u/Confident_Kitchen555

going for the first time today! it'll be for breakfast/brunch if that matters. so excited!

Hi everyone,

I'm a 22-year-old guy who just graduated college, and I'm moving across the country to California for my first full-time job. It's exciting, but if I'm being honest, I'm also pretty scared.

One piece of this transition that feels especially overwhelming is that I'm gay, and I still don't really know how to navigate that part of my life.

I haven't really "come out" in the sense that a lot of people describe. My family isn't exactly a place where I feel comfortable being open, so for most of my life I've just kept that part of myself private. Nobody from college knows either, as I really only became sure of my sexuality toward the latter end of college.

Now I'm moving somewhere completely new. I'll have a roommate I've never lived with before, new coworkers, and basically an opportunity to start over.

The thing is...I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.

Do I tell my roommate I'm gay? Do I wait until it comes up naturally? Do I never mention it unless someone asks? I don't want it to become "a thing," but I also don't want to feel like I'm hiding who I am.

Beyond that, I honestly don't know how people even find community. I hear people talk about having LGBTQ friends, going to events, joining sports leagues, making chosen family...but I have absolutely no idea where to start. I spent so much of my life focused on school that I never really built those connections.

I guess I'm looking for advice from people who've been through this stage of life.

• How did you decide when (or if) to come out to roommates or coworkers?
• How did you start building a gay friend group or support network in a brand-new city?
• Is there anything you wish someone had told you when you were 22?

I know California is probably one of the better places to figure all of this out, but right now I mostly just feel lost. Excited, definitely. But also anxious and like everyone else somehow got the instruction manual that I missed.

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences. Thanks ❤️

Basically title. Met lots of amazing friends throughout college, however those were mostly all fleeting. I was also very consumed with work and building my career, which I will be starting shortly.

Now having graduated, it feels like I don’t have a “permanent” group. (Group chat, plans every day type thing) I am moving somewhere to start full-time work and there will be familiar faces in the area, yet it doesn’t feel the same.

I didn’t have many friends in HS either. HS was a total shitshow in fact, and being back in my hometown and attending grad parties for neighbors/family friends/etc just reminds me of the social life I never had.

I felt alone when I graduated HS, and I feel alone now, after college.

I’m not sure why these feelings of sadness are hitting so strongly. I just wish I could go back in time and have made a lasting friend group in HS, and a lasting friend group in college to stay with me throughout this next phase of my life. I don’t want to be swamped with regret and sadness, I want to feel excited.

Any comments, advice, etc. is welcome. Thank you for reading.

Basically title. Met lots of amazing friends throughout college, however those were mostly all fleeting. I was also very consumed with work and building my career, which I will be starting shortly.

Now having graduated, it feels like I don’t have a “permanent” group. I am moving somewhere to start full-time work and there will be familiar faces in the area, yet it doesn’t feel the same.

I didn’t have many friends in HS either. HS was a total shitshow in fact, and being back in my hometown and attending grad parties for neighbors/family friends/etc just reminds me of the social life I never had.

I felt alone when I graduated HS, and I feel alone now, after college.

I’m not sure why these feelings of sadness are hitting so strongly. I just wish I could go back in time and have made a lasting friend group in HS, and a lasting friend group in college to stay with me throughout this next phase of my life. I don’t want to be swamped with regret and sadness, I want to feel excited.

Any comments, advice, etc. is welcome. Thank you for reading.

Basically title. Met lots of amazing friends throughout college, however those were mostly all fleeting. I was also very consumed with work and building my career, which I will be starting shortly.

Now having graduated, it feels like I don’t have a “permanent” group. I am moving somewhere to start full-time work and there will be familiar faces in the area, yet it doesn’t feel the same.

I didn’t have many friends in HS either. HS was a total shitshow in fact, and being back in my hometown and attending grad parties for neighbors/family friends/etc just reminds me of the social life I never had.

I felt alone when I graduated HS, and I feel alone now, after college.

I’m not sure why these feelings of sadness are hitting so strongly. I just wish I could go back in time and have made a lasting friend group in HS, and a lasting friend group in college to stay with me throughout this next phase of my life.

I don’t want to be swamped with regret and sadness, I want to feel excited.

Any comments, advice, etc. is welcome. Thank you for reading.