u/CherryBlossoms05

I honestly don’t know what’s happened to me, and I’m hoping someone here can offer some sincere advice.

Over the past few months, ever since returning from Umrah, I’ve become a completely different person. I used to be patient, motivated, and generally enjoyed being around people. Now I feel like my fuse is incredibly short, I get irritated so easily, and I honestly don’t want to be around anyone most of the time.

I’ve also completely lost all motivation. I used to exercise regularly and keep myself busy, but now I can barely get myself to go anywhere or do anything. My iman has taken a huge hit, and I feel like I’m barely holding on. I just don’t feel like myself anymore. I’m so confused because going for Umrah is supposed to strengthen your iman, but I had such a difficult experience there that I somehow came back worse than before.

The strange part is that I’ve been through much more stressful periods in my life, and I never reacted like this. That’s why I’m so confused. I keep trying to figure out what changed, but I can’t pinpoint it. My family has even commented on how angry and irritable I’ve become, and it honestly breaks my heart because this isn’t who I am. It doesn’t reflect the person I know myself to be.

I would start therapy, but I honestly can’t afford it right now. I’ve also had bloodwork done, and everything came back normal, so I’m truly at a loss. I know many people will suggest praying more and making dua, and I understand why. The problem is that even praying has become a battle. When I do pray, I feel like I’m just rushing through it because I want it to be over, and I hate that I feel that way.

Has anyone experienced a sudden personality shift like this? What actually helped?

I just want to be myself again.

I don’t work with any Muslim guys, I don’t know a huge number of people, and while I’m fairly involved in the Muslim community, men and women are usually pretty separate. On top of that, it feels like most of the brothers around my age are already married.

I don’t use the apps and I’m not really interested in matchmaking, so I’m curious… for those of you who met your spouse organically, where did it actually happen?

PS. Please don’t reach out to me about getting to know me. I’m looking for someone local and not online or through Reddit.

Salam, I’m in a bit of a tough situation and I’d really appreciate some advice.

My dad recently received a marriage proposal for me from someone in our community. I don’t know him very well as I’ve only ever seen him at family functions, but many of my family and friends know him and he seems like he’s a good and respectful person.

However, I don’t feel compatibility for a few reasons:

\\- I don’t feel any attraction or connection towards him. I know this sounds superficial as we’ve only ever said Salam to each other in group settings and never actually had a conversation, but I’ve learned from past experience that I shouldn’t force myself into something hoping attraction will come later, as it ends up hurting worse for both later on. There should at least be something at the start.

\\- There are lifestyle and mindset differences that feel important to me long-term, as we practically grew up in different worlds. He’s also newer here, so I’m sure there will be many clashes, especially with lifestyle, communication, and expectations.

\\- I don’t think it’s fair to lead him on into a getting-to-know-each-other stage if I’m not genuinely interested in him.

The difficult part is that I feel really guilty about rejecting him because I know he had to gather a lot of courage to reach out, and I don’t want him to feel bad about himself, especially considering that he’s always been made fun of about his weight by others.

At the same time, I also don’t want to accept something out of guilt or pressure, because I know that wouldn’t be fair to either of us.

I’ve told my father to simply reject him, but he keeps saying that he needs to give him a reason, and I honestly don’t know what to say without making the guy hate himself. What is the most respectful way to decline a proposal like this without hurting the person’s self-esteem or making it feel like I’m rejecting him before I even know him due to his physique?

Salam, I’m in a bit of a tough situation and I’d really appreciate some advice.

My dad recently received a marriage proposal for me from someone in our community. I don’t know him very well as I’ve only ever seen him at family functions, but many of my family and friends know him and he seems like he’s a good and respectful person.

However, I don’t feel compatibility for a few reasons:

- I don’t feel any attraction or connection towards him. I know this sounds superficial as we’ve only ever said Salam to each other in group settings and never actually had a conversation, but I’ve learned from past experience that I shouldn’t force myself into something hoping attraction will come later, as it ends up hurting worse for both later on. There should at least be something at the start.

