u/CheekChance6075

I’ve had 9 different placements but my second to last one I’m really struggling to get over. She left over the summer. I still think about her everyday. I’m not sure what was so different with her but I really felt connected to her. I got to provide respite a couple weeks after she left but I haven’t heard anything since. Just crossing my fingers I get to see her again and that she’s doing well. The placement I got after her was also a sweet little girl. But my heart just wasn’t in it. When they asked if I could keep her long term I said yes but that if they had another home I’d prefer that. I felt so guilty. I feel damaged now. Like I lost something that wasn’t even mine. I’m not sure I can keep doing this.

I’ve been a resource parent for quite some time now. I had taken a break until I got a call about a 2 yr old girl who would likely turn into an adoptive placement since there were no interested relatives and mom had been MIA for a long time. We instantly connected. She loved being engaged/included in everything and became my little mini me. She came to my family reunion and we had plans to attend a family trip in December. A couple weeks ago I found out the case worker had lied and that mom had been in rehab for quite some time and they were likely reunifying soon. It was like my whole world stopped. I’m used to the changes of the system and the bittersweetness of my kids going home but this has just been different. She left yesterday and I just can’t stop crying. I had to leave work early today and I keep going to her room just to sit with myself. She’s not my baby but I had imagined a whole life where she was. It all just fell apart so fast. I don’t know what to do with myself. I just feel like a mother without a child.

I’ve been fostering for quite a while now and I always knew I would want to adopt eventually but lately it’s really been feeling like it’s time. Does anyone have any experience with transitioning from fostering to adopting a child? Did you switch to only accepting adoptive placements? Did you tell your certifier you were looking to adopt? Is it a whole other process outside of dhs foster agency?? Any info is helpful!

I have been fostering for over a year now and every single caseworker I’ve encountered just simply does not value or respect me or the fact that I’m a human with feelings and a life. No one ever keeps me informed on cases or plans for reunification. Im always finding out last minute or through other parties. I know some things truly are just last minute changes and we can’t prevent that. That’s not what I’m talking about. My last placement I had for 5 months and found out he was about to be reunified because I happened to be cc’d on an email where his doctor addressed it. Now, my current placement I’ve had for a few months but known a bit longer as I provided respite for her quite a few times. She was moved to my home because of a personal unrelated issue her last foster parent was dealing with. I told her case worker that I was still healing from my last placement as the reunification was quick and jarring. She assured me that she was very communicative and would keep me updated on everything. She also stated that this case would likely become a pre adoptive placement as there was no dad on her birth certificate, no interested relatives and mom had been MIA for months. All I’ve heard the whole time she’s now been with me is the same thing. There’s no visits and we even started planning to attend a big family trip in December with support from her cw. Yesterday, her attorney notified me of a court hearing and gave me the info to phone in. I wasn’t sure what it would be about since from my perspective there was nothing really going on in the case. Out of curiosity I phoned in. For 30 minutes I listened to her cw explain how well mom was doing in treatment and that she had been there for weeks. That there was also a relative who had just completed certification and was interested in taking her. Visits are starting again in two days. I’m glad mom is doing well and my fd will get to see her mom. However, I’m just so frustrated with the lack of communication. None of this was shared with me and I’m confident that I still wouldn’t have heard about it for a while had I not phoned in to the hearing. Idk what to do. I’m so over this system and the lack of actual team work for these kids. I’m mad at myself for getting so comfortable with this little girl and planning long term but I’m more mad at dhs for letting me think that was such a possibility. I just feel sad, tired and defeated.

ETA - Was just texted that we have a court ordered visit in just a few hours. Again, so glad mom and daughter will be reunited and I know visits are great for supporting moms sobriety. Hate not having any notice though. Will have to cancel our plans today to accommodate. I’m just over all of it.

Idk how to explain it really but you know that feeling you get when you see your ex treating their new partner the way you always hoped they would treat you? It feels kind of like that. I grew up in central California and attended high school 2013-2017. I knew I was gay but it was not safe at the time for that to be public knowledge. There was only one kid who was out in my 2000 student high school. The first girl I liked outed me and I dealt with a lot of shit for that. I came across my high schools TikTok page today and all the posts were so progressive. Ice protests, pride, anti Trump, etc. and I felt jealous. I’m so glad the students there now are having a different experience. I just can’t help but wish that was the school I got to go to.

Ok so like a month or two ago I started the show after I saw some spoilers online, one of them being George’s affair. I made a post here about it and people came for me since I posted before finishing the show. Everyone was saying he didn’t have an affair and that I just needed to watch. Now that I’m almost done with the show I had to come on here and say George and Mary both clearly had emotional affairs?? Not sure how that was lost on so many people but they both definitely had affairs!

ETA
The fact that so many people have differing opinions on the matter kinda proves my point. To some people, a relationship only becomes an affair if it’s physical but they both had inappropriate relationships with people outside of their marriage. Call it what you want but that’s not loyalty.

I’ve been looking at small houses to rent but worried this might be some sort of scam. I found the ad on Zillow and it’s not at all cheap for the size so that wasn’t the red flag to me. In the description it says “free applications, no credit checks, month to month” it lists other requirements like income, employment, pets, etc. but it seems unusual that a landlord would be willing to rent to someone without a credit check. I toured the house yesterday so I know it’s real and the woman seems perfectly nice. When I asked for a longer lease she said we could definitely do that. She explained that the property owners are a family run LLC that buy smalls homes and rent out to other families who typically want the flexibility to leave within 30 days. Which according to the property history on Zillow, looks accurate. It was purchased end of Feb and has been vacant on Zillow since mid March. Is there anything I should ask about or be concerned about? The house is perfect for me in every way I’m just feeling a bit paranoid. TIA!