Recently made the decision to separate. It’s been an ongoing thing for the last year at least. I was dealing with some betrayal and just can’t get past it.
I’m looking for someone to chat with.
In my thirties, female.
Don’t come at me with your 🍆
34/F
I’ve had scoliosis and known about it since middle school. I’ve always had pain but managed it well with yoga and ibuprofen. This last month I’ve had pain in lower back, by my hips, and just recently stated having sharp pain and my back locking up from pain and muscles spasming. It hurts so bad I’m in tears and went to the ER.
They gave me a lidocaine patch, steroid shot, toradol shot, Tylenol, muscle relaxer and norco.
It’s barley helped. I can walk now without super sharp pain but it’s still there.
Just looking for someone that has had the same or just words of encouragement.
I’m dealing with some betrayal trauma and trying to make the best decision.
I don’t have the kids tonight, and it’s a Saturday night. It feels really lonely.
I’ve been married for 10 years. Most of my friends are married and have kids.
I’m just here for conversation, maybe some advice. My husband and I of 10 years are living separately as of 3 weeks ago. I’m getting a lot of opinions— some telling me I’m making the right choice by leaving and others telling me I need to seek God and his word and forgive my husband for betrayal. We have kids also and he keeps telling me what this is doing to our kids.
Advice/conversation after betrayal tl;dr
I’ve been seriously contemplating separation for the last 6 months and finally made the decision to go ahead with it. I got my apartment and moving in this weekend.
There was lying, financial lying, alcohol and substances involved— on top of trying to raise a blended family that felt very one sided with discipline and housekeeping.
I feel like it’s the right decision— I’m not jumping to divorce because I’m hoping it gives me clarity on how to move forward and seek forgiveness and maybe some accountability on his part.
He’s angry with me and feels like me getting my own place is worse than anything he did.
I guess I’m just looking for anyone in a similar situation or anyone that has helping words.
I feel happy, sad, excited, confused and scared at the same time.
I’ve made the decision to separate from my husband. I would like to still work on things and get clarity. I got approved for an apartment and am 2 weeks away from it becoming available.
My question is for moms and dads with kids— on your days you don’t have the kids, the sadness you feel and loneliness, is that worth all the problems in the marriage. I know I’m not happy staying, but I fear the alternative might be too much.
My husband had a year-long addiction battle.
He lied to me about it when I first found out.
Then he lied again when I found more.
I supported him through what I thought was recovery, but he never actually stopped during that time.
I later found out he opened a credit card I didn’t know about and spent around $5,000 on it. The interest rate is 27%, so now we’re stuck making minimum payments trying to keep up.
Since then, he has fully stopped the addiction and also quit nightly drinking. We’ve been in counseling, and it’s been about 3–4 months since everything finally came out.
The problem is… I can’t get over the dishonesty. I still cry almost every day and replay everything constantly in my head. I feel emotionally exhausted and disconnected.
I told him I’m considering getting an apartment to have space and clarity because I honestly don’t know what I want long term right now. We also have kids, which makes everything feel heavier. He told me he may not be around if I leave and later decide I want to come back. He’s very hurt that I’ve been emotionally and physically distant since all of this happened.
I guess I’m asking people who have actually been through betrayal/addiction in marriage:
Have you truly forgiven your spouse after this kind of dishonesty? How long did it take? What actually helped you heal or rebuild trust?
TL;DR: Husband hid an addiction for over a year, lied multiple times, hid debt, and only fully came clean 3–4 months ago. He’s now sober and trying, but I still feel devastated and disconnected. Considering getting my own apartment for clarity. Looking for advice from people who’ve rebuilt trust after addiction and dishonesty in marriage