u/Bubbly-Appearance558

My husband was physically abusive to me several times. I got PTSD and we separated for a while. We got back together almost 3 months ago and things have been mostly ok but still a little rocky. At least he stopped physically abusing me.

My dad died and his funeral is coming up. My husband and I will be staying with my mom. I was on the phone with my mom and she made comments implying she knew what happened between us and my husband almost heard. I called my mom later to tell her he doesn’t know I told anyone. She said it’s his fault he shouldn’t have done it, and I’m protecting him from being embarrassed but he should be embarrassed. She also said everyone makes mistakes and does stupid things.

I’m very worried that my mom is going to tell my husband that she knows and it’s really one more thing I can’t deal with right now. I don’t know what to do.

My dad died last week. I spent most of my evening writing the obituary and designing the funeral card. They are due tomorrow morning and I was coordinating over text message with my siblings. There must have been at least 200 texts exchanged yesterday, plus I was trying to write a poem, writing the obituary, and arguing with my sister over it. My husband knew what I was doing but I guess he didn’t know I was still working on it. He tried to talk to me a few times while I was in the middle of it and I was short with him. He said what’s with you today, every time I try to talk to you you’re short with me, or pretend you don’t hear me. I told him what I’ve been busy with. I probably had an annoyed tone with my response and he says I snapped at him.

I feel hurt that he is acting this way while I’m in the middle of doing something so hard and emotional. He says it wasn’t about me not paying attention but he felt I was being disrespectful.

I don’t think I snapped at him but I was definitely short with him and very preoccupied. He says no matter what I have going on in my life it doesn’t give me the right to treat him like that. He expects me to put down my phone and give him full attention.

Last week on the evening my dad died, he was mad at me for something that happened before he died, and he left me home alone the entire evening and next morning. He stayed mad and he couldn’t let it go and be there for me, knowing I have no one else in town. I was grieving and completely alone and just wanted him there with me. He has since apologized but only after I got AI to explain to him that he was wrong for that.

He went to bed angry again tonight and I’ve been up all night thinking about this. The lack of empathy he’s showing scares me. I’m seriously considering leaving him for this. I’m pregnant and can’t make this decision lightly.

My dad died last week. I’ve spent most of my evening writing the obituary and designing the funeral card. They are due tomorrow morning and I’m coordinating over text message with my siblings. There must have been at least 200 texts exchanged, plus I was trying to write a poem, writing the obituary, and arguing with my sister over it. My husband knew what I was doing but I guess he didn’t know I was still working on it. He tried to talk to me a few times while I was in the middle of it and I was short with him. He said what’s with you today, every time I try to talk to you you’re short with me, or pretend you don’t hear me. I told him what I’ve been busy with. I probably had an annoyed tone with my response and he says I snapped at him.

I feel hurt that he is acting this way while I’m in the middle of doing something so hard and emotional. He says it wasn’t about me not paying attention but he felt I was being disrespectful.

Is it possible I did something wrong here ?? I don’t think I snapped at him but I was definitely short with him and very preoccupied. He says no matter what I have going on in my life it doesn’t give me the right to treat him like that. He expects me to put down my phone and give him full attention.

I really don’t want this to be over. I’m really confused and trying to figure out what happened and if I said something I shouldn’t have, if I have any part in this or if he’s the one in the wrong. We’ve been together for 14 years and I’m pregnant with our first child. Something happened this week that really shook me.

I did my taxes and was crying at how little money I made this year. It’s the lowest I’ve made since I was a teenager. I usually make around $140–150k CAD, and this year it was closer to $40k. My husband said he was happy that I didn’t make that much more than him like I usually do. He only made about $15k (he’s on disability, not including those payments).

I just got a new job at a startup. It feels promising and I get shares, so my income is tied to how successful the company is. We were walking to the grocery store, holding hands, and I was telling him how stressed I’ve been, but also that I feel hopeful. I said I believe in the founder, that he’s really good at networking and making things happen, and that I think I could make a lot of money. I also said that everyone is always impressed by him, I had just seen that in a meeting the day before with the bank.

