I've only ever read Absolute Superman so I don't know too much...
All I know is that I am deeply hurt.
Any hopeful quotes that can lift me up and help me move on.
Thank you.
My ex and I broke up a week ago. It wasn't the messiest break up but it sure did hurt. I loved the man. He was my friend for a long time and we came into each other's lives.
He started liking my tweets from who knows when. All of the posts I post of my thoughts, feelings, even my gym picture.
It hurts. He broke up with me so I could work on myself.
I have BPD and I was clearly not in a place to be in a relationship. He said it was for the best, not that he wanted the breakup.
Anyway. To speculate why doesn't and shouldn't matter.
I told him I needed to block him but it said it'd make him sad. In hysterics I basically said he'd never hear from me again. After calming down and thinking that if I ever want some form of a relationship with him again, blocking him doesn't seem like the wave.
You left on saturday. You didnt give me a chance. But you already left your mind where its at without wanting to go back.
Maybe you did do it for my sake, maybe it was you wanting to be selfish because you could no longer take it.
My issues... I took them out on you. I couldnt love myself. I lost myself. BPD does that to a person. How could I have been so blind to see that my behavior was escalating.
You loved me and you loved me with your whole heart. I too loved you with everything I have. Except, I couldnt accept your love fully.
I know what to do now and I hate you turned into a lesson.
Maybe our lives with cross paths again. Maybe we can try again especially if you want to live a life without children. I remember how indifferent you were. I dont know but I do know that I no longer choose to be this person I once was that hurt you.
You deserve more than that. My next partner deserves more than that.
I love you Luis.
Hello everyone. I hope you're doing well.
This is long and I hope someone out there is willing to read it and lend me their time because I need it. I feel so alone and lost.
First I'd like to share that I (34F) have BPD. Those who have it understand, those who don't have it may not understand. This disorder has made my relationships suffer. All of them, including this one.
My friend (27M) and I started dating about 2 months ago. Known him for 8 years, talked on and off as friends. There was always something between us but the timing was never right until I made the decision to tell him I had feelings for him.
One thing led to another and we became a couple. It started off great, healthy. Beautiful. We finally got to share each other that lie dormant throughout the years. Grateful to know that we both were in good positions to date despite the distance (hes in the military still within the states).
Here comes the creeping BPD and I will do my best to explain everything without turning this into a whole novel. Each moment I had an episode of insecurity, abandonment issues, anger, and feelings of emotional intensity that was disregulated it quietly pushed him away.
His ability to stay strong and to understand me was there until he couldn't anymore.
He broke up with me this past Saturday and I haven't really eaten or slept. Yesterday I was able to eat solid food but couldn't eat too much I had to stay on liquids. The first day I hadn't slept in 30+ hours.
The rug was pulled from under me. I didnt know he felt so trapped and so cornered that he didn't talk to me about anything before breaking up with me. There was no discussion of "hey this is how im feeling and its not good. Can we try to talk it out and find a solution?" No. It turned into his thoughts passing a line of no return; he had his mind set.
I asked if he wanted this and he said that he felt it was right, that it was necessary. It wasnt about wanting it. We had foundational issues.
-I wasnt proactive in taking care of my debt. I have a lot of debt. He was trying to help me and wanted to budget with me and he budgeted so he COULD help me take it on but I kept on buying and spending.
-I stopped living for myself and made a lot of decisions based on what I think hed want or what I felt would keep him from ever leaving (like not going to the gym so we could spend more time together. That was not a good sign to him)
-I was taking my emotions out on him.
-he couldn't decide if he wanted children or not. I couldnt just accept he was okay with not having a hard yes or no. I dont want children and I felt I needed an answer. He mentioned he was okay with not having kids when we first started dating and wasnt really leaning more towards one or the other. Felt he was okay with being an uncle and he had his own kids (he educates children from a hobby of his). I wish I had just accepted that.
-he became uncertain of the distance after the instability I had about it all and it caused him to feel the same uncertainty that this would even work.
There's probably more but I was too distraught to even really hear it all, but i understand what I must do for myself.
He even mentioned that who knows we might end up together again. Fatal flaw to plant that seed in my head. When i mentioned it and told him to not give me that kind of hope. He said it wasn't about hoping or waiting for him, but you just never know what could happen. Still that seed is in my head and it's been watered a bit.
We established in the beginning that we would remain friends if things didnt work out. Sure enough he brought that up. At first i couldnt fathom the idea. I needed to block and disappear, then I became warm to it because he IS my friend. I've known him for almost a decade. We remained in each other's lives.
Had I handled my emotions better. Had I handled my finances better and took proactive measures to clear my heavy debt. Had I been doing things for myself. This may not have happened.
Had I took his words at face value rather than a suspect thought, I think we would have been fine. The only issue we would have had really was the distance.
I had a vice grip around the relationship because I was afraid he would leave. He was good to me. He wanted to make sure I was okay. He remembered little details about me. He really made me wanna step up my game. Instead I couldn't regulate my emotions and dumped it on him and unintentionally made him the reason for my problems. Like he was the bad guy even if he wasn't directly the problem.
To go on and on is my curse because I do have so much to say.
I am hurting.
I am in pain.
I regret.
I'm struggling to cope with the loss of a good man because of the BPD I couldn't control.
I had to lose him to realize I still needed to work on my BPD. I thought I was okay because I wasn't triggered by anyone and lived a life for myself before we dated. It's like a tool I have to keep applying onto myself because THAT IS WHAT I NEED TO DO for someone who has my issues. I cannot assume I am okay just because I FEEL okay. These are skills that need to be set so when I do feel my symptoms rise, I know what skills to pull out of my tool box and apply it. To regulate my emotions.
