u/ChemicalBookkeeper58

I would love to find a place like an Oakland on the east coast that is medium to large sized. I’m not a big drinker, enjoy yoga, trying new restaurants, park picnics with friends, walks in sunshine. I’d love to live on the west coast again but for family reasons I want to be on the east coast or near it. I put all of my location desires into ChatGPT and it said leave the US lol and go to Porto. I absolutely love Brooklyn but scared of what it’ll do long term for my nervous system.

Thanks!

We're debating which route makes the most sense. We've driven through Texas so many times an would like to knock those states (Kansas, Oklahoma, Arkansas) off the list but curious what this route is like and if there's anything we should be aware of. Thanks. Will be breaking it up into two days.

Mid-thirties here. My life has been full! Very lucky. I’ve lived in a few major cities, had two career pivots, and some short term relationships around 1 year (embarrassing) that taught me a lot but I’m realizing I’ve never really stayed anywhere long enough to build the kind of community and depth I’m now craving. I tried to do this in my current city. Been here for 4 years and in my job for 4 years to really commit and build. It actually was not really what I wanted but I did it to practice commitment. I’m still single unfortunately but at least I stayed in one city!

My friends have all settled, long term relationships marriage kids etc, and I’ve wanted that for 5-6 years now but just 4 years ago realized my bad patterns and have been dating differently for awhile.. have been trying to stay, commit, be ok with my career and my city.

I know I need to plant roots somewhere before the relationship, career stability, and close friendships can actually take hold, but I’m still figuring out where, since the obvious choices (family/friends’ cities) don’t feel right for me.

For those of you who went through this shift: how did you actually do it? Did you choose the place first? Did something just click? I’d love to hear what the transition looked like for you! Ty!

I’ve just reached my mid thirties and my life has been wonderful but a series of jumping from one thing to the next. Whether it be partners, locations, jobs, I’ve had two different careers now, 4-5 partners all about a year long and then a long series of singleness, different cities.

It was fun to try new things and I’m very independent. It was a blast but it’s meant I’ve lost closeness with friends over the years. I’ve had a hard time committing to a relationship long term. I have a great family and long term friends who I still stay in touch with and do trips with, but I’m realizing they’ve all settled and gotten married and are having kids and have these communities they’ve built over a decade whereas I was bouncing around… there’s nothing wrong with exploring tbh I think I had to do this to learn how much I need to be consistent and ground myself.

So even though I realize this, I still have this hard time envisioning where I should plant roots since where my family and friends live (between 2-3 cities is not really for me -weather, lack of culture, etc) and I want to stop craving a different career and just commit to a place, career, and person. It’s never going to happen if I don’t settle into a place.

If this is you, how did you move through this? How did you change?

Going through my first layoff and feel anxious financially but a huge sigh of relief to not have to work for my previous company. At the company I was at before this one, it was a relatively pleasant experience but oh my gosh I feel like tech is quite soul sucking. Anyone else go navigate this? Feel like this is my chance to pivot.

I have been doing everything to meet someone. My last committed relationship was 5 years ago. I’m 34. That relationship and like most before was under a year. I know I have fears and I feel like I’m so deeply embarrassed I can’t seem to make something work or stick. People around me are almost like tired of seeing my go on for so long. I know I’ll get there but I also dread telling someone about how little experience I’ve had.

My longest relationship was 1.5 years and others were less than a year. As someone who is constantly on dating apps, I have like 2-3 monthers with truly great guys but I’m not attracted to them or there’s no emotional connection. This has been going on since I moved to my current city. Of course in therapy, asking friends if they can give me feedback, and I am trying to be open. I really don’t hate men, I just think my pickiness puts up a guard and I get the ick and then it’s done. Idk. How do you move forward this? All feedback from friends has been maybe give them a little more time and/or men suck these days! Which I don’t think that’s true! Lots of kind guys I just don’t like want to hang out with them? and then the guys I’m attracted to it’s like we can’t have any real convos…

TLDR: Queen of short term relationships at 34. Never lived with a man or had a relationship longer than 1.5 years despite dating for 5 years since my last boyfriend. Men are not horrible, I just can’t find the one that clicks…

Considering a move. Exhausted from pixel pushing, design systems, politics, and worried about the trajectory of this career long term. Curious to see what else you can move to that's not UX research or product management...

