u/Crazy_Initiative2815

I am in my 20s and became friends with a dude my age at work. We share the same opinions on most things, as well as our humor and taste. I have been vocal with how I despise that one RnB singer who was convicted of assaulting his then gf who now owns a billion dollar beauty brand.

Last Christmas, turns out he got me for our Secret Santa. What did I get? A tshirt of said singer. I had to open it infront of the whole team who definitely found it funny. I did get what I wrote on my wishlist but he could've just spent the money getting the other items on my list instead of wasting money on something he knows I will hate.

During my farewell party, he took the initiative of being the DJ and played songs from said artist. He definitely found it funny how I could just smile and brush it off.

At what point is it more than a joke?

I am over a quarter of a year in on my new company as an offshore designer for a retail brand overseas. I came from designing for an events and marketing company, so my then managers actively look at the amount of projects each designers have done each quarter to help assess performance.

My new work requires me to design products, create tech packs, packaging, as well as retouch photos. Our projects come in phases in a span of a year. The first few months would be conceptualization and development, the next would be prototyping, the following would be production and marketing then deployment. It takes a full year of work to release the whole collection.

Recently, I had a conversation with my manager. I was asked why I uploaded copies of all of my outputs on a folder she created for me in our shared work server. I explained to her that it's a way for me to keep track of how much I have contributed so far.

She disapproved and said "I don't look at the numbers, what's important is if I say you give it to me tomorrow and you do." and "I'm the one that feeds you work so there's no need to keep track". She promptly deleted my copies after.

Now, I am at a loss. If number don't mean anything, then how do I prove my productivity?

For context, I am in a somewhat siloed work set up with my manager. I only talk to her on the daily and rarely collaborate with the other designers on the team.

I am getting confused with how my bestfriend has been acting lately. I recently posted on here about how she had a big reaction when I told her about the extra steps I took on being safe when I was out alone drinking for the first time. She told me I was being paranoid and being too safe, and that if something happened to me I could just report it.

Here are other incidents that were eyebrow raising:

- We were out for late night dinner when we were approached by a highschool aged girl asking for directions on how to get home. At the time, it is known that you will have to pass through a shady part of town to get in and out of the place.

I asked the girl if it's possible for her to ride a motorcycle taxi so she can get home quick. But she said that she has no jacket or shirt to cover herself up with as she was wearing a short dress (it was cold). My bestfriend chimed in and said "don't cover up, you shouldn't adjust to men!"

-Will take a week to reply to me, but I can see memes she's sharing online in real time

-Asked me to enable to "seen" mode on our chat so she knows when I read her messages. She says she hates when the guys she talks to leave her inboxed, and would prefer that they put her on seen instead.

-Says that we are doing fun activities together for the sake of posting it online

-Neglected to share with me that she had her first serious boyfriend, only told me 3 years after they broke up. We had been in constant communication in those 3 years. When asked about it, she told me that her other friends knew about the guy but didn't know all of the details.

-Will message me she has tea to spill and I need to know about it urgently. But when asked about it, she says I should meet her in person and only then will she tell me.

-If I meet with her and ask her about said tea, she'll say "I'll tell you later". She would wait until its midnight and her tea will be the "main act" of the night.

I'm 25f. In the past few years, I had a rough experience with friendships. I learned that no one from my former friend group reached out to me when I stopped reaching out to them first.

I formed friendships from my old work but discovered that our department is a tight knit community that if one knows about a juicy information about the other, then the rest will probably know too. So I kept them at bay - so much so that I've only shared my social media to a handful of them. It felt risky to trust them with personal stories.

One of my bestfriends kept giving me excuses when I try to make plans to hangout so I pulled away. Now, I feel like I'm outgrowing my other bestfriend. She says things that I don't align with, but I have nothing but love for the both of them.

Recently, I've started at a new job and I'm glad to have made a new friend. Our conversations flow easily and I feel at ease being more open with her. It made me realize how long its been since I've had a good deep chat with someone close to my age.

My life consists of work, gym, and bonding with my parents and sibling. As thankful as I am to have those privileges, I find myself longing to be a part of a group. Where I can send memes, organize hangouts, give and receive support whenever it's needed.

I'm getting tired of bringing myself to "solo dates". Work has taken over my life recently and I feel like I'm getting crankier by the day.

Kind advice is appreciated. Thanks.

I'm 25f. In the past few years, I had a rough experience with friendships. I learned that no one from my former friend group reached out to me when I stopped reaching out to them first.

I formed friendships from my old work but discovered that our department is a tight knit community that if one knows about a juicy information about the other, then the rest will probably know too. So I kept them at bay - so much so that I've only shared my social media to a handful of them. It felt risky to trust them with personal stories.

One of my bestfriends kept giving me excuses when I try to make plans to hangout so I pulled away. Now, I feel like I'm outgrowing my other bestfriend. She says things that I don't align with, but I have nothing but love for the both of them.

Recently, I've started at a new job and I'm glad to have made a new friend. