u/BuffaloChicken22

I’m 36 years old and have taking care of my dad 24/7 for almost 4 years now. From the beginning it’s been a lot of drama and BS, mainly from my younger brother who is his POA and controls his finances.

My dad brags about how much money he has but doesn’t want to pay to fix up the house that has everything falling apart. Not to mention arguements with my brother about paying me fairly. And the worst part is my wife and I get no breaks, ever. We have a 16 month old now and another on the way in October. My dad doesn’t have to lift a finger, just lays down most of the day or watches tv or blasts porn on his phone at full volume.

Nobody in my family helps us, checks in on us, or even talks to us anymore. They’re all super close with my younger brother and get all news about us through him. The one with a masters in finance, makes $200k a year with a $500k house 7min away: the one whose best friends with the local mayor and local cops. And he loves to twist everything to make us look like the bad guy. Who knows what he says.

We asked my brother months ago if he could just take my dad for dinner once a week and he said yeah for sure! But never followed through. We ask for help and get blown off or gaslighted and argued with.

Our last break was almost a year ago on my birthday.. we went over the border to Toronto for 24 hrs and my brother blew my phone up the entire time, saying we need to come back because he can’t stay with my dad overnight. He knew I was going to a concert and should’ve known we weren’t going to drive home with a 5 month old at 2am. Than he left my dad by himself overnight anyways, other brother said he’d help and never showed up. He ruined our trip.

Ruined a family vacation that summer for a family reunion and funeral, said he’d help with my dad when we didn’t want to even go, and never did. Argued with my wife in the hotel lobby while I was super sick in bed.

And he neglects repairs that the house needs and it’s falling part. Waits until things turn into chaos for us to deal with. Most recently our upstairs toilet has been clogging. He has a friend who is a plumber to give us better deals and had us call him. About a month ago the guys came over and cleaned the jets and it kept clogging. We told my brother and took him another couple weeks for him to tell us he approved the quote to replace it. We’ve tried calling this plumber service for the last 2 weeks since he approved the quote. They have an answering service and haven’t gotten back to us since my brother approved it.. they have probably been calling him.

So this morning my wife was trying to plunge it and unclog it again, it’s been clogged with shit water for 4 days. She thought she got it and flushed with our 1 yr old in her arms. She rushed in and woke me up at 8am and told me it’s overflowing.

I rushed in and turned off the water valve but it was too late. The water overflowed and filled the entire bathroom and some of the carpet outside of it, leaked through cracks in the floor, came through the kitchen ceiling and soaked the downstairs floor.

This same thing happened 3 days after our son was born when my dad clogged his toilet right on the other side of the wall. The service team we called gutted his floor, gutted our kitchen ceiling, cleaned all the cabinets that were soaked, replaced the ceiling etc. This time it’s the same thing, and telling us we have to throw out all of our food in the cabinets that I bought, and completely demo the kitchen and bathroom and replace all the cabinets. Tear out our tub in the bathroom and everything, so we’ll have no place to shower ourselves or our kid for at least 3 days. Super loud fans and dehumidifiers in the house for the next 3 days.

My brother jokes and says “must’ve been a big shit!”I said no this toilet has been broken and having problems, which he knows. Than he talks down on me and says “now we know not to use a broken toilet”. That got me so mad, I told him we didn’t use it.. it overflowed when we were trying to fix it AGAIN. And he talks down on me again and says he can show me the water valve is so next time I can just turn the water off. I told him I’m not stupid and I turned off the water right away but it was too late.

This was all through text and it drives me nuts how he’s so condescending. He comes over here whenever he feels like and is super fake friendly with us but I feel like he’s always playing mind games and controlling us. And tonight the roof started leaking into the room we just moved all the bathroom stuff and on my wife’s clothes. A few months ago we got a $26k quote to fix leaks in the basement that have been patched and ignored for over 10 yrs. My brother said all this isn’t necessary and they’re trying to rip my dad off. We finally found somebody to fix it for $7k and my brother just finally asked for the quote, 2 months after it started leaking bad.

I just can’t deal with this shit anymore. My dad is in his own world and doesn’t care. All of my family is on my brothers side and have no idea how bad it is for us or don’t care. It’s a weird vibe when we’re around any family and they talk to my brother and avoid us.

