u/Complex_Singer8386

So I am 20F going on a date with my bestfriend of 3 years(20M). We both had seen our teenage phases and trust each other alot.

I never really considered him as a romantic interest as I know I was a coward and might not be able to convince my parents so I only had crush phases and no real relationship.

I didn't want to spoil my friendship with him before so we stayed as friends. I worked a bit on myself and completely lost trust in arranged marriages and decided to move out and not give af to my family anymore soo I wanted to date for real this time with marriage in mind.

I listed out a few qualities I had in my mind for my future husband and after reading them, I suddenly thought of him and it felt like I was describing him.

We already planned to meet this month anyways so I asked him to go on a date with me as more than friends.

To discuss if we can actually be good romantic partners for life ( obviously I can trust him as my bestfriend). If this date fails, we can still be bestfriends.

So I want to know any important questions I can ask him before starting dating him for real.

My sister is currently dealing with an ongoing divorce.

I will list some of the things she endured:

- our family is very toxic as my dad is a narcissist and very controlling and caged my mom almost all her life. Which in turn made her reactive abusive.

- my mom and sis never got along and I was 6 yrs younger than my sis so I couldn't understand them as well.

- my sis said my mom was mentally abusive to her, her whole life soo she couldn't rely on anyone

- she failed her +2 so she had to repeat a year and everyone pointed fingers at her and there used to be a lot of fights at home that year 2017

- she used to take that rage out on me so I ended up hating my sis which caused the lack of trust between us

- she got married in the year 2018 a few months before she turned 19. It seemed like it wasn't against her will, but she just got tired of all those marriage proposals and just agreed to some random alliance.

- her father in law is already dead and mil and a brother in law were there. The brother-in-law's wife warned her about the mil but later she herself made my sis life a hell

- her brother-in-law and mil used to taunt her everyday and used to make her skip college and exams so she couldn't clear the backlogs and ended up without her degree

- she attempted multiple times but as an escape and not seriously (her words) but after a miscarriage (because of that family's actions) and a year of not getting pregnant, she found out that her husband cheated.

- but at the same time, the bil got Covid+jaundice and died because of liver damage due to alcohol consumption, and before his death he pleaded my sis not to leave the marriage.(2021)

- I already knew my sister's husband is a jerk as he misbehaved with me in 2019 ( I was 13) but couldn't tell anyone as I thought no one would believe and my sis said she was happy with him

- in 2024, she told my mom and another lady from my family about his affair and some of their actions. But my mom being scared of log kya kehenge after divorce, couldn't even dare to mention it, and my sis being afraid of our toxic family said that he is a changed man now

- I came to know a day after that and pleaded my to let her divorce and even told her about my incident, but she was too tense and apparently didn't listen to what I said (I got to know my mom never knew abt it until last month). She successfully made me believe that it will all be good now

- in 2025, my sis came home and revealed all his affairs and he also messaged her to not come back unless she loses her weight, but my parents ended up sending her back because divorce is scarier and he will change as they talked to him.

- a few months back, my sis and that guy got into a fight as she didn't return by the date they agreed and she revealed most of the things she went through and declared that she wants a divorce.

- he used to force her (marital rape) even when she said no during her pregnancies (2 times miscarriage)

Now the real drama:

- everyone supported her first, then tried to solve their issues

- this uncle who pretended to be good will person, told her she would become a burden and my marriage will be effected. Thankfully she stood on her ground and wanted a divorce firmly

- after some drama, they all agreed for divorce and her health problems were revealed: pcod, fatty liver, thyroid ,fibroids, uterus issues and dead tissues and was prescribed an year of monthly treatment and regular mess after a surgical procedure.

- my mom's drama increased as her brain is now entirely occupied on "what will her future be now" and started watching randome yt doctors advices.

- she taunts her continuously with: not waking up early, eating on time, sleeping on bed all day, phone addiction, not sleeping at night time until past midnight, not helping her with chores, not setting her whole life in one go

- I tried to stop and instead my mom tried to attempt suicide and didn't talk to me for a week and my sis had to intervene again and I apologised my mom and just gave up

- my mom talks to everyone on phone about her situation and how she doesn't get up and spoiling her own health.

- my sis copes her tendencies with anger which just makes home more hellish to herself.

- I react defensively whenever someone yells or raises their voice at me and even my mom just tells me slowly to help her chores or massage her feet as I will cry uncontrollably and I hate it too.. so I unknowingly yelled back at my sis multiple times which made her feel like no one supports her

- I did apologise to her every time and I am controlling myself better these days

- Today, she just broke down infront of me telling me all these things (maybe also because of mother's day), I don't have most of my childhood memories so it was like listening to some stranger's family.

She said that she wants to get back her gold and money from that family (which our parents gave) and get the divorce and then die peacefully.

She says this is what she says to herself everyday just to live until the divorce.

She is not interested in doing a job or study or anything else, she says she cant successfully cut this family off and that she doesn't even want to try living as she never truly had a home or a life outside of troubles.

I asked her to go for therapy but she says she doesn't want to and that therapy costs top much and she doesn't want to spend our parents money as they won't spend it wholeheartedly anyways. And that you can never heal from where you got hurt.

