u/BrownTinaBelcher

My husband might get asked by his company to go to Shanghai for a few years. We are Americans currently living in Mexico for his job. Just wondering about daily life in Shanghai for families with kids under 10. His company would cover rent and school costs. But what should we know about school options, grocery shopping, hiring a cleaner, driving, and things like that? In Mexico, it’s (sadly) common to hire services for cheap. Like people have housekeepers, nannies, and drivers because it’s cheap. We don’t have that but do like having a weekly cleaner and other service conveniences. What can we expect in China? Open to hearing any advice and recommendations including what we should make sure his company pays for. Like I know schools are very expensive. Thank you!

I need to vent and I hope this is where my people are who will understand. So they have 2 daughters and after an accident, in which the older one accidentally hurt the younger one, they decide to leave the older one writhing in anxiety and guilt while the younger one is lonely and lost. Then they fuck off and die in the ocean.
Yes, moms, I’m talking about Frozen. My 3 year old daughter loves the “build a snowman” song and sings it so cutely in her little toddler voice (she hasn’t seen the movie yet). But watching the same video over and over and over again made me think more about what’s going on. And since I’m emotional about random shit before my period, I’m suddenly so sad for both Anna and Elsa. Both girls had a terrible childhood and those parents suck. My toddler sings the “okay bye” part too when Elsa tells Anna to go away and it’s so sad. Anyone else with me? No? I’m just being nutty? Okay, bye 🫠

So I’m a late in life diagnosed woman (it’s only been a year and I’m almost 40). The diagnosis helped explain a lot but also led to a lot of grief over missed and torpedoed opportunities.

I’m American but living abroad in a Latin country for my husband’s job. We’ve been here a few years and I still can’t speak Spanish. I took it in high school and I think it’s an easy language to pick up but somehow this time around at my age, I can’t focus and I can’t seem to pick it up.

I am on medication and have been going through trial and error in trying many medications. It’s really embarrassing that I haven’t learned more Spanish but life with young kids in a different country is very hard. I’m trying my best to juggle everything including my physical and mental health. I just don’t have the bandwidth / patience / focus to take lessons and learn a language.

I tried for the first year to do regular lessons and it was hard to fit in the lessons and harder to remember things in between. I also feel very self conscious and embarrassed trying to speak Spanish when I can’t put together a proper sentence. I hate hate hate being put on the spot.

I get by with broken phrases and use my translator. Somehow it’s not embarrassing when it’s someone who doesn’t speak English and I have to communicate. I feel super embarrassed trying to speak Spanish with someone who knows English because I feel very judged. I can’t help the feeling. I’ve tried to push myself to overcome but I’ve just become resentful and angry at myself.

And I’ve gotten a few comments from some mean spirited women that I’ve been here too long to not speak the language (those women speak both English and Spanish). Everyone else has been lovely and understanding. I already speak 2 languages but i learned both at home as a child. I don’t want to share my diagnosis so I just die inside from being judged. Even typing this out is making my face very hot and I’m about to cry.

I would love to find the focus to learn the language. I want to get rid of the resentment I’ve developed of my lack of abilities on this area. I’m so annoyed and angry at myself for failing at this. I despise the look of surprise I get when someone questions me about my Spanish skills and feels like I should be further along.

I’m a smart person and I try really hard in life and I’m exhausted from all this effort leading to me meeting bare minimum standards. Anyone else been here? Any advice for me? You don’t have to be kind. I can take harsh constructive criticism. I feel like this one area of my life right now is the perfect example of an ADHD problem. It’s the perfect storm of not being able to get myself to do what I need to. The enthusiasm I had to learn the language has been killed off so this task is now just dread. I can’t explain to anyone why I’m struggling so hard. I understand some Spanish and do well in writing and reading thanks to my translator. But I freeze in speaking and I can’t overcome it.

My partner’s company could move us to Shanghai (we’re Americans with no connection to China). The benefits would be great financially but I’m wondering if it’s worth living in. Anyone have experience or advice to share? What is the expat bubble like there? What is education for young kids like? Healthcare?

How do you handle fairness between siblings? Mine are 7 (boy) and 3 (girl). Up to now it’s been easy to give them different things but now we’re getting to a stage where they both want what the other is getting (attention, treats, activities). Like for birthdays, how do you make sure both feel like they got the same as their sibling even though it’s obviously different (different gifts, different type of party)? Even in pushing elevator buttons, they are competing because both want to push them. Give me all your philosophies and tips and tricks and advice and warnings! Thank you!