u/BrilliantValuable151

I lost my father when I was little, and I moved out about 8 months ago from my mother. To put it shortly, she used me as her surrogate boyfriend while also being jealous of me my whole life. Im currently in therapy and my therapist has told me that this is a grieving process and I genuinely do feel like Im grieving my second parent and Im only 20. I keep beating myself up for not being over her by now and actually enjoying my freedom.

She messages me every week, constantly attempting to get me to contact her. Going from innocent messages to bitter lash outs less then 12 hours later when I dont respond. I officially ghosted her since 3 months ago around my birthday, only messaging her about needed things like throwing away mail she got since I changed my address and I grey rocked her. Never responded to any of her emotional bait. Im trying to be proud of myself but its so hard. Shes resorted to emailing me, texting my boyfriend, my best friend, my father's side of the family, threatening to call a wellness check on me. She doesnt even know my address so I know that wouldnt have been possible but I hate how she managed to instill this fear in me.

Im just super emotional right now because she really dug into the bait this time. I archived and muted her messages, which hurt but its a step closer to blocking her. She went on about how Im "emotionally abusing" her abd she wont "take this from me anymore." Like, if you truly believe that then why do you want to contact me so bad??? It genuinely makes me so disgusted how she texts me as if Im an ex instead of her daughter, and then I get disgusted at myself for how I feel. Sorry if this post is messy, Ive been crying for the past hour. Im trying so hard to move on and I wish it wasnt so painful. I keep reading that goint no contact made so many other peoples lives so much better and I really want that to be true for me too.

Im currently 20F. Ive been seeing my therapist since April. In my first session, I told her that I felt frustrated with my previous therapist, as she wasnt into talking about what happened to me and it felt a lot more detached. I had a therapist I really liked before the last one, but I unfortunately had to change due to insurance. But even with her we stopped continuing through a timeline, I guess since I was too activated. Regardless, my current one suggested doing a timeline but in a different way first.

Where we made one or two word cues for certain years of my life and she repeats them, and notes how Im feeling after each rep. I believe to help deactivate me to the thought of them. We did this for about 4-5 sessions and It was honestly hell, she warned me I may feel negative emotions come up in between sessions but I really didn't expect it that badly. I continued because I did see improvement and she asked me to give it a chance at least.

So anyway we took a break and for about two sessions we talked about more present topics, and then she suggested I may be ready to go biweekly, which I felt was just not true at all. I mean, I still havent even vented properly about my past. I said no and asked when if we would be able to talk about my mom. She said yes absolutely, and that she wanted to give me the space to decide what Id want to talk about. So last session I brought up something my mom emailed me that activated me, we went over it a bit, and we went back to the timeline, I started feeling more neutral about it at the end.

And then after, she stated that shes not formally able to screen but that she suspected that I may have neurodivergence. I already stated I have ADHD previously, so I said yeah I know, but she suggested it sounds more like Autism. Not enough for her to refer me for assessment but if she felt it was something seriously impacting me she would and she just wanted to let me know. She said something along the lines of "I feel we've done most of the trauma work, and a lot of the issues I feel youre presenting may be more attributed to neurodivergence." I do not feel like I have autism tbh, and Ive suggested it to a previous therapist, and she said that my PTSD + ADHD can mimick those symptoms and she felt I didnt have it.

Ever since Ive been kind of confused. Especially the comment about most of the trauma work being done. I haven't even talked about much of my past to her? I actually feel I was able to heal from what I talked about with my first therapist before we stopped, and I wanted to continue and this is the second therapist since that I kind of feel like discourages talking about it. Should I consider looking for a new one at this point? Its hard not to get so frustrated.

Offering donation based 3 card readings. Aside from the obvious of no death, health, legal, etc topics, Im open to doing readings on anything else. Just send me a DM. Ive been reading tarot for over 5 years and try to write at least 1-2 paragraphs per card for my readings.