She says she is too far away from healing and she doesn't have any hope for life. She just wants peace.

I said, we could cut this family off, and we can live together in a different city as soon as I get a job (I graduated btech this month), but she says that I can't handle her and asked she's also dealing with health issues, she has too many expenses and as a fresher I won't be able to deal with them.

Idk what to do honestly. One good thing is, atleast she gave herself a time limit until this divorce which will take atleast an year, so I may be able to figure something out. I honestly can't lose her.

Sorry for the long post but I needed to let it out.

NQT exam date: 1st April

Interview date: 21st April

Region: Hyderabad Deccan Park

Role: Prime

The interview was mid but at the time of the interview I had 2 backlogs and I mentioned that I am awaiting results for my supply exams.

I finally got the results for my 8th sem and 1 supply exam and I cleared them. 1 supply (NPTEL) result is to be released this week.

The thing is, the hr said it's okay for backlogs as I already gave my exam, but I still didn't get any dv or offer letter mail

I mailed to tcs yesterday that I got my results and that I will send the updated mark list as soon as they are available.

Am I rejected or do I still have a chance?

I don't have any other offers and I am okay with ninja as well.

Soo I have been talking to this guy I liked from my college and we are about to date, and I trusted him so I didn't want to hide anything from him. So I told him about sensitive info from my past (I used to share my nudes when I was 12 cause of depression and this stupid addiction which stopped in a year)

And he asked why are you even telling me this and even said goodbye at first, when I asked if he had a problem with my past, he said he is not interested in dating anyone and then told me about his current sex addiction. I already told him I was saving myself for marriage.

He said it's an addiction to him and he can't change now, and I said he can contact me only if he completely changes and stays loyal to me.

He didn't reply, but the next day I realised he didn't really put any effort from the start and I don't really know anything about him except what he says.

So, I said goodbye and when he asked why, I just said I didn't want to wait for someone who said he will not change. This was yesterday morning.

At around night 11, I got an instagram update on how he took 2 screenshots of our chat (we texted in disappearing chat mode).

Update: he said he took a screenshot by mistake and not intentionally and already deleted it. And that he has no intention of blackmailing me. So I guess it is solved

Soo I have been talking to this guy I liked from my college and we are about to date, and I trusted him so I didn't want to hide anything from him. So I told him about sensitive info from my past (I used to share my nudes when I was 12 cause of depression and this stupid addiction which stopped in a year)

And he asked why are you even telling me this and even said goodbye at first, when I asked if he had a problem with my past, he said he is not interested in dating anyone and then told me about his current sex addiction. I already told him I was saving myself for marriage.

He said it's an addiction to him and he can't change now, and I said he can contact me only if he completely changes and stays loyal to me.

He didn't reply, but the next day I realised he didn't really put any effort from the start and I don't really know anything about him except what he says.

So, I said goodbye and when he asked why, I just said I didn't want to wait for someone who said he will not change. This was yesterday morning.

At around night 11, I got an instagram update on how he took 2 screenshots of our chat (we texted in disappearing chat mode).

He didn't say anything yet, but idk what he'll do, and what should I do if he threatens me to share my secret?

I know I was too delulu and regrets trusting him.

Update: he said he took a screenshot by mistake and even deleted it. I don't really care anymore even if he did share it with his stupid af friends group as I was literally a kid when I did that, while he as an adult is ruining his own life with alcohol and sex addictions. I am moving on from this as he didn't blackmail me as of now.

Okayy soo I am a leo sun and libra moon and he is a gemini sun. I freaking love this guy soo much. The way he smiles, the way he talks, the way he just listens to my nonsense and makes me laugh by picking up silly fights with me and the way he rides his bike!!!

He knew that I got a crush on him since the day we met, and I even revealed it within just 3 days (I've got ADHD and I can't keep my mouth shut) and he said he ain't ready for a relationship yet and told me all about his past. I said it wasn't that serious.. but every time I talked to him, I just fell deeper for him and he knew it and kinda tried to keep distance, but couldn't avoid me as we had to handle some academic work together lol

Anyways, he tried to push me off to his friend who has a crush on me and I kinda got mad at him and he just laughed. He didn't even let me pay for the food I bought at the shop he works at part time.

But in the end, he clarified he didn't move on from his ex and he just started living his life so he told me to wait or move on but even if I waited he might not fall in love with me.

He is just soo charming, kind, respectful, sweet, and caring mannn but the way his face just glows up when he talked about his memories with his ex.. I knew It might really take a while.

The thing is, what if I wait, and he is finally ready, but still think about her? Or what if he just can't move on? FYI He told his friend that he doesn't want to go through it all again after I told him about my crush.

I sent him a long af text on how I will miss him but don't regret meeting him as I was genuinely happy this whole time. Cause I kinda had a hunch that he'll stop talking to me as our college ended and he moved back to his city.

Edit: Thank you guys so much for your comments. I have decided not to wait for him. But honestly, it's gonna take a while for me to actually move on though. But yeah once I have got a job in another city and will be moving out so I'll become busy with my first job and all so I hope he really does move on and quit drinking for his own good even if we don't get into a relationship.