u/Crazy-Speech-5437

Not at all advice, I just wanted to share some positive experience I've had. Been on 150mg XL for maybe 9 months now. I know the rules say to mention the manufacturer but honestly my pharmacy's given me different ones all the time. Currently it's MFG Lupin, american. I actually do think I prefer that manufacturer, weird as it sounds.

I told my psych NP recently about how I'm always extremely depressed during luteal phase (before my period) and she prescribed me to take 300mg XL for that time, and 150mg XL the rest of the month. It's only been one month but it actually worked well. My whole life I never had to track my period because I would slowly grow depressed and then one day hate everyone around me and myself, and even lash out at everyone around me. Then the next day I'd get it.

But when I took it as prescribed I actually didn't have this! I did still get the depression the first few days of luteal as that's when I knew to start taking the higher dose, so I don't think it'd started working yet. I think when I work out a consistent schedule it'll be more seamless. My NP said that we could also try other meds more usually used for PMDD along with the bupropion, but this med is the only one that's ever worked for me so that's why we're trying this.

Just thought I'd share, thanks for reading!

EDIT: Upon checking my history, it was actually my FIFTH time trying! I genuinely don't remember haha, but I was definitely deferred for hemoglobin that time as well.

I'm so happy!! This story is kind of pointless, but I have no one else to tell 😅 I'm sure it's tame compared to other stories.

I tried donating two times in the last two years and got turned away for low hemoglobin both times. Since treating my thyroid disorder (previously undiagnosed), I went back last week and passed that part! My problem was, I had no idea there was a heart rate requirement. My heart rate was 113, then 103 when they tried again. It needs to be under 100 to donate there. So I was deferred for a third time.

My family is so weirded out by why I keep trying, but I'm honestly just stubborn at this point. I want to help people, and I can't lie; I really want to know my blood type. My sibling is O- but has never donated. Which is great for two reasons. It means there's a chance I'm O-, which would be great! But also, if I'm not even a universal donor and start donating, maybe that'll make them try to, even if it's just out of being competitive.

I went again today just hoping my heart rate would somehow be lower. It's not really an anxiety thing; for context. I mean, I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm already assuming it'll be high, but that's not the main thing. When I stand up or sit straight (or kneel...) my heart rate always jumps way up, and my vision cuts out sometimes. I have brought this up to doctors and they just say it's probably a blood pressure thing and as long as it's not while I'm driving or anything, it's normal. So I am not dying or anything haha, to clarify!

I even made my appointment right in the morning so I could even take my ADHD meds after, to see if that would help any, since stimulants can raise heart rate. So I'm in the waiting room and I'm googling "how to lower heart rate" and it tells me to cough, since that apparently does something that makes your heart rate go down. I get called back, and I'm thinking like "Okay, I'll cough, but somehow make it natural, so they don't think I'm sick or anything."

The nurse asks me a question and before answering, I channel my C+ high school theater skills and aim for a casual, "Just clearing my throat"-type cough. I kid you not, my entire vision goes to stars/static 😭 I literally almost sighed out loud, because of course.

Anyway, she takes my blood pressure (which takes heart rate at the same time) and I am feeling so chill. I'm not anxious at all, because I figure that-- placebo effect or not-- I believe not taking my meds will lower my heart rate, so it will. My heart rate was 99. They defer you if it's over 100. I can't believe it was that close.

They take me back and prep my arm which takes awhile, and then finally when the needle is in the nurse tells me that I have a hematoma and she has to stop. 😭 I didn't even know what that meant honestly, but I looked down and there was a huge pocket of blood in my arm. She asks me if I even want to try the other arm and I'm like, yes!! It's fine! I've been here an hour and you have no idea how many times I've tried this, please do it lmao.

Meanwhile, something happened right in front of me during all this, and I felt so bad for everyone involved. I guess one of the machines was showing an error code (I think for platelet donation?) and got messed up midway into someone's donation, so they had to leave. But after they left, something happened while the nurse was trying to fix the machine and the blood started flowing through it. Her face when it happened, I felt so so bad for her. She said the machine was contaminated and they couldn't use any of it, had to have like biohazard people clean it out or something. I'm not sure and definitely am not confident I heard that right at all. I don't even know how platelet donation works, so this might all be wrong, but whatever happened I feel terrible both for the person who donated and the poor nurse.

Another nurse took over to do my other arm, and the donation went by totally smoothly. I still can't straighten the arm that got the hematoma because I think there's still blood in there and it hurts, but weirdly enough the arm they actually took blood from feels totally fine. I felt a bit lightheaded afterward, but nothing noteworthy.

Anyway, all that story aside, I am so glad that I kept trying!! This might not be too crazy of a first donation story, but it felt crazy to me haha. Hey, though, at least I got a Hello Kitty keychain. Thanks for reading, and y'all are awesome!

Another edit: Turns out I am O-! :)

I can't find it online, sorry if this is asked all the time. It was my third time being deferred over the past couple years but the first time I've managed to pass the hemoglobin thing. My pulse was 113 then 102 so they sent me away, but I said I didn't need the paper (whoops) so I don't know for how long. It sucks because my pulse is goes to like 140 when I stand up for literally no reason so I don't know what to do to fix it since it's really not an anxiety thing! It is what it is :')

Asking about Red Cross in the USA. Thank you!

I'm wondering if anyone else here gets this thing randomly where when you crack one hand's knuckles they get inflamed-feeling and swell mildly? I crack my knuckles all day every day so it's not really consistent, and it's not from cracking them harder than normal or anything. Swelling usually goes away over the next day. Not asking for medical advice, I'm fine, just wondering if anyone else gets this. Or if you get it from cracking any other joints either, probably the same sort of thing

Just wanted to share this as I'm reeling. Not asking for medical advice at all, just sharing context. I've been having joint pain in hands/elbows/fingers/toes/ankles/knees/etc. for around 7 months. I was terrified it was RA or something, (not saying it isn't! Definitely better safe than sorry, I will make sure it's ruled out) but then found out about hypermobility.

I was shocked because I can do almost all of the things on the test, and more. I was looking at my fingers where the middle joint bends backwards and showed my mom, saying "I think I have hypermobility. This isn't normal, is it?"

She said "Nah, looks normal to me. Mine are like that." And showed me.

I kind of went well damn, not that then. A few days passed, and today I went back to her and said "Are you sure you just don't have hypermobility?"

She immediately said no, she doesn't have that. She's not in pain, she's "normal", etc. Then I explained more about what it was, and she said "Well, I did pop my knee out of its socket backwards a few years ago. Just sat down and when I stood back up it went back into place. Also, last week my knee bent too far backwards while walking and it hurt and swelled up. And, I always keep my knees bent slightly so they don't go too far back."

When I say I was speechless I don't think that even explains it enough. My poor mom also has other things that are apparently comorbidities like scoliosis. Again, not saying she has hypermobility or self-diagnosing her, but I was very shocked it's a possibility.

Anyway, I'm waiting for a call about my rheumatology referral but nobody in my whole state knows about hypermobility it seems (except exactly 2 pediatritians a hundred miles away.) So I doubt I'll be given any diagnosis, and I'm very scared I'll just be told It's anxiety again. But thought I'd share this here as I don't have anyone else to tell. My mom is one tough lady I'll tell you that-- I'm over here barely being able to walk, but she's straight up had her knee sublux/dislocate (?) and went about her life!

Hello, I am asking my doctor tomorrow if my symptoms I've been having all year could be hypermobility and POTS (another of my doctors suggested to look into this) and I have two questions.

1 - Do you get pain in joints that aren't hypermobile? As in, if someone has visible hypermobility in, say, elbows, hands, etc. but none in their knees, could they still get knee pain from the same cause as their pain in those areas?

2 - How can you differentiate between being hypermobile and just having stretched and become flexible? I'm not talking about with markers like elbows going backward. Things like "Have you ever been able to do the splits?" or the marker about making your thumb touch your arm. I have been able to do the splits, but because as a child I stretched every day until I could. Same thing with the thumb-arm test- as a kid I could only do it on one side, so I kept stretching my other wrist/hand until I could do it on both. I'm of course not actually asking about myself, or actual medical advice, just asking if the markers still apply if you basically did it to yourself?

Thanks all!

