MIL rented an apartment in our walkable neighborhood to hover, went rogue buying a secret second stroller because she doesn’t like ours, is cozying up to our nanny, and is about to visit for TWO WEEKS. I’m loosing it.
I’m loosing it. Since our baby was born, my MIL has been coming up to visit every two to three weeks. Mind you, that could be nice she generally means well and loves the baby, but she has just been so hard to be around lately. We live in a major city a full plane ride away from her, so how did she solve this "distance" problem?
She decided to rent a whole ass apartment close enough to walk to our place just so she can come over whenever she wants.
There has been tension brewing for the past year, and it’s getting worse by the day. I’ve always felt like she’s trying to low key play the mother role to my baby, but that’s a whole other story. For the past year, she has frequently stepped over boundaries and judged our parenting decisions. A couple of examples:
The Secret Stroller: My husband and I had a detailed conversation with her explaining that she didn’t need to buy a second stroller for her apartment because she can use our primary one. What does she do? She decides she doesn't like our UppaBaby menu stroller, buys a different one anyway, and doesn't tell us. How did we find out? She went out to the zoo with our nanny and sent us a picture of our baby in the fucking stroller she bought behind our backs and apparently told our nanny she "doesn’t like our primary stroller" 🙄.
The Nanny Triangulation: She has gotten way too cozy with our nanny so she can bypass us to get access to the baby. She claims it’s "so she doesn’t bother us while we’re working" to ask if she can tag along with them, but I think it’s pretty weird. They’ve started talking on the phone and staying in touch even when MIL isn't in town. This is a massive boundary issue we haven’t figured out how to fix yet, but I am not okay with it.
And then there was the most recent visit...
We asked her to watch our daughter for a day while we were out. I wrote a brief, normal note on the whiteboard about the foods the baby is trying and a heads-up about a draft in the baby’s room so she could keep an eye on the temperature. Useful into especially when you don’t live in our apartment!
A few days later, she lost her shit and had an argument with my husband about how I "don’t think she’s competent" and am apparently a "helicopter mom" for leaving a written note. WTF?! ALL BC OF THE WHITE BOARD NOTE!
To top it all off, she literally asked my husband if I was "holding séances" because I put up Halloween decorations. (She’s an evangelical Christian who doesn’t celebrate Halloween mind you, she calls my husband’s ex a "witch that’s into witchy devil worship" which she isn't). So I felt like that was kind of a dig.
She left just last week, and now she’s planning to fly right back up and visit again in a week and she’s staying for 10 to 14 days this time 😩.
I am dreading it. Every time she comes, there is manufactured drama, boundary stomping, and passive-aggressive digs, even if her heart is technically in the right place. How do I handle a MIL who literally moved into my neighborhood part-time just to hover? I want to scream.