how shall i proceed with such confusion in life ?
let me explain you the whole situation i am 21 year old boy and i love this girl. we were class mates in school and i loved her since school but i never told her about it in school but we exchanged eyecontacts,fights in class,compitetion on whos got more marks in tests. and when we got passed out from school i went to academy and she went to some other college in another city. i was preparing for jee that is entrance exam in india to get into IITs but i was stuck with her. i lived in hostel had no phone soo when i went home i messaged her and started talking to her witin like 1 2 weeks i told her on chats that i love her and confessed my feeling towards her coz i was listning some roumers that shes with other boy and i was afraid she wont know about my feelings and someone else would take her , when i confessed her she didnt gave me imidiate answer, at this time i was preparing for JEE and she told me why cant we be as friends as like we are now and not complicate things but i inseted her on giving me the clear answer but she never gave one at that time. soo i would go to hostel and wait to come home for festivals and then talk to her on chats. she believed in me more than anyone and alsways motivated me to do more. time passed i could do well in JEE, i couldnt get into great college, still we are talking on chats i have not 21M
met her for likr 5 years now, we got into constant arguments now on chats she told me that she loves me BUT WE CANT HAVE ANY FUTURE COZ OF HER FAMILY CONDITIONS AND SHE DONT HAVE ANY RIGHTS TO DECIDE HER FUTURE, then i broke up and left chats at this time i got very emotionally depressed and stressed i again messaged her and we chat and things continued and now i dont know where i am with her and what shall i do as this is the only girl i ever felt in love with. now i am in engeneering college about to pass the engeneering and i am constaly checking on her her spotify playsits her profile picture her photos in my phone, she gosts me noe but she dosnt say anything like dont message me and like that things but she replies to my texts late , we dont even chat more often now like in 2 3 moths once we talk.
I keep going back and forth in my head between wanting to try to fix things and thinking that maybe I need to accept what happened and move on. I don’t know whether I should reach out, have another conversation, give it time, create distance, or completely let go. There are moments when I feel like I should fight for the relationship, and other moments when I feel like I’m only hurting myself by continuing to hope.
The hardest part is that I don’t know whether she is actually supposed to be part of my future or whether I’m just holding on because I’m emotionally attached and don’t want to let go. At the same time, I’m trying to figure out my own life. I want to become educated, financially stable, build something meaningful for myself, and actually make something out of the next few years of my life. But this situation keeps pulling my mind back. I feel stuck between my feelings for her and the life I know I need to build for myself.
For people who have been through something similar: how did you decide whether to keep trying or walk away? How did you finally stop being stuck between hope and acceptance? And if you chose to move on, what actually helped you rebuild your life and stop constantly thinking about the person?
I’d really appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have been in a similar situation. I’m trying to figure out what the healthiest and wisest thing to do from here