I always used the individual disposable wipes, but figured they're awful for the environment so made a post (elsewhere) asking this. Pretty much everyone told me that those are actually really bad and scratch your lenses. And a ton of them told me the only way they get theirs clean is water and dish soap, then paper towels. I did that one time and now my whole lenses are covered in tiny little dot scratches, it's like seeing through a grain filter. They were very cheap lenses for context, but I never even noticed scratches before. Had to get new ones

So of course like ten mins after I do that I get a comment saying how bad dish soap and paper towels are. I figure no matter what I'm safe with my microfiber cloth since that's like the softest thing ever. But after searching here I found a really popular post that said to never ever use a dry microfiber cloth, except for emergencies. What can I use? Is the only safe way to use a spray bottle with a microfiber cloth? Like everyone I know just wipes them on their shirt, and they don't seem to get scratches. My optometrist never mentioned it and I didn't think to ask as I've had glasses for 10 years or so, but only recently started wearing them all the time.

Advice appreciated

Hi, so the title sounds wild but this happened a few years ago so it's not a big deal right now. I'd completely forgotten about this until I logged into my labcorp account

Basically, in 2020 I was only 15 so I went to the doctor at the same time as my mom. She had/has hashimoto's disease. I (as far as I know) did not at the time.

My(?) TSH came back at 35.660! My T4 was 0.83. I was never told anything about them, or that anything was wrong. I remember when my mom and I looked at our results, my mom just said they must have mixed our up because hers was in range (though afaik it had been already as she'd been in treatment for years.)

My next TSH test in 2022 came back as 1.6. It was only this year I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism/put on levo, and my TSH was only 4.23. (I know that's still too high but I mean compared to 35.)

From what I know, I'll have to be on levo for the rest of my life. So it would literally be impossible for my TSH to go from 35.6 to 1.6 in 2 years, right?

Thing is, I was deeply depressed and had gained a bunch of weight in 2020, actually feeling pretty similar to how I felt before getting DXed w/ hypo this year, but I mean- it was covid lockdown. A lot of people did. There was reason to be depressed.

So, can TSH go from 35 to 1.6 in 2 years with no treatment? Or is my mom right, and this was just a mix-up as our blood tests were taken within the same hour?

Sorry if this is a weird question for this sub, as it really shouldn't matter to me now, but it bothers me for some reason.

Not asking about myself personally of course. I'm not diagnosed with RA. Asking if this is medically true.

My PCP told me today she wasn't sure what my hand/finger/thumb/wrist joint pain could be, then said possibly gout but she didn't feel any nodes, and then said possibly Rheumatoid Arthritis but that would be in all my joints, not just my fingers/hands.

I of course was relieved to hear that as I hope it's something simple and easily fixable, but I had thought that different people got it in different places. Is it usually in all joints? Or in all joints but at different times?

Not asking if *mine* is of course, wondering if anyone has experienced this.

So I have GAD, for context.

Earlier this year I was having terrible heart palpitations and chest pain, but doctors found nothing and I was told it was anxiety. I honestly think it was, as they've gotten a lot better since I was told that at least I'm not going to die/have a heart attack. I think I probably had some palpitations from anemia (which I have?) or something, and then my anxiety made them worse/caused more and that was the main problem.

Then a few months ago I started getting these awful headaches, always on the same side and they can last even 8+ hours. (still have these.) I went to the doctor for them because I thought there were migraine meds to prevent them so I wouldn't have to take painkillers, but they told me that migraines have to have auras and since I don't get auras they're from anxiety, "tension/stress" headaches. So nothing they could do.

About the last three weeks I've been getting pain in all of my finger joints, and thumb joint, and in the last week it's gotten so severe that I have trouble focusing on anything else and need to use a heating pad and not let my hands be still for long, as it's worse when I don't move for awhile.

It's even moved up to my wrist joint a bit, not nearly as bad as the fingers/knuckles at all. Both the hands. This morning I knocked my meds off my bedside table because my hand wouldn't cooperate to grasp it for some reason.

I figured it was just from the cold (it's cold where I am), but it's never been this bad before. Now I've convinced myself I have rheumatoid arthritis, of course, because I already have hypothyroidism which apparently is common with RA.

I literally have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, but my fear is that this is all just anxiety. I was complaining of it before I even googled/webMD and found out about RA, but it's gotten so much worse in the last week. I'm worried this is all now me being a hypochondriac (I'm not DXed with health anxiety, I do not mean to offend anyone at all) and it's in my head, like the palpitations and headaches. Because I don't have any visible swelling or redness.