- There are lifestyle and mindset differences that feel important to me long-term, as we practically grew up in different worlds. He’s also newer here, so I’m sure there will be many clashes, especially with lifestyle, communication, and expectations.

- I don’t think it’s fair to lead him on into a getting-to-know-each-other stage if I’m not genuinely interested in him.

The difficult part is that I feel really guilty about rejecting him because I know he had to gather a lot of courage to reach out, and I don’t want him to feel bad about himself, especially considering that he’s always been made fun of about his weight by others.

At the same time, I also don’t want to accept something out of guilt or pressure, because I know that wouldn’t be fair to either of us.

I’ve told my father to simply reject him, but he keeps saying that he needs to give him a reason, and I honestly don’t know what to say without making the guy hate himself. What is the most respectful way to decline a proposal like this without hurting the person’s self-esteem or making it feel like I’m rejecting him before I even know him due to his physique?

Salam, I genuinely need unbiased advice because I feel emotionally stuck and honestly desperate at this point. If someone has experienced this or has been on the other end of this, I’d appreciate the help.

Some years ago my brother’s wife left him very suddenly and it absolutely traumatized our whole family, especially me as we were practically sisters. We were extremely close to her and treated her like our own for years, so it wasn’t just their divorce, it genuinely affected all of us, especially seeing what it did to my brother. There was no abuse or major incident that caused the separation. From what I understand, she was struggling with her identity, faith, and wanting a different life, and I think she didn’t know how to face us or explain it properly, so she suddenly left.

Over the past while she has slowly started reaching back out. Birthday messages, holiday messages, sending homemade things through my brother, etc. I also strongly suspect my brother has been reconnecting with her romantically again, although he hasn’t fully admitted it.

Recently she sent me flowers for my birthday and I completely broke down emotionally when I received them. Part of me still loves her deeply and knows she carries a lot of regret over everything that happened. Another part of me still feels hurt and protective because of how badly everything ended and how much pain it caused my brother and my family.

I genuinely don’t know whether acknowledging the flowers is simply kind and mature, or if it unintentionally opens a door emotionally that I don’t want to reopen.

To be clear, I still struggle heavily with trust after everything that happened. It left me scarred in many ways and I don’t want her back in our lives. But at the same time, I’m not a heartless person and ignoring the gesture completely also feels wrong to me.

I honestly don’t know how to navigate this situation in a proper way. I’d really appreciate sincere advice. JAK.

Salam, I genuinely need unbiased advice because I feel emotionally stuck and honestly desperate at this point.

Some years ago my brother’s wife left him very suddenly and it absolutely traumatized our whole family, especially me as we were practically sisters. We were extremely close to her and treated her like our own for years, so it wasn’t just their divorce, it genuinely affected all of us, especially seeing what it did to my brother. There was no abuse or major incident that caused the separation. From what I understand, she was struggling with her identity, faith, culture, and wanting a different life as she’s a revert, and I think she didn’t know how to face us or explain it properly, so she suddenly left.

Over the past while she has slowly started reaching back out. Birthday messages, holiday messages, sending homemade things through my brother, etc and I’ve just ignored them. I also strongly suspect my brother has been reconnecting with her romantically again, although he hasn’t fully admitted it.

Recently she sent me flowers for my birthday and I completely broke down emotionally when I received them. Part of me still loves her deeply and knows she carries a lot of regret over everything that happened. Another part of me still feels hurt and protective because of how badly everything ended and how much pain it caused my brother and my family.

I genuinely don’t know whether acknowledging the flowers is simply kind and mature, or if it unintentionally opens a door emotionally that I don’t want to reopen.

To be clear, I still struggle heavily with trust after everything that happened. It left me scarred in many ways and I don’t want her back in our lives. But at the same time, I’m not a heartless person and ignoring the gesture completely also feels wrong to me.

I honestly don’t know how to navigate this situation in a proper way. I’d really appreciate sincere advice. JAK.