u/Countingsheeptosleep

43 [F4M] - Texas - Arkansas - Louisiana -Oklahoma

Never married, never had kids, and tried poly for the first time over the last 12 months (meaning I was focused on and monogamous to an ENM/poly guy for the last 12 months).

I’m not curvy, I’m only average in appearance, I’m NOT a gamer, and I’m not a nerd, so click out of this if those are barriers to your word that starts with an S attraction. We both need to have sufficient attraction to each other though obviously.

I’m a calm, quieter albeit friendly, responsible, contemplative, perceptive, analytical, experience-seeking (in a healthy way), think about things deeply and thoroughly when I am interested in something, and not funny but find humor in many things person. I'm the person people are quick to believe they have correctly sized up, but I'm also chronically misestimated and underestimated. I'm into astrology (not horoscopes), so I place importance on looking into a person's birth chart as a supportive but not exclusively definitive tool to help determine compatibility for the sake of saving time and energy spent on a person on the front end. It is hard for me to maintain focus and interest talking to prospects online unless it seems promising and faster moving. If we are mutually approving of the connection and still communicating after a week, I’ll want to meet you within a month. Otherwise, my interest will vaporize quickly. Words on a screen only do so much for me. Once the connection is solidified and determined to be worthwhile though, I can stay in the equation via words on a screen as long as we are seeing each other at least once a month.

What I need in a relationship is emotional security of the attachment between us within the relationship dynamic. So, I need it to be a consistently “secure attachment” which is a responsibility of both parties to ensure. If you are constantly looking for and needing new and novel women as a way of life or as a way of feeling alive, and/or if you are secretive in what you are up to outside of our dynamic (meaning maintaining an unnecessary amount of secrecy from me, and/or secretly skirting the previously agreed to rules between you and your other partners), don’t DM me. Yes I realize this is a poly subreddit and I'm not saying you can't have other partners. But I'm telling you what the nature and quality of our connection has to be.

In addition to the security of the attachment between us needing to be solid and consistent, I need someone who mentally stimulates me to a sufficient degree. You won’t necessarily know on the front end if you fit that for me, so I’ll have to determine that. I don’t mean I need Einstein, and this doesn’t mean you have to entertain me, as I’m not entertaining either, but it means there needs to be enough substance to the communication that my mind can thrive sufficiently. By substance I don't mean everything has to be deep, but I'm not the type of person who can enjoy being with and staying with a person just because they are nice. Yes, I want them to be a good human being who treats me with respect and makes me feel loved or else I'll bail, but there's got to be a mental benefit beyond that due to my wiring.

Additionally, I need someone who won’t smother me, try to control me/my beliefs/my actions; I need freedom of thought and action in how I live my life and the decisions I make. However, freedom and exploration for me does not equate to lots of word that starts with an S partners. I need mental stimulation, not a buffet of bodies*.* I’m also enthusiastically disinterested in picking up any viruses. By that I mean the thrill of bodily interaction does not outweigh the recognition and realism of the substantial risk.

What I like to do for fun- we can talk about that over DM if you decide to reach out.

If you want someone who will seek to love you with all their heart, show you love in every way they know how, who will crave meaningful time and conversation with you, who will want to build you up, who will crave YOU and need quality word that starts with an S time together, and who will want to enjoy experiencing life with you when you aren’t with your other women, hit me up. But if you are primarily into thrill seeking and being focused on searching for word that starts with an S variety, I’m not a good prospect for you. If you want to feel peace, to feel valued, and hopefully have a meaningful and not shallow word that starts with an S connection, DM me. Obviously natural chemistry plays a big part in whether there's enough there, too. Lastly, if you are actively "looking for" women in their 20's to be a part of your smorgasbord, please do not contact me.

I know I've spent a lot of time trying to get you to understand that I don't want a guy who is unhealthily focused on word that starts with an S as it relates to variety, so this is where I do want to clarify that word that starts with an S is very important to me, asI found out by seeing the first and so far only poly guy. That was basically like a state of word that starts with an S awakening for me. But the worthwhile mental and emotional foundation and pieces have to be in place for me, or else I'm not physically or mentally interested in shallow based lust.

I DO realize I will not get a lot of bites from this, but I don't want to waste my time on short lived conversation after this post, so I would rather be honest and clear as a screening tool, even if unfruitful in results. I'm very busy, have a lot of civic and occupational commitments in my life, and wasted, fleeting conversations aren't high on my list.

If one of your relationship partners who is age 40 says to you:

“I’ve realized that I’ve missed out on experiences that guys take for granted by my not ever having been with a young woman, and since you and my other partners are all around my age or older, I want to try to find a woman in her early 20’s in order to get to have the experiences I’m not able to have with you and my other partners due to your ages. I want to see what the hype is all about. I’ve only ever dated women in their 30’s through 60’s, so I want to try women in their 20’s. But don’t worry, I’m not planning to get rid of any of you because the sex is still good and I still like who you are as a person.”

But in this scenario, it isn’t about me, it is about you and your partner. Does the above make you feel:

Good/Happy/Excited?
Neutral/You Don’t Care?
Bad/Sad?