I still made the appointment because I figure I'd rather look crazy than let my joints get damaged if on the extreme off chance I have RA or something like that. But I seriously am anxious they're going to put 'health anxiety' or even 'munchausen's' or something in my chart because of me basically causing my own problems, and then if I ever actually do have something horribly wrong they'll never believe me. Like a "cried wolf" situation.

My family says that while heart palpitations could definitely be caused by anxiety (which is true), they don't see how hand/wrist joint pain could be. But I've read about people having even visible rashes from mass hysteria/similar, so I really do think it's going to turn out to be that...

I'm not looking for anyone to just say "oh you're not crazy, don't worry" or "it's definitely just anxiety, don't worry" because that's just reassurance seeking and is bad of course. I really just want to know if anxiety can cause such severe joint pain. That anyone here's experienced.

Thank you, if anyone read this <3

Love bupropion, but the dry mouth. I take concerta, too, so I feel like I have double dry mouth.

I drink water constantly. It's not even better during the act of drinking water. Well, maybe a bit, but instantly horrible again.

I can't sing anymore! I mean, I couldn't sing before, but now I can't even sing badly. I used to love singing showtunes on drives, but now it literally is painful maybe a minute in and then is painful for the rest of the day. Been on this for months and months btw, so not something that's gonna go away on its own.

So water doesn't help, I don't want to be sucking on candy/gum all day, even sugar free, because again it doesn't help and also I just don't. Anyone have any tips/things that have worked out?

I hope this is allowed, I'm just happy about it, but if it's not allowed I totally get it.

Anyway, I thought this was going to be really awkward and maybe they wouldn't believe I'm disabled, but it was the opposite! They were so nice. I've never had accommodations in my life. I thought it was going to be some debate/argument or something about whether I actually needed things or not. Nope!

All I had to do was fill out a form, then provide a letter from my psychiatrist saying what I have, why that affects me academically, and what possible accommodations could be. I was honestly most worried about that because I felt so awkward asking my psychiatrist for that. But what she sent was clearly a template she had ready for any patients that asked for this, just with my specific diagnoses and accommodations relating to them swapped in. Which is much better to me. She actually sent it within the hour I messaged about it, so it clearly only took a few minutes, which is reassuring.

I have never had accommodations my whole life. Now I can do all quizzes and exams in the separate testing room, get double time (I did not expect that but I really need it!) for them, and can wear noise-cancelling headphones for them! Even the online less important quizzes that are done at home- I can schedule to take them there and get double time!

They are also going to see if they can get approval to give me their accommodation for extended assignment times (2 days extra), which is so unexpected to me. Because usually that's for like chronic illnesses, like if you're having a flare or in the hospital or something. But I get really bad depressive episodes and even had to withdraw last semester from it, so it'd be for that, not ADHD/ASD. I thought surely I would've had to have been hospitalized or something to get this, but they said since it's specifically mentioned on my psychiatrist's letter and it's clearly so bad I had to withdraw that I might/probably get approved! Of course if I do I hope I never need to use it, but it'd be so nice to know it's there.

I figure I'll put the other accommodations I could've gotten here as well in case it helps anyone!!

- Permission to record lectures (this doesn't help me)

- Permission to take breaks during exams (I can already go get water/to the bathroom when testing separately so I don't need this)

- Priority seating (Might be useful at some schools but at least in my college it's not applicable; you just get there early and pick whatever seat you want)

- Consideration for reduced course-load (This means that you could take less than 12 credit hours and still be considered full-time, which is a requirement for certain financial aid, scholarships, housing, and some other things.)

Anyway, I'm just super excited that everyone there was so friendly and I actually got accommodations!!

So basically since the end of last year I've been out of breath/dizzy/lightheaded standing up, had racing heartbeat for no reason, and in like march I started getting chest pains. A couple months ago I started getting horrible headaches that last up to 10 hours. At around the same time I started having horrible sore mouth (??, not sore throat because it doesn't get worse when I swallow or anything.)

I went into my NP's office and they did a heart monitor, apparently found nothing but wouldn't give me the actual numbers/results, and EKG (same thing, won't let me see it. But being fair I would have no idea what any of it means anyway.)

When the headaches started I went in again because I hate that I have to take painkillers at least half of the days in a week. I know that's not healthy. I told my NP I have one sided headpain that lasts hours and makes me noise and light sensitive, and I used the word migraine as I assumed that's what it was since it lasted so long.

