u/CheesyBlush11

I just came to know that he also cheated on me. Bro wtf. Bhot mujhe ginata tha tu aisa kyu krti vaisa kyu krti even though mai kisi se baat tk nhi krti thi. Pagalo ki trh uski kapdo ko leke ghr se nikalne io leke har baat manti thi. Or yeah I already knew it by my heart that he has. Breakup karne se ek mahine pehle se maine uske behaviour me change notice kr liya tha or uske baad bhi mujhe kaha gya tha ki vo kr rha h vo sahi nhi chal rha tha mere sth breakup se pehle hi, but mai tb zyada andhi thi pyar me..ab meri aankhe khuli hui h so yeah i know he did. And mujhe aisa kuch farak nhi pdh rha ki usne cheat kra. Usse or kuch expect bhi nhi kiya jaata. Itna to jan hi gyi hu usko. But gussa ye aata h ki merko har chiz ko leke sunata tha. Itni galiya dene ka mann kr rha h shi me.. hat tarah se hurt kara h uss insaan ne mujhe har tarahhh se literally

I am crying not because I miss him. I am crying because he has hurt me and i know that he doesn't deserve my love but I still love him and I can't stop loving him. I can't like any other person. I tried my best. People who don't even know the whole story are judging me. And I. Am just tired of all this shit

My birthday went well. Because of my friends. And god who blessed me. And made sure that I must not feel sad. Nothing bad happened as I thought. I hope everything gets better.

It's my birthday 🥰 and I'm not sad as I thought I would be. All thanks to my Waheguru ji😌❤️

I just realised, I am not scared of getting my heart broken. Because there's no heart left. I am scared of control. JUST THE CONTROL. And maybe of getting MISUNDERSTOOD.

My birthday is in 2 days. And I am scared. Idk why. Maybe I am getting an intuition. I get these a lot and they are mostly true. And this time, I feel something weird. And I know something is gonna happen on 11 August. And I just wanna skip 11 August.