For context, I’m 43, and he has been my first ever and only poly partner. Additionally, he knows, because I’ve mentioned it repeatedly since we met a year ago, that I perceive I’ve lost and continue to lose my value to society and to men due to my age, and that I’m not able to attract men around my age anymore because they mostly want younger women. Then, I saw where he posted on Reddit 8 months later seeking an age gap relationship telling everyone in the post that he thinks he has missed out and wonders if he continues to miss out on experiences due to the ages of his partners. I asked him if he is referring to younger women having bodies that can perform better sexually and his response is maybe, but that he doesn’t know since he has not had a young woman before, and that it could be a variety of things that he is missing out on.

43 [F4M] In Person for Texas, Arkansas, Louisiana, Oklahoma

- age 43 F seeking M in the four states area, unless you live elsewhere and have money to fly me to see you.

Edit #1 after posting post:
lol- I realized after I got my first and so far only message, that I didn’t adequately get my point across since when I asked the first person to message me what they liked most about my post, they said the part where I mentioned discussing STD’s at the bottom and they asked me how recently I “made out”..??. Lol.. let me make this clear since I failed to do so in my post. I’m a bit of a sapiosexual, to some degree at least.

-This is a long post, so here’s the short version:
Average looking middle aged woman who has a calm, quieter personality type seeking an enjoyable, unique, blissful and authentic connection with adventure, depth, variety of conversations, kindness, fun, and sincere, steady love.

-I’ve learned recently that I want to exchange photos upfront so that we can refrain from wasting time and hope if there is not a viable enough attraction, and because I’ve gotten more attuned recently in being able to tell from a photo, to some degree, about the person or about the prospect of chemistry. I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m saying that for whatever reason, seeing a photo helps me to pick on up on something at times. Make of that whatever you will.

-I will know if I’ve found what I’m looking for based on how the person makes me feel, and that’s not based on anything you can or can’t do, that will only be from a natural kind of chemistry and connection that I can’t put into words. Maybe you understand. (: So, natural chemistry is very important to me. That is going to play a big part in whether I want a relationship with a person. Items on a list only do so much for me, but maybe that is true for everyone.

-I’m a Taurus zodiac Sun sign (I like & place some degree of importance into birth charts- not the daily horoscopes)

-I am a spiritual person, which I realize means different things to different people.

-I’m single and have never been married.

-I have no kids. Never found anyone to have kids with, then found out about potential fertility issues last fall.

-My body is not curvy, and I’m only average looking. And as you know, aging women show more aging and that will only get worse, not better. I don’t have money for all the expensive treatments women get these days. I’m not saying some of you may not find me attractive. Some will find me attractive “enough” and some won’t. Likewise, I’ve got to have sufficient physical attraction to you too for bedroom activity, so it understandably goes both ways. But I do consider myself to be average.

-I’m NOT nerdy, geeky, a gamer, or a true intellectual. I’m sorry to disappoint since I see so many seeking those aspects in their posts.

-I’m laid back/relaxed/chilled out in my demeanor and persona, but I do experience anxiety and worry.

-I am not funny but I do enjoy finding the humor in things. So it isn’t like I don’t laugh, but I don’t say anything funny that I’m aware of.

-I never smoke anything and I occasionally drink.

-If you are drawn to a person who is frequent high energy, bubbly, talkative, has to constantly be active and productive, while I respect those qualities, that isn’t me. I works one to find a fountain of youth and a fountain of energy.

-I am responsible though, and I do like to take on challenges that will facilitate growth for myself.

-I chose to do work for a living that is about significant purpose and designed to foster meaningful and important growth for struggling people, so I don’t make a lot of money.

-I love to travel, but that is usually limited for me due to time and money.

-I’m contemplative, analytical, interested in the “why’s and how’s”, mix of introvert and extrovert, intuitive, simple yet complicated, accommodating, interested in recognizing and supporting the feelings and well being of others. I need realistic hope and future options in life about things to look forward to in order to feel positive enough about life. I am careful and extra thoughtful about larger purchases. I expect myself to be perfect and understanding of all information at hand in whatever I take on - not a good thing all the time, am working on trying to accept that I don’t have to be perfect or perfectly thorough to get something accomplished to a reasonably sufficient degree.

-I have an overwhelmingly strong desire to have an important spiritual purpose for being on this planet, and I also really want to matter to at least a few people. I wish a mundane existence was enough for me, but it doesn’t seem to be how I’m wired.

-I know everyone is replaceable in their jobs. I’m hoping I can find a partner who doesn’t view me as being replaceable and interchangeable in the way that people are in jobs though.

-I am a pretty straight forward person and have a strong need to know where I stand with people I care about and people I report to.

-I don’t have a lot of well developed hobbies, so I apologize if you are looking for that. I do like adventure here and there when able.

-Activities I’ve tried that I enjoy- hiking, kayaking, flea markets and antiquing, card games, movies of course, traveling as previously stated, snorkeling, swimming, volunteering.

-Activities I’ve tried that I either didn’t like or could take or leave it- fishing, drawing, painting, sewing, writing poetry or fiction, gaming.