He told me that that's not a migraine as migraines are one-sided (which is what I said?) and HAVE to have 'auras', such as seeing light or hearing ringing, which I've never had. He said what I was having were just stress headaches from anxiety, and that all my symptoms were from anxiety and my ADHD medication, which he told me to 'just stop taking'. He took my heartrate and it was elevated because I was upset and he said are you anxious right now? And I said no, I am not. He wrote in the visit summary, "patient very anxious today."

So I've still been having all this for a month or more since, until in the last week I noticed that I was shedding more hair than usual. I checked my head and to me it looked like I could actually see my scalp more, which freaked me out as I am only 21 and the women in my family only usually get thinning hair at menopause. So I googled it and found anemia could cause that, AND all my other symptoms

I checked my bloodwork from back in January and found it says my MCH is 26 when normal range is 27-33, and my MCHC is 31.2 when normal range is 32-36. My MCV was normal 83.4, but the little 'info' area says that if one or more of those tests are low, it may indicate anemia. My NP never mentioned these results to me... and that was back in January, before the symptoms got really bad, so I wonder if the numbers are actually bad now, instead of just slightly off...

I'm trying to get a new doctor because I feel horrible every time I leave an appointment but in the meantime is there harm to just trying iron supplements?

This was way back of course, but she told us you don't need to use the accent for the word "él" if it's the beginning of a sentence- as in, capitalized. I did that for the whole year.

Anyway, a decade later and I'm a spanish minor now. So I know that's just... not true? I've never heard anyone say anything even similar to that. Is there somewhere this came from that she maybe misinterpreted? I just don't know where this came from and I've always been curious why she told us this. I genuinely believed this until like freshman year high school when I got marked off for it.

She wasn't referring to the word "the," by the way, she specifically was talking about "Él" as in "he."

[Also, I don't need anyone to comment just to tell me this isn't true. I am very well-aware, as stated.]

I have no clue how long I've had hypothyroidism as I went a few years without a doctor but I'm guessing about two years. Found out/started treatment 6 months ago. I was never told anything from my doctor about it, what causes it, etc. I actually only found out I had it because I got a new prescription notification and googled what the med was for. I've never been told what symptoms this can cause or anything. I wasn't told not to eat for a bit after my med or any of that, nothing about anything. Of course I know I can read the instructions and google it, so that's not a big deal.

This is going to sound really stupid but I didn't know I'd have to take this med for the rest of my life until someone taking my blood mentioned how 'I'll need regular blood draws forever'. Then she said "since (I) have a thyroid disorder." I didn't know I had a thyroid disorder. I didn't know hypothyroidism was a disorder. I guess I thought once my TSH went back down I'd be fine? I sound really uninformed and unintelligent typing this but I genuinely didn't know. I know I can google these things so maybe I'm in the wrong but I wish my doctor said any of this to me. I'm looking for a new one right now due to that and other reasons

Anyway, my mom has Hashimoto's disease. So she pretty much tells me I have it too, because I have a parent with it and it's the most common cause of hypothyroidism. But I haven't been told anything about that by a doctor and I know not everyone with hypothyroidism has Hashimoto's. I had a thyroid ultrasound but I wasn't given the results or pictures in my portal and really was never told anything about it. Neither my hypothyroidism or the medication has ever been mentioned verbally to me except by that person doing my blood draw.

They probably would've seen the typical signs of Hashimoto's in the ultrasound, I think? But I don't know if they would've told me. When my mom got diagnosed her doctor had her come in in-person and like sat her down and told her, like it was a big deal and she even said "I'm sorry". So I assume I definitely don't have it, at least as of right now, as I would've been told?

I don't know if it even matters, if the treatment's the exact same. Sorry if this is a dumb question, thanks!

Been on bupropion 150mg since march.

Had been on strattera for ADHD for 3 months and it made me so depressed I couldn't leave my bed until I was too depressed to refill my prescription and felt better two days into not taking it. Anyway, immediately got off it when I realized and got put on bupropion.

I'd previously tried lexapro at multiple doses as a teen which did nothing, literally could've been a sugar pill. Nothing bad, nothing good, nothing. Got moved to zoloft- same thing. Nothing bad, nothing good, nothing. I was only ~13 when I was told I "maxxed out" and couldn't go up on the zoloft pill (complete lie. I was only on 50mg. I have no idea why my doctor told me this.) So being a depressed teen I thought all antidepressants were SSRIs and since I'd tried two none would do anything anyway. Was prescribed it through high school but took it very sporadically, to again no effect.