The second I said that, my husband pulled his hand away and his whole demeanour changed. At the grocery store he separated from me. I ended up doing my shopping alone, and he texted me to say he’d be at the restaurant we had planned to go to after. When I met him there, he was quiet and barely spoke to me. I asked if something was wrong and he denied it.

Then the next day, he didn’t speak to me at all.
We usually spend our days together working from coffee shops. That day he left the house in the morning without saying anything, didn’t call or text all day, and came home late in a good mood acting like everything was completely normal.

I had been crying all day and didn’t sleep. When I asked him about it, he kept insisting nothing was wrong and said he was just tired. I started questioning myself, wondering if I imagined it or made it into something bigger than it was. But I knew he was upset. I could feel it. At one point I was seriously considering leaving him.

Yesterday he admitted he had been upset, but the main reason was something else. On the walk to the grocery store, when I was stressing about money, I had said maybe I should go to law school and that “we would never have to worry about money again.” He said that’s what triggered him, because when I said “we” he felt like I was implying he will never be able to provide. That honestly wasn’t my intention at all. I was thinking about us as partners and our household income. He also said that me talking positively about my boss added to it, and that as a man he doesn’t want to hear me talk about other men like that.

Some people said it’s abuse because he used the silent treatment to control and manipulate me. But he said he felt triggered and ashamed and didn’t know how to express it.

He apologized and said he didn’t think it was a big deal, that he just needed space. Now he’s being really nice. He bought my favourite foods, being very attentive, and saying he feels really bad about how this affected me. But I still don’t feel okay. My nervous system feels completely fried.

So now I’m trying to understand if this was a natural reaction for a man to have. Did I say something wrong? Is he completely in the wrong?

Everyone is telling me he’s completely in the wrong and to leave him for this. I don’t want to leave him, especially being pregnant. I want to be able to forgive him. But I also don’t feel okay.

This is not the first time he has done something like this. Last year I had to stop working on my business because he was so jealous of my male cofounder it was causing issues. There has also been a history of abuse that we tried to work through. I thought that was in the past but this seems like it might be a continuation of it.

I’m trying to figure out if I’m overreacting or if this is something I should be taking more seriously.

For context, my husband has been physically abusive in the past. He’s promised to stop, and things have been better in that regard, especially since I’ve been pregnant. Lately he’s actually been trying to be nicer to me. But something happened this week that really shook me.

I did my taxes and was crying at how little money I made this year. It’s the lowest I’ve made since I was a teenager. I usually make around $140–150k CAD, and this year it was closer to $40k. My husband said he was happy that I didn’t make that much more than him like I usually do. He only made about $15k (he’s on disability, not including those payments).

I just got a new job at a startup. It feels promising and I get shares, so my income is tied to how successful the company is. We were walking to the grocery store, holding hands, and I was telling him how stressed I’ve been, but also that I feel hopeful. I said I believe in the founder, that he’s really good at networking and making things happen, and that I think I could make a lot of money. I also said that everyone is always impressed by him, I had just seen that in a meeting the day before with the bank.

The second I said that, my husband pulled his hand away and his whole demeanour changed.
At the grocery store he separated from me. I ended up doing my shopping alone, and he texted me to say he’d be at the restaurant we had planned to go to after. When I met him there, he was quiet and barely spoke to me. I asked if something was wrong and he denied it.

Then the next day, he didn’t speak to me at all.
We usually spend our days together working from coffee shops. That day he left the house in the morning without saying anything, didn’t call or text all day, and came home late in a good mood acting like everything was completely normal.

I had been crying all day and didn’t sleep. When I asked him about it, he kept insisting nothing was wrong and said he was just tired. I started questioning myself, wondering if I imagined it or made it into something bigger than it was. But I knew he was upset. I could feel it. At one point I was seriously considering leaving him. I called a DV shelter just to talk to someone and started thinking about finding a place to stay.

