u/Buckle_up_Buttercup-

Parental outbursts before any big major accomplishment. I need insights please.

As many people on this group, I (eldest daughter) had parents who provided well, hell sometimes there were even short blurbs of happy times.

My dad had/has a drinking problem due to PTSD from the war and his drinking was bad especially from age 8 - 18.

My mom doesn't drink but gave my dad the silent treatment along with me. There were times she would sent me into the bar with "go get your father".

My younger sister was born sickly and it ended up being epilepsy - no one ever explained that to me, or sat me down. It was usually "your sister is in hospital" with either my parents fighting or consoling each other. But I had no one, times when my sister was in bad shape I was really scared and no one held/explained to me what was going on.

My sister and I do not have a good relationship, although I wish I was "nicer" to her as the older sister. I was not only confused about her, but she also had these massive emotional outbursts most likely due to the epilepsy.

My dad would also get drunk before most important things for me - like school prize giving or many things that matter to me. He once drove severely drunk with us (including a friend) to a concert and I was really scared (even the friend asked me if my dad was okay to drive, which he wasn't, and I was so embarrassed I said to the friend "of course", pretending to be annoyed with such a silly question). At the show my dad scolded me for not being "fun" like the other kids. My mom was away that weekend that's how he got away with this. This is just one example of many.

I feel like my mom was my first bully. If I had feelings she made it about her and I've never been able to open up. I feel physically sick when I have to.

Pre my early 20s I feel I was a avoidant, until I fell in love for the first time at 19 when I was working overseas. I went to get away from them. Looking back, I most definitely have an anxious attachment style but mostly in romantic relationships. They have also all been toxic .. mostly with unavailable men. Shocker - i know.

I developed a drinking problem, part as it was fun and I wanted to rebel and "fuck the patriarchy", part ADHD and part to connect with my dad.

I booked myself into rehab at 32 (my parents don't even know) and have been sober for 15 months. I'm also the recipient of an international scholarship. I've had minimal contact with my parents since last year after my sister had a near death accident. For some reason that accident made me feel like I was 9 years old again. I'm 33.

Can anyone tell me what to do before I leave on this scholarship? How do I fix things even though I honestly don't want to.

Please let me with some insights. I leave in two months and I'll have to see them before I go as I won't be able to forgive myself should something happen and I'm overseas.

Basically the title - e.g. after indulging in casual sex to scratch the itch many people feel low. If you have breadcrumbed or have that pattern and gotten the validation, does it make you feel good or does it make you feel bad ? I'd really love to know some thoughts.

As many people on this group, I (eldest daughter) had parents who provided well, hell sometimes there were even short blurbs of happy times.

My dad had/has a drinking problem due to PTSD from the war and his drinking was bad especially from age 8 - 18.

My mom doesn't drink but gave my dad the silent treatment along with me. There were times she would sent me into the bar with "go get your father".

My younger sister was born sickly and it ended up being epilepsy - no one ever explained that to me, or sat me down. It was usually "your sister is in hospital" with either my parents fighting or consoling each other. But I had no one, times when my sister was in bad shape I was really scared and no one held/explained to me what was going on.

My sister and I do not have a good relationship, although I wish I was "nicer" to her as the older sister. I was not only confused about her, but she also had these massive emotional outbursts most likely due to the epilepsy.

My dad would also get drunk before most important things for me - like school prize giving or many things that matter to me. He once drove severely drunk with us (including a friend) to a concert and I was really scared (even the friend asked me if my dad was okay to drive, which he wasn't, and I was so embarrassed I said to the friend "of course", pretending to be annoyed with such a silly question). At the show my dad scolded me for not being "fun" like the other kids. My mom was away that weekend that's how he got away with this. This is just one example of many.

I feel like my mom was my first bully. If I had feelings she made it about her and I've never been able to open up. I feel physically sick when I have to.

Pre my early 20s I feel I was a avoidant, until I fell in love for the first time at 19 when I was working overseas. I went to get away from them. Looking back, I most definitely have an anxious attachment style but mostly in romantic relationships. They have also all been toxic .. mostly with unavailable men. Shocker - i know.

I developed a drinking problem, part as it was fun and I wanted to rebel and "fuck the patriarchy", part ADHD and part to connect with my dad.

I booked myself into rehab at 32 (my parents don't even know) and have been sober for 15 months. I'm also the recipient of an international scholarship. I've had minimal contact with my parents since last year after my sister had a near death accident. For some reason that accident made me feel like I was 9 years old again. I'm 33.

