Arranged marriage: Am I overthinking or are these genuine red flags before engagement?
I'm a 28-year-old guy from India and my engagement is next week.
This is an arranged marriage setup. The girl was previously married and is now getting remarried through an arranged marriage setup. That doesn't bother me in itself, but I mention it because I wonder whether past experiences could also explain why she seems reserved or guarded.
We met once in person with our families. During that meeting, I felt like I was carrying the conversation. I was asking questions and she was mostly answering them. I didn't really feel any spark or excitement from her side.
Since then, our WhatsApp conversations have mostly been practical and very short:
"Ha"
"Ji"
"Theek hai"
"Contrast" (when I asked about outfit colours)
"Nhi chahiye" (when I offered to arrange a room for her to get ready at the venue)
She almost never initiates conversations herself.
Because of this, I've been worried that maybe she's just going through with the marriage because of family expectations rather than because she genuinely wants it.
However, there are also things that point in the opposite direction:
I asked her directly if this marriage was happening with her consent and she said yes.
My sister asked her the same question separately and she again said yes.
Her family also says she is happy with the match.
Her mother says she is naturally quiet and doesn't talk much.
She was apparently very excited about her engagement lehenga, got the blouse stitched immediately, and according to her mother kept trying the lehenga on multiple times because she was so happy with it.
She participates in wedding planning discussions when asked (venue, outfits, menu, etc.), but her responses are usually brief.
She did participate in some light-hearted conversations too, but she generally remains quite reserved.
My concern is that once the engagement happens, backing out later becomes much harder emotionally and socially for both families.
People who have been through arranged marriages:
Is this just how some introverted or reserved people behave during arranged marriage setups?
Could being previously married make someone more cautious, guarded or less expressive in the beginning?
Did anyone here marry someone who was very quiet initially but opened up later?
Or are my concerns valid and should I treat the lack of initiative and enthusiasm as a warning sign?
I'd appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who have experienced arranged marriages from either side.