.

Im changed now im changed

Im alone.

Every room has disinfectant wipes. I normally have some on my cart to help with poop or pencil marks. But i discovered i can spot clean anything on the ground with it by scrubbing it with my shoe. Throw it down, toe it around, bend down once. Saves time getting rhe mop bucket or hallway scrubber out for small or frequesnt sticky stuff.

Most of my career has been about learning how lazy i can truly get... jk jk

To say the least i started that job super happy and excited about being there. I had alot of chamges to my life and was deepyly into the things i was interested in as it was part of a personality chage, becoming sober for several years and gave me health like id never had before.

But i worked at a place where gossip was most peoples lives and between what was said behind my back and actually getting bullied in my face and hr contributing to how bad things were and refusing to help i lost that part of me i needed so bad. Lost my health. Lost my smile. Truly lost myself.

I got labs done recently after a year + away from that workplace and the labs reflect that while im in normal.function my body isnt handling stress well. Im bassicly always in fight or flight since working there.

It is distressing knowing that what was a normal week for them became lasting physical harm to my health.

Something i cared so much about before it got beat out of me

So long story short, my mother was really abusive growing up. She hasnt really changed she just doesnt have any control anymore. And I just don't have a relationship with her. My sister is no contact with her. But my mother is basically the caregiver for my dad at this point in his health.And it would also cause him stress if she was left out.But it would honestly ruin the event for myself if she was there in any way shape or form.

Anyone have the same kinda situation?