u/CepheiHR8938

(Tagging NSFW as we're talking about sex. Fictional sex, yes, but sex nonetheless.)

Look. I like smut. Both reading and writing it. In my opinion, smut is a valid as fuck way to explore your characters' merits and flaws – while releasing the tension for you as the author. Also, just because I'm grossed out by all things sexual doesn't necessarily mean the characters I'm writing are.

But, the problem is... that all-blanketing sex-aversion has handicapped my writing. My smut has been stuck at the gay penetration scene and I can't seem to find the inspiration to continue. My brain just keeps cutting to "well, congrats, you shoved an ace-coded character you relate to face-first into sex; would YOU have loved to be in his shoes?"

"No," I tell brain, "I hate sex."

"Then what the fuck are you doing to your blorbo?" it replies.

I know the character isn't real but I feel guilty regardless.

So, to the like-minded aces who write smut: how do you do it? I tried watching porn (meh), tried masturbating (slightly less meh), tried distancing myself from the characters... but nothing. My passion for the story evaporated the moment the fictional cock went in the fictional hole. It's sad, really. I'm half-tempted to find a co-author so they'd write this sex scene for me (I have it drafted), but that's stupid.

>I will throw my mighty scimitar at your head rather than suffer the indignity of prison!

Remembering the true cannot-be-caged. Appears, throws a melee weapon at your character, leaves. What an absolute GOAT.

...

But seriously. What's the deal with him?

So, I went in for a pap smear appointment today – courtesy of my doctor saying I, a uterus-haver, categorically needed it. Nothing happened. The OB/GYN simply shrugged and said "she can't" and "there's no point" in swabbing me. I know I shouldn't be happy as swabbing for (pre)cancerous cells in very important, but as someone with crippling bottom dysphoria, I couldn't be happier than I dodged the 'speculum-in-vagina' shaped bullet.

For the record, she refused to swab me not because I'm a trans man but because I'm a 33 y/o virgin. This is the second OB/GYN who has turned me away.

...Can't wait to explain that latter part to my doctor. She's going to be thrilled.

So yeah. I guess if you're staunchly against paps, don't have PIV sex. Awful advice, I know, but it, so far, has worked for me.

It's winter. A blizzard rages outside. The heir to my dynasty decided to visit her parents. She walked in as she had the front door key and went to take a bath. Then, still in a towel, she made a beeline for the pool (and the float there), and expeditiously "relaxed" right into becoming a human-flavored popsicle. I felt as though I just watched a car crash in slow-mo. At the very least she'd changed into her swimsuit prior to the disaster.

So yes. If you value someone who lives on their own, don't give them the key to your active sim's house.

Yesterday was our local Comic Con. This was my first attempt at cosplaying a guy character (or cosplaying in general). The guy character has facial hair, and the process of applying that facial hair and just touching it, feeling it on my face had filled me with so much euphoria I frankly didn't want to take it off. Eventually, of course, I had to – the spirit gum glue isn't very heat- or sweat-resistant so the mustache piece began to detach after 8 hours in the sweltering May sun.

After I got back from the con and took everything off, I had to suffer through the "phantom beard syndrome" for my entire evening. How I wish I could grow my very own... But hey! This has convinced me to obtain HRT in the near future. HRT requires a psychologist's 'permission' where I live (eastern Europe), so wish me luck. I'm setting out on this grand adventure to get my own facial hair... and all the other cis male features.

I am 32. Will be 33 in two days. It took me this long to understand that I am, in fact, a dude. It's never too late for self-discovery. For I, for first time in my life, see my true self in these cosplay photos.