Eventually just stopped taking it, no withdrawal or anything because again, it had no effect on me. When I got a psychiatrist for the first time I only went in for ADHD meds, having decided that antidepressants don't work for me.

So after the strattera sent me so far down, I started bupropion. My doc said it was good for people with ADHD in particular, and that it wasn't an SSRI. I am uneducated I know, but that was the first time I'd ever heard of an antidepressant that wasn't an SSRI.

Long story short, worked in the first 1-2 weeks. That was major for me. As a teen on zoloft/lexapro my doctors would always tell me that it would be 4-6 weeks for it to even work. To a kid that feels no hope at all, that is an indescribably long time.

About a week and a half into taking it, I was driving home (I left my house!) and literally missed my turn because I was mouth-agape smiling and waving at a flock of cows in a field by the road. Not joking.

It's been 4.5 months now and I have had a few days in the last bit where I felt depressed. Nothing like before. Honestly, if I went from 10/10 levels of depression to 0 completely I would be kind of worried. My doc offered to go up to 300mg and I think I might in the fall/winter, as I get really bad seasonal in the early months of the year.

I was worried about getting tolerant to it and that's why I didn't want to go up, as this is the only thing that's ever worked for me. But my doc said there's still a ways to go before that, and there are even folks who take their dose as two pills a day. She also said that apparently there's another antidepressant that's kind of meant for people who got to the highest dose of bupropion and couldn't go higher. I have no idea. But what I got was, it'll be fine.

Anyway, peace and love to everyone else on this and to anyone who's starting or considering it!

[Should mention, I'm also on Concerta 36mg for ADHD since april. Works great but the concerta/bupropion mix gives me the worst dry mouth ever. Totally worth it.]

My most noticeable change now that I've been on it for a few months and the initial "wow" has worn off a bit: I can do ONE thing at once.

I used to need at two to three things. If I was watching TV, I'd also need to be reading something on my laptop, doing something on my phone, or knitting/crocheting/etc. with my hands. I would get up to go switch out laundry (after days of it sitting in the wash and having to rewash it of course) and need a youtube video playing. I sound like an adult iPad kid, but hopefully y'all get it.

About a month ago I got really into editing Genius lyrics and one day I spent the entire day, literally the entire day, reading through wikipedia articles and even finding unique sources to do research for annotations so I could explain the historically accurate references in a musical song. With nothing else. It was silent. Silent.

I'm writing this post right now in silence! I actually had to PAUSE my TV show because I devote all my focus into one thing now. I cannot wait for fall semester to start so I can see what it's like to be able to pay attention in class.

[ADHD-C, started on 27mg in March, been on 36mg since April. I take it every day with no breaks. Also taking bupropion 150mg]

I tried to get a contacts prescription years ago as a teenager but I literally couldn't fit them into my eyes. They told me that to send me home with contacts they needed to watch me put them in and take them out twice. Which makes sense to me.

I have small eyes. I tried for about 20 minutes and even used eyedrops many times, many ways, to get one into my eye and couldn't do it. I'm not squeamish about touching my eyes at all- I would get the bottom in but couldn't get the bottom and top in at the same time since I had to stretch the eye open so much either up or down and couldn't do both at once. I couldn't just put the whole contact in at once flat because my eyelids literally had to be pried open to get even half of it in. I tried it with the little plastic tool, without it, tried the thing where you put the bottom part in and flip the rest into your eye: Nope. Nada.

For reference if I held up the contact next to my eye it's bigger than the eye by a lot- like if I held the bottom of the contact to the bottom of my eye, the top would go up to my eyebrow.

The optician who was supposed to be showing me how told me that she couldn't put them in her eyes either. Then she told me to watch a tik tok, and when I said I didn't have tik tok she had no further advice :')

Then she told me to go home and order costume contacts on the internet until I could get them in and come back but make sure to ask for her (...so she could get the commission...) Meanwhile the eye doctor had just told me never to order contacts online, even actual legit ones with the prescription I was supposed to get.

