u/BuddyNo1831

So I’ve shared this story elsewhere months ago but thought I’d share it here as well after reading a bunch of posts of users tempted to contact their ex.

“I only hit her up to make sure she’s alive and okay. That’s already my mistake for caring too much. She’s starts telling me all these things over the phone that I believe any ex would think would believe there’s an interest. She says to me things like “I drove by your house to see if you were still there but I didn’t see your car” I told her I don’t have the same ride anymore. I then told her I contacted her to make sures she’s okay. To let her know that I’ve always cared about her safety because honestly if something did happen to her. Who would tell me? I told her as well that even though I’m non religious I’ve always prayed for her & her family’s safety. That if I ever saw them at my job I be in shambles. I also told her that I heard her dog passed away I was sad when I found out I use to see that dog everyday he even still recognize me after 2 years of being broken up. She immediately changes the subject saying “yeah…I got a cat now tho”. Then she asks when am I going to see you? I miss you so much. I said whenever you want I’ll always make time for you. She says okay let’s grab dinner tomorrow after I get off work I said bet. She tells me I’m so excited. Then we both said goodnight. Less than a minute later she texts me I was going to wait to respond. Then she FaceTimes me she goes “where’s my Isiah I miss my Isiah”. Then we FaceTimed for like 3 minutes then she says hey you want to come over and spend the night ?” I said yeah that sounds nice just let me get showered and I’ll be there just text the address she says okay! As I’m getting showered I get multiple texts then I get out to read them. She said something like my love It’s pouring I don’t want you to get hurt. So we agreed to just stick to dinner.

We meet up for dinner the next night and she gives me a big hug. At some point during dinner she says you owe me a Disneyland date (we have always wanted to go there over the years). she still keeps going with things that would hype anyone up during our dinner. She did say however she’s been recently broke up that she’s too scared of dating. However she keeps going and at one point says she deleted our stuff a while ago but went to go look for them. I was confused. She even said she kept a romantic drawing I made of us together and a necklace a heart with her birthstone. She even asks what did I keep and to look at our stuff together. I told her I still have most of our pics/vids.

So before the night ended we go to my car to look at our old stuff. A few pictures and videos she would look at for longer periods but the others would swipe through. She would say things like look at that awww look at how cute we are, oops there’s you eating me out, oh I remember that, ooh send me this one, she would say shit like that. After all that tho I drop her off to her car and she gives me this long hug and tells me besties. I was so confused but mostly disappointed.

2 days later on after a mild argument I asked her why did she even want to look at our stuff together ? Her response was she just wanted to see what I kept. I didn’t know what to say at first. I even told her about how I miss all the activities we would do with her kids. How I felt like a father and still love/care about those kids. She told me you’re talking about things that happened so long ago. That statement made me feel like all those times together with her or her & kids never happened. That they’re all meaningless. I told her you tell me all this stuff over the years but don’t do anything to back it up. I asked her about how she she called me the previous year saying I’m still in love with you let’s try again. She ended up ghosting me. Then I asked did she even mean it when she would call me saying these things her response was “maybe at the time”. That it fucking sucked being ghosted and then only to deny she ever said that the previous year.
I told her as well how last year she told me she would still have my kids & marry me. She immediately says I would still marry you. Even after i told her how the things she done hurts me I never once heard I’m sorry not even a flinch of remorse. I don’t recall what else was said. She told me we’ll talk another day I just wished her a safe trip.

Two weeks later she calls me asked me what am I up to then saying she was driving by my house. I asked her did you want to see me or something ? Like why are you calling ? She then laughs and says no I just wanted to check on you. We both said goodnight. I honestly felt like things were never going to change that she’ll always disrespect me. So I texted her the following morning asking for closure, then saying all the things we’ve been through all the things I’ve done for you I don’t deserve “maybe at the time”
I told her it’s fucked up to just look at our stuff together and leave me hanging. I didn’t keep them for no reason they mean something to me they’re memories of someone I love and care dearly. They’re not collectibles like funkos, baseball cards or shit like that. I laugh I cry I get happy I get angry they’re emotional to me. You’re the one that says all the stuff over the years, but do nothing. You’re the one that went looking for our stuff only to remember that you deleted them. I also said I don’t deserve let’s go to Disneyland only to change your mind we have always talked about going there together as lovers. I don’t deserve being told I would still marry you & have your children but yet keep rejecting me.
I don’t deserve that shit I told her. No response.

I honestly don’t understand why even tell me you kept a few items from an ex (me) if they mean absolutely nothing to her? Why stir up those emotions by looking at our stuff together. Who knows if she actually looked for our stuff or kept those items. At this point her words are worthless. Why tell me all these stupid things but never deliver on them. It is my fault for believing her words all because I loved her.
I should have known better it’s not the first time she’s let me down by leaving me hanging. If she truly wanted to be friends why not tell me that from the start when I called her. She could have easily told me she’s been seeing someone and would like to remain friends with me. I would have respected that to the max. Instead she insisted on telling me all this other bullshit behind another dudes back. Treating us both like options. So many better ways to handle things instead she always chooses the worst.

