u/CopingJewlery

As a mom, some days are a make cinnamon rolls and frosting and stuff my cake hole with 4 of them to myself day.

This is a post of mostly feelings. I have 2 boys, 20mo. and 3yrs. My oldest has obvious speech delay that I started to take him to speech therapy for a month ago. In the evaluation I was told he is a Gestalt Language Learner so I've been diving into that to try learn how to best help my son along with speech therapy. And although in even just 1 month I've seen progress, I'm always feeling like I'm not doing enough.

My 20mo. old son is a lot more interactive and demanding of attention and going into the toddler phase where I feel like I'm constantly correcting and teaching him emotional regulation and boundaries. In doing this, I feel like my 3 year old gets sidelined and I don't have as much interaction with him or am being interrupted by my 20mo old.

I've even started trying to have 1 on 1 time with my 3 year old to connect and work on language but I'm never consistent. I try to go to parks where he can interact with other kids but hardly anyone is at parks when i go or just a bunch of older kids who dont want to play with a little kid. I go to church so he gets play time in the nursery, and i try to meet up with church friends but theyre always busy. I dont have any other friends with kids, my famiky is all in other states, and we dont make enough for preschool or childrens museums or daycares that many kids go to. I am planning to start taking my kids to an interactive play time my library holds for my kids ages once a week.

My husband has ASD1 and an Autism evaluation for my 3 year old is on the horizon and I'm constantly looking for signs in my 3 year old because I'm honestly terrified of him actually having autism because the idea of having a husband and son with ASD1 would just break my spirit in a way of no return. I know speech therapy and language improvement isn't always linear but i just dont know what normal progress for my 3 yr old looks like. His speech therapist is somewhat encouraging but it's more just teaching me what to work on with my son for the next week, and I don't expect to get much encouragement or progress evaluation since it's only been a month.

Am I putting too much pressure on myself and holding myself to too high of a standard? Or do my feelings of I'm not doing enough have any validity?

The story of Lazarus (John 11:1-44)

For a long time, I thought that story was about a miracle

Until I realized it's also about the silence of God.

Because Jesus deeply loved Lazarus

And even then when everything started falling apart, He waited

And maybe that is exactly where alot of us are right now

[Praying]

Waiting

[Waiting]

Trying to understand why heaven feels so silent

When we need God the most

Marry kept waiting

Every sound outside the house felt like it could be the moment Jesus finally arrived

But the hours turned into tears and hope slowly started fading

And the same voice that healed strangers in the street seemed silent then

Martha tried to keep her faith alive but grief filled every corner of that house

Because it's hard to understand the goodness of God when He doesn't respond the way we hoped He would

[And maybe that's exactly where]

Some of us are living now

[Trying to pray]

Through broken hope watching dreamed we begged God to protect slowly being buried

(CHORUS)

But heaven is not absent just because it's quiet

And God is not late just because we cry

Because sometimes love waits a little longer outside the tomb not to destroy us but to reveal something greater

And maybe what feels like abandonment is heaven preparing resurection

Jesus finally stood before the tomb

Four days too late in human eyes

And Mathra said words most of us have whispered in some way

'Lord, if you had been here, none of this would have happened'

And honestly I've said the same thing too

If you had come sooner maybe my life wouldn't have fallen apart

Maybe anxiety wouldn't have stollen so many years

Maybe I wouldn't feel this lost inside

[We all carry hidden ruins]

Places where hope stopped breathing

[But the same God that stood before Lazarus tomb]

Still walks toward broken things and

[He's not afraid]

Of the storms we've already accepted as permanent

(CHORUS)

And before Jesus called Lazarus out

He wept

Which means He felt every tear in that place

Every disappointment, every moment of confusion

So if heaven feels silent right now

That does not mean he stopped loving you

Sometimes the God who could have stopped the funeral

Still allows the grieving

Because resurection would reveal His Glory in a way healing alone never could

So when I stand in front of everything

I thought was gone forever

Teach my heart to trust you even in the silence

Because no tomb is too dark for the voice of God to enter

And evenndead things rise again when Jesus calls them by name

Maybe He didn't abandon you

[Maybe]

He was preparing a resurection

[No one would ever forget]

No one would ever forget

Song: IF YOU HAD BEEN HERE… by Vikings Of Christ

Background:

I met my husband at a charismatic church that he and his parents had gone to for 16 years, and we had to leave a handful of years ago for some deeply concerning theological beliefs they had along with finding out that they are a NAR church, which i didnt know anything about at the time of initially going there and meeting my now husband. I'm not against charismatic church or beliefs as long as they stay biblical, but after attending for 2 years and getting more involved, I saw more and more beliefs I strongly disagreed with, especially after diving deeply into and comparing their beliefs with God's word: (Women as pastors, If you have enough faith God will heal you all the time, emphasis on tongues, gifts, works and wonders as evidence of a higher endowment of the holy spirit, and more recently cult-like indoctrination parenting techniques that are overboard controlling and many more).