Today he admitted he had been upset, but the main reason was something else. On the walk to the grocery store, when I was stressing about money, I had said maybe I should go to law school and that “we would never have to worry about money again.” He said that’s what triggered him, because when I said “we” he felt like I was implying he will never be able to provide. That honestly wasn’t my intention at all. I was thinking about us as partners and our household income. He also said that me talking positively about my boss added to it, and that as a man he doesn’t want to hear me talk about other men like that.

Some people said it’s abuse because he used the silent treatment to control and manipulate me. But he said he felt triggered and ashamed and didn’t know how to express it.

He apologized and said he didn’t think it was a big deal, that he just needed space. Now he’s being really nice. He bought my favourite foods, being very attentive, and saying he feels really bad about how this affected me. But I still don’t feel okay. My nervous system feels completely fried.

This also isn’t the first time his jealousy has affected my life. In the past he’s gotten jealous of my male colleagues to the point where it impacted my career. I had to stop working on my business last year because he was so jealous of my male cofounder that it caused too many problems.

So now I’m trying to understand what this actually is. Is this emotional abuse? Is it “that bad,” or something we can work through? Does it matter if he didn’t intend to manipulate me if I ended up feeling like this?

I don’t want to leave him, especially being pregnant. I want to be able to forgive him. But I also don’t feel okay.

My husband gets extremely jealous of my professional relationships with other men. It has had a negative impact on my career. I had to stop my last business venture because it got to the point where I felt like I had to choose between my husband and my business partner.

I think it’s happening again. I got a new job at a startup where I will own shares in the company. Finances are very tight right now and I’ve been stressing. I said that I really believe in the boss, he’s the kind of person who can get things done, he’s good with networking and people are always impressed by him.

We were walking to the grocery store and holding hands. He immediately let my hand go and his demeanor changed. He left me alone at the grocery store and waited for me at a restaurant we planned to go to after. Now he’s not talking to me but insists nothing is wrong.

I don’t know if this is normal or if it’s a sign of something worse.

We recently reunited after a separation and there were some serious control issues there. But I thought things were better now.

My dad SA’d me from when I was a baby until around 3 years old when he got caught. I don’t really remember him doing it but there have been long term impacts that follow me to today. He never physically abused me, that was all my mom. I watched him regularly beat my sister, who is his step daughter. He would hit my mom and strangle her. He neglected us and didn’t have any respect for any of us.

Now he’s dying and I forgave him for everything and I feel so much love for him and I have so many regrets. I wish I could go back and make more effort, and teach him how to be a good father.

I feel like I do the same thing in my current relationship with my husband. I always think if I try a little harder I can fix him and he will stop abusing me. He stopped physically hurting me but the emotional and psychological abuse is so painful.

I’m almost 6 weeks pregnant with my first after multiple losses. We told her last weekend and she asked me if I’ve had morning sickness yet. I have not. She texted me mid week to ask me again if I have morning sickness yet. I said no. Yesterday she asked me again and I said no. She asked if I’m sure I’m pregnant, because when she was pregnant, she was sick the entire time.

I started to get worried something is wrong with the baby. But it’s still so early and there’s still lots of time for me to get sick. But I don’t have my first scan until 11 weeks.

She made two quiches - 1 spinach and 1 salmon. She was giving me a huge slice of both. I said I will just take the salmon. She said I need the spinach too because vegetables are good for the baby. I have a feeling she’s going to be super controlling about what I eat.

During the last pregnancy he was constantly comparing my body to hers and telling me how she was soooo skinny and weighed 80 lbs before getting pregnant. And she barely had a bump because everything was soooo tight!! I’m not looking forward to those comments.

I feel like I have to be careful what I say to her and appease her. I told her that my husband hit me and shoved me a few times. If he found out I told her, he would get really mad at me and I’m scared of that happening. I keep thinking she might tell him if she gets angry at me. I don’t know if she would but it feels like she has something over me, I have to keep her happy and I can’t stick up for myself.

Edit: I don’t know why my comments are not showing up. I left him once and we were separated for 4 months. We just got back together 2 months ago and he has been good since then. He knows if he hurts me again I will leave him. I don’t think he will hurt me again but I left once and I can do it again.