Oh yeah i forgot one part
She told me on our dinner about some dude.
She said he was a friend and that she was going to his place after our dinner
I didn’t think much of it even tho I should of
2 days later I call her to check on her and she’s at his house again hungover and I was like wtf were yall doing ? And she says huh? Then says she’s laying down
I’m like alright I know what that means I’ll let you be
She just scoffs at me and tells me I’m tripping
Anyways later on she tells me he’s a family man has a wife

But then I find out that was a lie
Because the same dude she posted turns out to be this dude her supposed friend buying her flowers and taking her to Disney on her snap.
Which she also lied to me about saying she only has TikTok. It’s weird to fucking lie about all these things.
That’s when I texted her calling her bullshit out. That she lies to me, that she leads me on, that she has no care whatsoever for my emotions, how she’s hypocritical about dudes hurting her, but does the same shit to me or others.”

I wrote this freshly after everything happened. Now, In retrospect I could have handled things much better I did let my emotions get to me and think irrationally. However I don’t regret my reaction. I had every right to let out 5 years of pain like a water breaking through the dam it all starting coming out. It’s fucked up to lead someone like this to talk a big game and do nothing to back it up. You don’t tell someone that they have a special place in their heart only to treat you like a convenience. You don’t treat someone like an option like outfits you can’t decide on. It makes me doubt to this very day if she was ever in love with me or just in love with the things I’ve done for her. I realize it’s so easy for her to move on because she’s already had it planned. I was just a role player I was just another spoke on the wheel. She’s dated others after me & tried to come back to me. It wasn’t because she was still in love with me as she said. It was because she knew my dumbass would still be there that I’m her safety blanket. I also don’t regret it because I got the answers I needed just not in form we all wished for. In reality even if she did respond she would still take no accountability. I take full responsibility for tolerating the disrespect from her from over the years. I’ll own up to that. I was also disrespecting myself. My unconditional love for her let her take advantage of that. She knew what she was doing the whole time.

So I warn others with my story I know exactly how you’re feeling still in love & yearning for them. They simply don’t give a shit. Save yourself the heartache and don’t do it.

Initially when she lead me on again & chose someone else over me I was heartbroken I was furious. I don’t regret calling her out whatsoever after years of letting being ghosted and lead on. No one deserves that shit. I know I did overreact & could have handled it better, but I still don’t regret for standing up for myself finally having enough of her shit. I got the answers I needed, just not in the form we all hope for. Let’s be honest tho they probably would make up some bullshit answers that makes them take no accountability just more of a “whoopsie”.

I can’t help but think life’s too short. I don’t hold a grudge against her, but I just can’t see myself talking at all to her tho. I know she’ll never apologize she never takes accountability for the things she’s done. Her reaction is more “my bad” shoulder shrug. There is so much history tho 5 years of history. It doesn’t just evaporate. I use to help take care of her kids we even planned on having our own. From the cherishing sentimental memories to the learning from mistakes & the painful memories as well. That will always be a part of me.

It’s been 6 months since we last spoke and I can’t even reach out if I wanted to because she changed her number im somewhat okay with it. There’s still days where she’s heavy on my mind & those emotions come back. I just remind myself however of how she truly feels about me, and use that to extinguish those remaining feelings. Then there’s days where she’s not on my mind at all. I still care of course I wish her nothing but the best in life. Part of me forgives me, part of me doesn’t. I was raised catholic & even tho I no longer have those beliefs one thing I was taught was the power of forgiveness. I do forgive her somewhat. I definitely don’t hate her, I would never carry a vendetta. I know I’m not fully healed so that’s why I have that conflict. However as much as I do forgive her, just like I said before I can’t fuck with someone does that shit to me ever again. Yeah I would love to be friends & reconcile. I’ll never put up with that disrespect of so many wrongdoings. We all need to protect our hearts.

Has anyone else on here been able to forgive them? Is it even possible?

It’s been 5 months since we last spoke on the phone. It feels weird at times knowing that she’s probably not coming back. Sometimes I feel like it’s my fault. Other days I feel fuck that I needed to call that bullshit out.
The last time we spoke tho I feel now told me she was never going to change. Shes the one that called me first saying she passed by my house & was thinking of me. I was like did you want to see me or something? Just kind of confused why she was calling. She then lets out a laugh then says no I just wanted to see how you were doing. That laugh tho she gave me reminded me of the stuck up girls I use to get laughed at by from the girls in high school. I wanted to tell her then why the fuck are you calling me? What is there even to talk about ? Instead I just told her I to get home safely then we both said goodnight.
I now know things were never going to change with her. That I finally had enough of being disrespected.

So the next day I texted her if she can get back to me it would be appreciated. She responded, then I said “look all these things we’ve gone through all these things I’ve done for you & your kids that I would still do to this day. All the things I say you know I back that shit up I don’t deserve maybes”.