Can anyone tell me what to do before I leave on this scholarship? How do I fix things even though I honestly don't want to.

Please let me with some insights. I leave in two months and I'll have to see them before I go as I won't be able to forgive myself should something happen and I'm overseas.

As many people on this group, I (eldest daughter) had parents who provided well, hell sometimes there were even short blurbs of happy times.

My dad had/has a drinking problem due to PTSD from the war and his drinking was bad especially from age 8 - 18.

My mom doesn't drink but gave my dad the silent treatment along with me. There were times she would sent me into the bar with "go get your father".

My younger sister was born sickly and it ended up being epilepsy - no one ever explained that to me, or sat me down. It was usually "your sister is in hospital" with either my parents fighting or consoling each other. But I had no one, times when my sister was in bad shape I was really scared and no one held/explained to me what was going on.

My sister and I do not have a good relationship, although I wish I was "nicer" to her as the older sister. I was not only confused about her, but she also had these massive emotional outbursts most likely due to the epilepsy.

My dad would also get drunk before most important things for me - like school prize giving or many things that matter to me. He once drove severely drunk with us (including a friend) to a concert and I was really scared (even the friend asked me if my dad was okay to drive, which he wasn't, and I was so embarrassed I said to the friend "of course", pretending to be annoyed with such a silly question). At the show my dad scolded me for not being "fun" like the other kids. My mom was away that weekend that's how he got away with this. This is just one example of many.

I feel like my mom was my first bully. If I had feelings she made it about her and I've never been able to open up. I feel physically sick when I have to.

Pre my early 20s I feel I was a avoidant, until I fell in love for the first time at 19 when I was working overseas. I went to get away from them. Looking back, I most definitely have an anxious attachment style but mostly in romantic relationships. They have also all been toxic .. mostly with unavailable men. Shocker - i know.

I developed a drinking problem, part as it was fun and I wanted to rebel and "fuck the patriarchy", part ADHD and part to connect with my dad.

I booked myself into rehab at 32 (my parents don't even know) and have been sober for 15 months. I'm also the recipient of an international scholarship. I've had minimal contact with my parents since last year after my sister had a near death accident. For some reason that accident made me feel like I was 9 years old again. I'm 33.

Can anyone tell me what to do before I leave on this scholarship? How do I fix things even though I honestly don't want to.

Please let me with some insights. I leave in two months and I'll have to see them before I go as I won't be able to forgive myself should something happen and I'm overseas.

Hi everyone - as Mandela Day is approaching on 18 July, I was wondering if you could direct me to corporates who have programmes to support NPOs. I know for example PEP has their Corporate Social Investment programme but would like to know if there are others?

If you know of some please comment them below🙏

Hi all, I need some tax advice. I was retrenched in Dec 2025 and tax was paid on my retrenchment package etc.

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I have my medical aid tax certificate and HR sent me the IRP5-26.

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My question is would it be advisable to get someone to "do" my taxes ? Before the retrenchment I did the SARS automated option. I don't want to spend unnecessary money as I don't have a job yet and my UIF credits are done but I don't want to mess up either.

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Any advice will be much appreciated.

Last year at 32, I had my AMH tested and it came back at 0.19 ng/ml (1.36 pmol/L). I had my eggs frozen just after my 33rd birthday. Initially, he said we might get 4 eggs but then with my response to the medication, he said 2, and he was right. 7 eggs were retrieved and only 2 could be frozen.

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Fast forward to last week, I asked my gynae to test my FSH levels so we can have a bit more data menopause/perimenopause going forward. I tested a couple of days after my period. She called today and said it's at 25 and she wasn't expecting a high number like that.

With my ultrasound last week, she mentioned that I am producing estrogen.

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At the moment my period has been consistent since taking out my IUD (last year Feb when I got the AMH test). She said she wasn't going to test my AMH again as there is nothing I can do and I shouldn't panic myself.

I'm also leaving my home country to become an international student soon.

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So, I'm not anywhere near children. I've joined this sub but I am a bit scared. I don't have PCOS or Endo and they haven't diagnosed me with DOR just yet, but from my results it doesn't look to good. I'll go test my FSH levels again in two months but I doubt it will make much of a difference.

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I also cannot go for another egg freezing round as I'm retrenched and have been out of work taking a break until the scholarship starts - total time out of work will be 9 months so there isn't more money for more egg freezing.

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Any advice, words of wisdom on the road ahead?