-Activities I haven’t tried but I want to try soon- how to do a variety of home improvement projects in my house, branching out into listening to more podcasts/youtubers. I only watch a few lately.

-It is important to me that you are reasonably intelligent, take care of yourself to a reasonable degree, not a promiscuous person, are empathetic, are not particularly superficial, are not selfish in the bedroom, make wise and fair decisions in life, are ethical, are emotionally stable and fairly emotionally consistent, are not a secretive person by nature (meaning you aren’t the type who lies to people or has a strong need to lie to have your cake and eat it too), are not lazy, and are not bad at handling your finances. Mistakes happen, and the economy has made it hard. But I want someone with the ability to be wise, exercise discipline and learn from their past mistakes. At our age, taking care of your body is important too, and being active when able.

-If you primarily like horror movies, that won’t work for me. I like them fine, but not as a staple.

-If you haven’t figured out how to overcome ED, that won’t work for me either.

-I will require honesty about STD’s and test results if we get to that point. Key phrase “if we get to that point”.

-If you made it to the bottom it this and are interested enough to send me a message, please do so. Thales

[removed]

-age 43

-I’m keeping my options open as far as polyamory versus a single relationship. So I’m posting in both.

-Natural chemistry is very important to me. That is going to play a big part in whether I want a relationship with a person. Items on a list only do so much for me, but maybe that is true for everyone.

-I’m a Taurus zodiac Sun sign (I like & place some degree of importance into birth charts- not the daily horoscopes)

-I am a spiritual person, which I realize means different things to different people.

-I’m single (no partners) and have never been married.

-I have no kids. Never found anyone to have kids with, then found out about fertility issues last fall.

-My body is not curvy, and I’m only average looking. And as you know, aging women show more aging and that will only get worse, not better. I don’t have money for all the expensive treatments women get these days. I’m not saying some of you may not find me attractive. Some will find me attractive “enough” and some won’t. Likewise, I’ve got to have sufficient physical attraction to you too for bedroom activity, so it understandably goes both ways. But I do consider myself to be average.

-I’m not nerdy, geeky, a gamer, or a true intellectual. I’m sorry to disappoint since I see so many seeking those aspects in their posts.

-I’m laid back/relaxed/chilled out in my demeanor and persona, but I do experience anxiety and worry.

-I never smoke anything and I occasionally drink.

-If you are drawn to a person who is frequent high energy, bubbly, talkative, has to constantly be active and productive, while I respect those qualities, that isn’t me.

-I am responsible though, and I do like to take on challenges that will facilitate growth for myself.

-I chose to do work for a living that is about significant purpose and designed to foster meaningful and important growth for struggling people, so I don’t make a lot of money.

-I love to travel, but that is usually limited for me due to the point above.

-I’m contemplative, analytical, interested in the “why’s and how’s”, mix of introvert and extrovert, intuitive, simple yet complicated, accommodating, interested in recognizing and supporting the feelings and well being of others. I need realistic hope and future options in life about things to look forward to in order to feel positive enough about life. I am careful and extra thoughtful about larger purchases. I expect myself to be perfect and understanding of all information at hand in whatever I take on - not a good thing all the time, am working on trying to accept that I don’t have to be perfect or perfectly thorough to get something accomplished to a reasonably sufficient degree.

-I have an overwhelmingly strong desire to have an important spiritual purpose for being on this planet, and I also really want to matter to at least a few people. Even though I know that the premise of poly is that no one person is any more important than any other people, I don’t want to be in a situation where I either don’t understand specifically what I’m bringing to the table, or in a situation where I’m only bringing limited and superficial things compared to other women in the dynamic. I don’t want to feel or be used. I know everyone is replaceable in their jobs. I’m hoping I can find a partner who doesn’t view me as being replaceable and interchangeable in the way that people are in jobs.

-I am a pretty straight forward person and have a strong need to know where I stand with people I care about.

-I don’t have a lot of well developed hobbies, so I apologize if you are looking for that. I do like adventure here and there when able.

-Activities I’ve tried that I enjoy- hiking, kayaking, flea markets and antiquing, card games, movies of course, traveling as previously stated, snorkeling, swimming, volunteering.

-Activities I’ve tried that I either didn’t like or could take or leave it- fishing, drawing, painting, sewing, writing poetry or fiction, gaming.

-Activities I haven’t tried but I want to try soon- how to do a variety of home improvement projects in my house, branching out into listening to more podcasts/youtubers. I only watch a few lately.

-It is important to me that you are reasonably intelligent, take care of yourself to a reasonable degree, not a promiscuous person, are empathetic, are not particularly superficial, are not selfish in the bedroom, make wise and fair decisions in life, are ethical, are emotionally stable and fairly emotionally consistent, are not a secretive person by nature (meaning you aren’t the type who lies to people or has a strong need to lie to have your cake and eat it too), are not lazy, and are not bad with your finances.

-If you primarily like horror movies, that won’t work for me.

-If you haven’t figured out how to overcome ED, that won’t work for me either.

-I will require honesty about STD’s and test results of we get to that point.