u/Common_Sea6288

my partner (Black) and I (white) were watching survivor. one of the players is getting called out for taking his food for granted and not eating all of his chicken off the bone. my partner said it's not his fault because "that's just how white people eat chicken". i investigated this comment and found out that I too, depending on my level of hunger, eat chicken wrong. this is legit the funniest thing ever to me and we've been laughing about it for a minute now. i guess im too scared of the bones 😞 i need to show the chicken who's boss

i identified as bisexual much longer than i've identified as a lesbian. when i was out as bi, I never had any issues interacting with lesbians. and i often felt alienated by bi women around me as none of them actually seemed to care about being queer (it wasn't the best sample of people, i've since met plenty of queer af bi ppl). realizing i was a lesbian was so wonderful. but explained a lot about why I felt so isolated through life. i love my bisexual friends but this feeling is something they do not understand, and not from lack of explanation. and the thousands of bi women going "exactly" on that duhparis video has me feeling super disconnected. maybe it's because i was a lesbian to begin with but while identifying as bi I never felt this disconnected/disheartened by lesbians.

i get that not every bisexual woman is the same. if i were to meet a woman and crush on her, it would be ridiculous to turn her down just bc i found out she was bi. But at this point ive only crushed on lesbians anyway because romantically i think i need that ability to relate with a partner. i love dykes! but a lot of people seem to think that's phobic right now and i'm worried there's something i'm not seeing.

I'm accepting a lot about the ways in which my addiction has changed who I am. I think the biggest thing is that I used to be a caretaker type. I was hard working and I did that for others. I went above and beyond for my friends/partner and thought about them all the time. Then eventually, after my smoking had been out of control for a while, I realized I didn't care anymore. Like, not even a little bit. People used to be what I loved about life but I don't find myself caring/thinking about anyone ever anymore. My friend has a graduation party in a couple of weeks that I just don't care about despite truly wanting to. Has anyone else experienced something like this? I am on day 4 of sobriety right now and the idea that I will just be an apathetic asshole for the rest of my life is really sad to think about.