For context She told me 2 weeks prior during a long talk I told her “you tell me all those things from last year & a couple years prior telling me you’re still in love that you miss me all this other shit you tell me. You told me how you felt safe with me how you miss this my kindness my face my laughter my smile you miss all the things I would do for you. Why don’t you act on it are you scared of something?” She said “I don’t know what you want me to say” then I told her “did you even mean it ? I mean you ran off on me last year when you told me did you even mean what you said?” She then said “maybe at the time” which I’m not going to lie irks me to this day. Maybe….MAYBE???? Fuck outta here with that shit.

I told her that I don’t deserve weak answers like that I don’t deserve being told all this shit then just take it back & deny she ever said it. I don’t deserve the contradicting things she’s told me throughout the years. I don’t deserve being told you would still marry me, but yet reject me or ghost me clearly something about me prevents you from making that commitment. That I don’t deserve being told to let go of our memories when she’s the one that wanted to look at them, when she’s the one that brings the good & bad memories over the years, when she’s the one that said she even kept a couple romantic items from me. I told her I kept them because they’re sentimental to me they’re not collectibles. I don’t deserve that shit. I don’t deserve maybes I deserve yes or nos
She told me “it’s too early for this we’ll connect later” that connect later never came

The very next day she posts she’s at Disneyland with some dude. Turns out this dude was the one she was telling me about on our dinner date & was the dude she slept over when I called her then she gaslighted me saying you’re tripping saying this dude has a family & wife. It fucking broke me seeing that, she just asked me a week or 2 prior that I owe her a Disneyland date. That’s another thing I told her I don’t deserve being told let’s go to Disneyland the place we have talked about going to for so many years as fucking friends when you know how we felt about going there.

Then next week she posts again with this dude. I finally just had it texted her how hypocritical she that she cries about failed relationships or dudes playing her but yet never thinks how she does the same things that’s been done to her and does them to me. I told her how she tells me all this stuff but does nothing to back it up, how she lied to me again and again but yet I’ve been truthful to her. That I’m exhausted & disappointed that she can never be truthful with me.
I didn’t expect a response to be honest nor did I really want out.

Looking back I could have handled it better. I do feel like I did overreact a bit. How much more could have I taken? Being rejected after being told all this bullshit in 2 nights. Being told she’s still in love with me TWICE then just ghost me. When I did tell her how much it hurt being abandoned by someone who supposedly loves me she didn’t even say sorry no how can I make it up she didn’t say shit. I do tho I’ve always apologized and prepare to endure whatever reaction from the consequences was coming my way. I took accountability for all the mistakes I made. The biggest difference tho is I stopped making mistakes 4 years ago, she kept it going tho with hurting me. I still told her sorry for the pain I caused during our relationship how I regret them to this very day. Instead she tells me she never said that that I made it up, then the next time I bring it up her answer is “maybe at the time”. Being told she would be there for me but not doing a damn thing for me when my brother and grandma died not a single hand was held out for me. Did she even love me to begin with ? That all she had to do if she truly wanted to be friends was tell me that from the night I called her 10 months since we last spoke, she could have easily just told me she’s been seeing someone. Instead she told me all this other shit like Disneyland,I miss your face, I kept this stuff, come spend the night, my daughter misses you so much bullshit. Said all this behind another dudes back and treated both of us like options. I don’t regret calling her out whatsoever I finally stood up for myself after years of this shit.

I can’t contact her if I wanted to, found out she changed her number. It sucked at first but it told me how she felt. At this point I’m okay with it. I do miss her I do still care & love her but I know she’s bad for me. Part of me wishes we could be friends laugh like we always did, but that went out the window when she thought it was a good idea to lead me on with that I still love you shit…TWICE. I do wish her well tho I do hope she’s happy. Sometimes I do get mad, but I’m not a vindictive person. I would never wish anything bad happen to her or her new relationship. I’ll always cherish the good times with her & be thankful she came into my life, but I’ve now accepted she’s not good for me. Those memories of all the things we did together don’t just evaporate fuck we tried to make our own child i that very serious so I’ll always care.
But Soulmates or friends don’t do this kind of shit to someone they say they love. They’re there for that person it’s no a one way street. Not when it’s beneficial, not when it’s convenient for them.

I just remind myself that I always did my part whether I fail or succeed I at least tried & that she chose to do nothing. I remind myself to remain strong & remember how she truly feels about me. That she knew exactly what she was doing and simply didn’t care. Slowly but surely letting deconstructing the woman I thought I fell in love with knowing she never existed.

Not just me but no one deserves that type of shit. Being told all these things & then just never mind. It always felt like being dangled love and whenever we reach & jump for it, it just gets taken back like a yo-yo.

Was wondering if that option ever came up for anyone
I could never find it at all on any of the days the tickets went on sale for either shows
Did anyone manage to get one?
I only saw and bought the you against you package

Looking for Friday or Saturday willing to pay full price for those ticket I only need one