I was in a toxic relationship. Almost 2.5 years back, I was in a relationship with a guy who cheated on me but when I finally broke up with that person, I was not in love with him anymore, but the pain was still there. Then I fell in love with a guy, whom I trusted a lot by my heart, not by his words. Then he started getting possessive. I thought that is just his love. He wanted me to delete my posts and photos from instagram. He made me change my Instagram I'd. Even usko ye bhi nahi pasand tha that mera ek muh bola bhai tha jo actually bhai hi thaa mai usey apne saghe bhai jitna manti thi. Uske liye mai kisi ladke se baat nhi krti thi, uss muh bole bhai tk se baat band kr di thi block kr diya tha. But hamesha ye insecure hota tha. Isko mere past se insecurity thi even though maine usey relationship me aane se bhi pehle, usko apni feelings batane se bhi pehle past bata diya tha. He knew ki abhi bhi mai un chizo se aage nhi bdh payi mujhe abhi bhi apne past ko yaad krke hurt hota h..and he himself said that he would love me so much that mai heal ho jaungi. Usne responsibility li thi. Dheere dheere uski toxicity bdhti gyi. Mere kapdo ko leke..koi ladka mujhse baat krne ki koshish kre usme bhi ye mujhpe gussa krta, mujhe kahi jane nhi deta. Hamesha bas insecure rehta tha. Mai itna pareshan ho chuki thi ki mai bas isse dur hona chahti thi pr itna pyar krti thi ki nhi ho pati thi. Breakup krti thi fir patchup kr leti thi. Or toh or hamesha har chiz me mujhe blame krta mujhe aisa feel krata tha jaise mai isko bhot hurt krti hu..uski har baat manti thi, ha ladti bhi thi pr ye meri life h mai bhot bekar feel krti thi. Jaise mujhe kaid kr liya h. Mai apna stand leti thi mai chidti thi pr mai itna pyar kr baithi usse ki chah kr bhi kuch nhi kr pa rhi thi. Kbhi to vo bhot acha tha kbhi bhot hurtful. Uski achi buri baato me mai confuse hoti gyi mera dil dimag usey smjh nhi paaya. Then almost ek year ho gya tha relationship ko or usne mujhse khud breakup kr liya. Pehle to vo clearly bata nhi rha tha ky reason h. Mere bhot baar puchne ke baad usne mere upr hi blame dal diya ki maine usko itna hurt kiya. 3 baar maine brkp kra. Konsa brkp yr. 2,3 dino ka brkp. Max 13 din ka brkp. Kya ye breakup hota h? Or na maine kabhi usko cheat kiya. Itni pagal thi uske piche. Itni loyal thi uske liye ki koi bhi ladka kuch baat krne ki try krta tha mai usey batati thi. Apni life ki har chiz usey batati thi. Jaise jaise mai apne liye stand lene lgi vo mujhse dur hote gya or ye baat maine baad me realise kri. Uske brkp krne ke baad 3 mhine maine bhot try kiya sb thik krne ka. Bhot royi gidgidayi. Msg kre bina reh ni pati thi mai. 3 mhine 3 saal jaise lgne lge the. Time nhi nikalta tha. Har baat me rona aata tha. Ek din mai itna preshan aa gyi try krke thak gyi ki maine giveup kra. Pr jab maine uska picha krna chodha, toh usne msg kra. Maine avoid kiya maine zyada baat nhi kri. Usne fir msg kra or mujhse kaha ki pyar krta h or sath rehna chahta h mai maan gyi. Pr vo time nhi de rha tha. 2 min bhi nhi. 2 din vo patchup nhi chala or maine hi kaha mai nhi rehna chahti aise me sath. Kuch din baad fir msg aaya or usne mujhe bataya ki mujhse brkp ke baad vo ek ladki ke sth timepass relationship me tha. Usne bataya un dono ne kuch intimate moments sath share kre. Mai believe nhi kr pa rhi thi. Maine zidd krke photos liye jisme vo dono kaafi close the jise dekhke mai toot gyi. Pehle to bhot gussa kiya fir kuch der baad khud jaake kaha ki mai abhi bhi sath rehna chahti hu. Pr usne mana kr diya. Aaj tk gussa aata h ki jab brkp ke baad kra tha usne ye sb to mujhe batane ki ky lgi thi usey? Uske baad bhi usne mere se kuch time baat cheet chalu rkhi thi fir ek din vo bhi band. Maine kasam kha li thi mere birthday pe uska msg nhi aata toh mai usse kbhi baat ni krungi. Mera kuch dino baad birthday aaya or usne apne dosto se raat ke 11.30 bje wish kraya. Jb adhe ghante me birthday khatam tha. Uske baad bhot mahino baad mere ek school function me mai gyi thi or vo mujhe vo dikha uski bhen ayi thi baat krne maine nhi kri but sb baate hit kr gyi or mai bhot der tk roti rhi roti rhi jo maine itne time se rok rakha tha. Uske baad mai thoda thik hone lgi thi. But uske bhi kuch mhino baad mujhe fir uski yad aane lgi. Ab 4-5 mahine ho gye h mujhe uski bhot yaad aati h. Breakup ko 1.5 saal ho gya pr mai usse moveon nhi kr payi. Uske itna bura krne ke baad bhi. Or at the end usne mujhe ye keh diya tha ki mujhe heal krne ki responsibility uski nhi🫠 or idk mai abhi bhi kyu uske liye feel krti hu. Or sabse zyada yahi baat hurt krti h ki itna sab hone ke baad bhi aaj uski yaad aati h uske liye dil me feelings h. Or ab, chahke bhi kisi pe trust nhi kr pati. Har kisi me bas. Kamiya dhundti hu. Har koi jutha lagta h. Or sabse imp, jab bhi kisi pe trust krne ka sochti hu, toh sabse zyada yahi darr khata h ki koi mera past nhi samjhega or koi meri freedom mujhse cheen lega or mujhe uski tarah treat krega. Mai ab uss pinjre me vapas jane se darti hu🙂

I think love is just felt. It cannot be described in words. And as people say, love heals everything. That is what I've always wanted. Love.