u/BulletPrescription

As if everything would work out.

As if you were deserving of "love" and a normal life.

When, if ever, have you felt as if you:

1. Weren't that bad looking.

2. Were alright.

3. Could pass with a good personality.

For the people who's existence thus far has been defined by their less than favorable genetic makeup and the "discrimination", for a lack of a better term, imposed upon them by their surroundings -- when, if ever, has someone made you feel as if there was still some hope for you to live a life in which you could be seen positively, treated tenderly and be loved truly?

Share your moment if yes.

Say never if not.

Hello,

Yesterday marked one full, legitimate week of work in a while. It also marked my NEETing comeback, because I quit.

I got a job as a cashier/attendant in a local supermarket. Fairly big with lots of customers at all times of the day. I worked morning on Monday, evenings from Tuesday to Friday.

When I tell you that I gave it my best shot, I mean it. I was assigned with an experienced cashier on my first day to be trained by, and armed with a small notepad and pen, I wrote every key detail I could. I would go over it on breaks and, over the days, used those notes to write a "survival guide" at home, which I would go over at home before going to work. I even turned it into an audio guide, which I would listen to while on my commute to work. Every mistake made I ensured to write down, and ask for clarification by the end of the day. For once, I can confidently say it wasn't for a lack of trying that things didn't work out.

Problems arose primarily from two fronts, the customers and the end of the day cash counting.

The old people were obnoxious and disrespectful. Why exactly? I cannot be bothered to speculate on. Their demeaner and lack of manners pissed me off. At one point I even snapped at one of them, which I caught myself doing and course corrected immediately. They'd throw their money at me, throw receipts in the counter, push my hand away, wouldn't respond back to "hello" or "thank you", and were generally disgusting people to interact with. Of course, not all. But enough to recognize a pattern. Older mothers were the next demographic I loathed. Similar to these old folk, but much more entitled and pompous. Dumb cunts.

I'd say younger guys were the last demographic that I looked out for, but only about 3 of the hundreds of them I interacted with pissed me off, so I suppose it wasn't a big deal.

The most important setback, however, was the counting of the cash register at the end of the shift. The first two days there was money missing. Of course, as the new guy, the blame was put on me. I could understand that, and in hindsight, I probably did mess up. However, as I said, I wrote down every mistake I made, went over it back home, and came back better the next day. Thanks to this, every other day went great. I did my job well, quickly and with minimal setbacks. I arrived at time, always. I was getting more confident.

Every other day went well indeed, except, arguably the most important day, Friday. At the very end of my first week and arguably my best day so far by my estimation. Yet, upon counting the register, ready to seal the deal on this endeavor - 60 bucks missing.

Self esteem shot.

Motivation plummeted.

I reported this to the manager, she implied it was my fault, made me sign a document and that was that. Whether it was truly my fault I will never know. There was girl on the register I was in before me, but I can't point any fingers because I might have legitimately messed up. Thing is, if I DID mess up, it was on something I wasn't taught. Because everything, and I mean EVERYTHING that happened I wrote down and corrected over the week. I did the best I had done thus far. So what happened? I don't want to know. I'm never working a cashier job again. If they call me back, I'm not answering.

Now my plan goes as follows:

1. Take it easy for a bit.

2. Send out CVs for gardening positions (a job I have experience in, and my favorite job out of all I've had thus far), both online and physically. Max 15 CVs.

3. Concentrate on getting in shape, using the money I made this week on buying MMA equipment.

4. Find a job (I like) by the end of next month.

I don't see this week as a loss, but rather as a learning experience and a stepping stone. If I got this far as a shut-in, I can get farther still. I can rebuild my life and not just return to who I once used to be, but be even better.

But right now, it's back to NEETing.

After 2 years of work experience and several thousands saved, I dropped out of the workforce at 21 and laid low for 2 years. It was great. I slept all I wanted, barely stepped out of my room, played videogames all day - the works. In my mind I justified it by deeming it as my "breather" for a life that, up to that point, was ruled by insecurity, suicidal ideations, humiliation, isolation, embarrassment, judgement, so on.

All good things come to an end, however.

A few months ago my family had enough, and coupled with my money running out, it was back to pulling myself up by my bootstraps. I held it off for as long as I could, but eventually applied for a baking course. It may sound like it's no big deal, but it was serious enough to deem it as my "semi-exit" from the NEET life. The course lasted half a year, half theory/half hands-on. It wasn't as easy as I wished it was - certainly not in the social aspect. Going from a shut-in to having to work in close proximity with a plethora of personalities in a damp, hot and fast paced environment wasn't the most comfortable of experiences, that's for sure. Me being overly nervous and scatter brained did not help either. I made the most of it, however.

Skip to today, and after many CVs sent out and interviews attended, I've landed a job as a cashier/restock grocery store attendant. No experience, but they're willing to give me a shot. I start next week, and so I suppose my NEET status will officially end then. And it's back to 8 hour shifts galore.

One advantage that being socially active has that NEETdom doesn't, however, is that staying motivated is far easier (for me, at least). As you may imagine, being a shut in doesn't do you any favor physically. But now, with a set schedule and income, I have the desire to enter MMA + weightlifting full force.

The visualization of who I could be is what keeps me going in these stressful times.

They're mainly for Muay Thai/Kickboxing, but seem to be snug enough for grappling (potentially). With compression shorts underneath, would these be viable for no Gi grappling?