When I questioned my brother if my ex loves me. My brother said "he broke up with you BECAUSE he loves you. He saw you were destroying yourself"
When I asked my brother how to cope losing a good man, he said "you may have lost a good man. But he lost a good woman"
That made me feel better in ways I couldn't imagine. My brother is the king of turning a negative into a positive.
I still feel pain, mourning, and loss.
I wanted it to be him. I didn't want him to turn into a lesson.
TLDR: I have BPD. I couldn't get ahold of my emotions and stopped living for myself. He was a lesson to for me to realize I am still needing to work on my BPD. I struggle to cope with losing him.
Hello everyone. I hope you're doing well.
This is long and I hope someone out there is willing to read it and lend me their time because I need it. I feel so alone and lost.
First I'd like to share that I (34F) have BPD. Those who have it understand, those who don't have it may not understand. This disorder has made my relationships suffer. All of them, including this one.
My friend (27M) and I started dating about 2 months ago. Known him for 8 years, talked on and off as friends. There was always something between us but the timing was never right until I made the decision to tell him I had feelings for him.
One thing led to another and we became a couple. It started off great, healthy. Beautiful. We finally got to share each other that lie dormant throughout the years. Grateful to know that we both were in good positions to date despite the distance (hes in the military still within the states).
Here comes the creeping BPD and I will do my best to explain everything without turning this into a whole novel. Each moment I had an episode of insecurity, abandonment issues, anger, and feelings of emotional intensity that was disregulated it quietly pushed him away.
His ability to stay strong and to understand me was there until he couldn't anymore.
He broke up with me this past Saturday and I haven't really eaten or slept. Yesterday I was able to eat solid food but couldn't eat too much I had to stay on liquids. The first day I hadn't slept in 30+ hours.
The rug was pulled from under me. I didnt know he felt so trapped and so cornered that he didn't talk to me about anything before breaking up with me. There was no discussion of "hey this is how im feeling and its not good. Can we try to talk it out and find a solution?" No. It turned into his thoughts passing a line of no return; he had his mind set.
I asked if he wanted this and he said that he felt it was right, that it was necessary. It wasnt about wanting it. We had foundational issues.
-I wasnt proactive in taking care of my debt. I have a lot of debt. He was trying to help me and wanted to budget with me and he budgeted so he COULD help me take it on but I kept on buying and spending.
-I stopped living for myself and made a lot of decisions based on what I think hed want or what I felt would keep him from ever leaving (like not going to the gym so we could spend more time together. That was not a good sign to him)
-I was taking my emotions out on him.
-he couldn't decide if he wanted children or not. I couldnt just accept he was okay with not having a hard yes or no. I dont want children and I felt I needed an answer. He mentioned he was okay with not having kids when we first started dating and wasnt really leaning more towards one or the other. Felt he was okay with being an uncle and he had his own kids (he educates children from a hobby of his). I wish I had just accepted that.
-he became uncertain of the distance after the instability I had about it all and it caused him to feel the same uncertainty that this would even work.
There's probably more but I was too distraught to even really hear it all, but i understand what I must do for myself.
He even mentioned that who knows we might end up together again. Fatal flaw to plant that seed in my head. When i mentioned it and told him to not give me that kind of hope. He said it wasn't about hoping or waiting for him, but you just never know what could happen. Still that seed is in my head and it's been watered a bit.
We established in the beginning that we would remain friends if things didnt work out. Sure enough he brought that up. At first i couldnt fathom the idea. I needed to block and disappear, then I became warm to it because he IS my friend. I've known him for almost a decade. We remained in each other's lives.
Had I handled my emotions better. Had I handled my finances better and took proactive measures to clear my heavy debt. Had I been doing things for myself. This may not have happened.
Had I took his words at face value rather than a suspect thought, I think we would have been fine. The only issue we would have had really was the distance.
I had a vice grip around the relationship because I was afraid he would leave. He was good to me. He wanted to make sure I was okay. He remembered little details about me. He really made me wanna step up my game. Instead I couldn't regulate my emotions and dumped it on him and unintentionally made him the reason for my problems. Like he was the bad guy even if he wasn't directly the problem.
To go on and on is my curse because I do have so much to say.
I am hurting.
I am in pain.
I regret.
I'm struggling to cope with the loss of a good man because of the BPD I couldn't control.
I had to lose him to realize I still needed to work on my BPD. I thought I was okay because I wasn't triggered by anyone and lived a life for myself before we dated. It's like a tool I have to keep applying onto myself because THAT IS WHAT I NEED TO DO for someone who has my issues. I cannot assume I am okay just because I FEEL okay. These are skills that need to be set so when I do feel my symptoms rise, I know what skills to pull out of my tool box and apply it. To regulate my emotions.
When I questioned my brother if my ex loves me. My brother said "he broke up with you BECAUSE he loves you. He saw you were destroying yourself"
When I asked my brother how to cope losing a good man, he said "you may have lost a good man. But he lost a good woman"
That made me feel better in ways I couldn't imagine. My brother is the king of turning a negative into a positive.
I still feel pain, mourning, and loss.
I wanted it to be him. I didn't want him to turn into a lesson.
TLDR: I have BPD. I couldn't get ahold of my emotions and stopped living for myself. He was a lesson to for me to realize I am still needing to work on my BPD. I struggle to cope with losing him.
Title basically.
I've been trying to figure this out for some time and I can't figure out why it's doing this. Auto clipping feature detects my voice when I laugh, but there are moments where I want to clip moments where I'm locked in.
How do I get this to work again?