Since leaving with my husband over 3 years ago and having kids I have kept up on watching the old church sermons and events held and video recorded online to keep in the loop of what my in-laws believe and may be influenced by. I pray for my In-laws a lot and work hard to find unity in what we do agree with Biblically in Christ.

The more I'm in a Biblical church, the more I see grievous problems with the church they are in. And I'm becoming increasingly concerned of the NAR/ cult-like/ spiritually abusive teachings.

They are not bad people. They have good morals. I'm concerned about their influence over my children as they grow. Even though my kids are young (3 & 1.5), my in-laws are very pushy in "helping me raise my kids" by "teaching them how to play right" (telling them over and over again 'no no put that here, press that button, do it this way, not that). My in-laws are always trying to get me and my husband "back into the faith" and I just don't know if they would teach or do anything behind my back when they are watching my kids without me there.

I was hoping to be able to drop my kids off at my In-laws (they live 15 min away) so my husband and I could have date nights and a fun anniversaries in the future.....but I just don't have peace with it. My parents aren't an option as they live 6 hours away and my other family are all in other states.

BUT here is what I'm asking advise for...

Am I overthinking and my concern unfounded on how much influence they have over my kids? OR do I need to be extra vigilant to mitigate what my in-laws may be trying to teach my kids? Has anyone else had in-laws or family that is in the NAR or a cult? How do you approach interaction and relationship dynamics with family and/or in-laws that are potentially in a cult?

Background:

I met my husband at a charismatic church that he and his parents had gone to for 16 years, and we had to leave a handful of years ago for some deeply concerning theological beliefs they had. I'm not against charismatic church or beliefs, they just had a couple specific beliefs we strongly disagreed with after diving deeply into God's word.

Since leaving and having kids I have kept up on watching their sermons and events held and video recorded on line. I pray for my In-laws a lot and work hard to find unity in what we do agree with in Christ.

The more I'm in a Biblical church, the more I see grievous problems with the church they are in. And I'm becoming increasingly more convinced that they are in a Christian Cult.

They are not bad people. They have good morals. I'm concerned about their influence over my children as they grow. Even though my kids are young (3 & 1.5), my in-laws are very pushy in "helping me raise my kids" by "teaching them how to play right" and I recently watched a parenting conference they had at their church that is screaming cult indoctrination parenting, that they encourage grandparents to also do to their grandchildren. My in-laws are always trying to get me and my husband "back into the faith".

I was hoping to be able to drop my kids off at my In-laws (they live 15 min away) so my husband and I could have date nights and a fun anniversaries in the future.....but I just don't have peace with it. My parents aren't an option as they live 6 hours away and my other family are all in other states.

BUT here is what I'm asking advise for...

Am I overthinking and my concern unfounded on how much influence they have over my kids? OR do I need to be extra vigilant to mitigate what my in-laws may be trying to teach my kids? Has anyone else had in-laws or family that is in a cult? How do you approach interaction and relationship dynamics with family and/or in-laws that are potentially in a cult?

I'm struggling right now with my body image and wondering, how do moms do it? How do some of you get your fit body back?

I struggled with body image ever since middle school and depression piggy backed on my "I'm not pretty enough to be loved" thoughts. In late high school I played water pool, hiked and was a lifeguard so I got super fit. I got to a place where I was really happy.

I'm 5 feet tall with a stalky muscular figure. My super fit body was 130-135lbs. In college and when I initially got married I hovered around the 140lbs range because I wasn't constantly active like in HS. I was content with my life style and body.

When I got pregnant I expected the weight gain ans body changed. At the end of both of my pregnancies I topped out at 170lbs. My first pregnancy I was back down to 140lbs 9 months after birth. But now, 18 months after giving birth to my second baby, I'm stuck at 160lbs. Exercise doesn't feel good anymore, the good feeling aches that use to come with exercise present themselves as headaches and ouch arm and back aches that make it really hard to be happy when taking care of my 2 very active boys.

I know what it's like to be fit, I know how to work out safe, and I feel like my goal of 140lbs isn't unreasonable. I just feel so stuck and I don't know how to start in a way that I keep exercise going consistently enough to create a different habbit and lifestyle than I have right now.

How did you deal with body changes? And how did you find the line of 'this is what it is' and 'suck it up and do what you need to do to loose weight' even if it feels bad?