Needless to say I've never tried again. Actually, I just remembered that I did try the costume contacts thing a year later. I figured if I got an infection/disease/injury or something at least I could point at the optician who told me to do it lmao. Of course now as an adult I'd never stick a random online contact in my eye. Anyway, I couldn't even fit them in without the pressure of anyone watching. I've never seen my face clearly without glasses on! I know for a fact people with way smaller eyes wear contacts fine.

Is there any way to solve this? I kind of figured they made contacts in different sizes, because some people have HUGE eyes and some have very small, but that optician told me they're all the same. I guess thinking about it everyone's pupils are probably the same size. I don't know. I just want to see.

This is mostly a vent, I guess. If this isn't allowed, I'll post somewhere else, and apologies if it isn't.

I went back to my hometown and visited the restaurant I worked at in high school/after graduating. I had no idea what I was feeling the whole time; I was happy to see one of my old coworkers, anxious about how they'd perceive me now. But I didn't know how I felt about visiting my hometown or the restaurant after 2/3 years away.

I was saying a quick goodbye to my old boss that I have very mixed feelings for. He used to put his hands on my waist when I was 16/17, gossiped about me being in relationships or having sex with other coworkers when I didn't, asked me if I knew what specific slang for having sex was (I was at least 18 for that one), knew/possibly engaged when other coworkers were saying bad things about me when I was 16 and didn't know, often passed out drunk, used an inappropriate nickname for 16 year old employee referencing her boobs, and more. He once sent a photo of the real dead body (In the casket) of his relative at his funeral on the work chat without warning. He let my 17-year-old coworker give him money from her tips when the register was short once, even though it wasn't her fault.

But he was also kind to me, made sure I didn't leave without food for dinner, made sure none of the female employees left without someone watching when there were bad men outside, and worked over 75 hours a week basically holding the place together while the owner worked maybe 5-15. He lit ground fireworks outside on 4th of Julys when we had to work and couldn't watch the real ones. He made me laugh; he helped me sometimes when I got overwhelmed and messed up.

People are really morally grey, you know? I wish I could say he's a bad person, or a good one. All the bad stuff sounds horrible when listed like that, and it is. But that was over 3+ years. Most days were okay, or even good. I'm thinking about it now, and honestly.. I think he served kind of a father figure role for me between 16-19, not that he knew. I have a dad and even lived with him at the time but my parents were going through a divorce, and he was shouting a lot and we never really spoke to each other ever anyway. This is all very TMI, I'm sorry. I don't really have anyone to tell this to.

When I went to say, "(Name)? Just- I'm heading out now, so wanted to say goodbye," he looked at me and said something like okay but it seemed like he wanted to say more, just didn't know what to say. He asked how I was doing, if I was working anywhere. I told him that no, I'm just in college now. And my voice broke on "college," I teared up. I told him to tell another coworker who wasn't there that I said hi; he said he would. When I left I had to make myself stop crying before seeing other people.

I think what frustrated me is I don't know why I cried. I wasn't feeling anything during this interaction, besides maybe anxiety about if I was interrupting him. I had no idea I was upset, if I was. I don't know if I was sad because I missed working there, or because I missed him. Because I missed my other coworker, or I missed the town itself. Because my teens are over, because life moves on? I didn't even know I was sad at all.

I don't know if anyone can relate to this; I hope so. In most cases, I'll start crying and I can pretty easily guess why; if I'd just heard a friend passed away, or a bunch of things had gone wrong in a day and it was too much; or I heard really good news. But this situation was just too complex, and it's frustrating to me that I will never know how I felt/feel about it. It's hard going through life not knowing what exactly makes you happy (although that one is much easier for me, thankfully) and what exactly pains you-- or that you're even feeling pain. Thank you for reading.

Sorry for the phrasing, I don't like how it sounds but don't know how to phrase it. Sorry if this post sounds ignorant or disrespectful, I feel very unwell and am waiting for my western blot test so I am not a good proofreader right now.

I've deleted most of my post as I think I broke a rule. So I'll just say my question, because I genuinely do not understand. And this is not me being negative about these specialists, I know they can really help people. My question is, why are the only doctors (in my entire state, personally) that treat/specialize in Lyme alternative/homeopathic/natural medicine doctors? Usually you're able to choose between traditional medicine and alternative for most conditions/diseases, no? I don't have a choice, it seems? I'm struggling to understand why Lyme is different from other diseases. Thanks

edit: I found the post about Lyme controversies linked in the FAQ, currently reading!