They pay me $1500 a month for 24/7 care and no breaks, and I pay for my dad’s food. And that was a huge argument too and getting told I’m trying to take advantage. We’ve been told we’re getting the house but it’s falling apart. I found out my dads will has the house and money being split with his 4 kids. So they’ll take all my dad’s money and leave us with this neglected fucked up house. My brother says well dad pays all the bills, which is true, but he would still be if we weren’t here. He says I’m making like $20 an hour which is bullshit, we can’t leave my dad alone for more than 2 hours.

We’ve been to an elder care lawyer who told us to bring my brother in so we could all talk it over, if he blows it off we should just move out. He blew it off. He blows off anytime we ask for help or starts arguments with me or my wife. It’s just one thing after another.

And I’ve been doing this for 4 yrs with no degree or work history. I can’t just find a good job and just move out, and he knows this. My wife is pregnant again and hasn’t worked since before our first son was born, over 1.5 yrs ago. Neither of us ever made that good of money. My brother knows we are trapped. I want to go back to school but it feels impossible in this situation.

I’ve been telling my wife for years I should call APS. She’s afraid they’ll say we were neglecting my dad and kick us out, move my dad into a home and drain all his finances. And we won’t have a house and will have to struggle for a place to live with kids. And I don’t want to leave my dad’s dog (pretty much my dog but I don’t pay his vet bills and can’t afford it).

Or she’s worried my brother has been taking pictures of a messy house/dirty dishes and will retaliate and call CPS on us. I looked it up and none of that will happen. She’s worried our kid will get taken from us.

So Monday I’m finally calling. I have plenty of screenshots, I save receipts. We need a BREAK. I’ve made posts here and the caregiving discord but never followed through. I can’t deal with this shit anymore. I can’t believe my family!! Really changed my outlook on people and everything.

I’m almost 5 months off the weeds, because of CHS. I’m almost 36 yrs old and 6’2, and my entire life I’ve been skinny and was never able to gain weight. Always around 150 lbs give or take. I had horrible CHS episodes for 7 yrs before I finally quit.. and when I’d get really sick and not be able to eat, I believe I was down to like 130lb a few times. I usually got horribly sick once every few months or so and end up in the ER.

Now 5 months later, I’ve been noticing I have a belly. I’m still kind of lankier but it’s almost like I’m pregnant (lol and my wife is pregnant again right now). I did notice my pants have been tight and rings on my fingers more right, but it’s mostly in my belly. I’m like skinny-fat for the first time ever.. really weird. At first I thought I was just bloated from my digestive system getting used to things.

So I hopped on the scale a week or 2 ago and was blown away that I weighed at least 185. So I’ve gained like 35+ lbs in a few months, that’s insane. I’ve always been a nighttime eater, but I’ll admit I’ve been eating meals a lot more since quitting. I used to just eat 1 maybe 2 meals a day and always had trouble eating earlier in the day while smoking, and just snacked. Since quitting I’ve finally been able to eat breakfast. And I admit my new thing is eating ice cream or a dessert almost every night before bed.

So I guess that needs to change. I want to start exercising but I was hit by a bus a month before quitting and have been injured. I just started PT recently. It’s funny because I always had a weird appetite growing up and thought weed helped it, but apparently it was holding it back.

Has anybody else gained weight after quitting? Maybe I should see my doctor and get tested?

The account started at around $1-1.5k in 2001 and grew to almost $15k since, untouched. I figured it wouldn’t be a bad idea to make a deposit into the account for the first time. I walked in they showed me my balance, I told them I’m going to add $15,300 so my account is at an even $30k. The lady didn’t say anything and just took my check, actually she was kind of acting weird.

I realize the investors need to make money but 5% seems really high, especially since they never mentioned it to me when I walked in with a check. So I lost nearly $800. The worst part is if I would’ve made the deposit 2-3 weeks earlier, I would’ve already made that back.

Isn’t 5% high? This place gives me no financial advice. My dad used to have a financial advisor working here who would come to our house a couple times a year and give him advice, but he’s since retired. I actually asked the guy who took over if it would be a good time to invest (2-3 weeks earlier, dumb question I know) and he didn’t respond. Just told me I can mail in a check or bring it in. Never met with him or talked to him ever. I feel like they robbed me.

Kind of want to withdraw everything and put it into my Schwab account online. This is very frustrating