I’m in my mid 30s and have had a cool but windy career. Two functions that I did pretty well in but see the path of my current one and want to get out. I’m burnt out and can’t seem to stick with it. It’s a safe career for sure. The last career was fun and I enjoyed most of it but a very volatile industry and I really wanted to do more meaningful work. I’ve chased the prestige (classic 3) and now want to pivot again but am nervous I’ll just keep repeating the cycle. Additionally, I’ve let my career control my happiness meanwhile I’m trying to find a partner and fall in love and just enjoy life more.

For any of my 3s, did you have a similar pattern? Any advice for how to settle in or find good enough?

Does a city like this exist?

Mostly walkable and more community oriented than other cities. Community definitely has to be built but I’ve found places like nyc and pockets of Costa Rica to be more community oriented whether that be walkability or cultural (CR)

TLDR:

- high walkability
- very community oriented
- a good dating culture for 30s looking for marriage (idk how you evaluate this but throwing it in lol)
- not a horrific winter (any other weather is fine)
- a large body of water
- mid to large size city
- international airport
- European feel (potentially a stretch)
- parks, greenery, and nature

Thxxx

I’m pivoting my career (not a crazy pivot at least I don’t think), moving out of my current city to live with my mom for a few months, and I’m single at 34. If you told me this would be happening two years ago, I would’ve thrown up from anxiety, but now I see it as a fresh start and a huge privilege. Hooray for growth!

Anyways I am definitely still shameful of the fact that I’ve been single for 5 years and dating this entire time with 3-4 monthers here and there but haven’t found a long term partner. I know this is probably me and work I need to do but I just can’t figure it out. I’ve had therapists tell me it’s just a matter of time and I’m starting to think it’s just not true? How does this make sense? Anyways, I am moving at 34 out of my current city because I really don’t see myself here long term. I feel at peace with closing this chapter. I will miss my friends but it’s not a great job market and not really where I want to date and then start a family. I’m having a hard time deciding where I should go though.

I’m considering NYC, Chicago, outside of LA, Raleigh, Philly, and the east bay based on my personal preferences for culture, diversity, walkability, energy, things to do, parks, and job opportunities. I’ve lived in nyc, Chicago, and sf so I know what I’m getting into. I just really want to find a partner, stop moving, and also love my community at the same time. Any thoughts on other places?

I'm in my mid 30s and worried about ageism as I pivot my career. I'm in UX and have known for a few years I need to pivot for many reason (interest, burnout, general misalignment). Brand strategy and marketing seem best for my skill set but I'm nervous given my age that that's a bad move given I'll be competing with 20 somethings. Plus if I'm making an intentional career move now, I want it to have some general job security as I approach my 40s and 50s. Any ideas! (former content producer, current UX designer, interested in brand strategy and/or psychotherapy but therapy will prob burn me out!)

I’m making my second career pivot and although I’m excited about it, I’m very worried I’m going to make the wrong move. I’m a former advertising producer, current UX designer, considering either brand strategy, general marketing, or psychotherapy. I understand what lights me up and what I’m good at (helping people, creativity, systems thinking, storytelling) and tech has slowly sucked away my soul. I tried keeping my role and switching into mental health tech but quickly discovered I just strongly dislike my function (design). As I’ve narrowed down my next options, I really want to make the right choice for my lifestyle, income standards, and satisfaction and avoid pivoting too many times as that will look chaotic. I’d like to be specialized in 1-2 things since I’m a generalist at the moment. Any guidance on questions I should ask myself, industries I should avoid, etc would be helpful. Thank you. I’m also mid 30s and know ageism may be coming for me and would like to consider that with this choice.

I’ve had two careers now that I’m super grateful for but I’ve job hopped a lot. I’ve received good feedback overall in both careers but mainly the first one, but I’ve only been promoted twice in my career and I’m 33. I’ve jumped a bunch and feel like in my current career I’ve kinda faked it to the top, but my skillset I would say I’m more mid level. I carry my weight, I get my work done, and I’m kind and curious during the process. I’m pretty unhappy in my second career and burnt out. Feels like my soul has left me these past few years and I don’t care if I become more skilled except for the fact that I don’t want to let others down and I want to be actually good at something.

I see people on LinkedIn who are flowered with compliments and just seem to do well in their role. This seems like most people, but I feel like if I were to post something, it would be crickets. I’m just average, the job hopper, the girl who can’t make up her mind or get really good at anything. I have connections that I’ve kept along the way but gosh I just wish someone was like wow she is soooo good at x. She crushes it at x. Never been me and I don’t feel close to it.

Why does it feel like others naturally achieve and succeed and leave a positive mark everywhere they go? Want that for me. :(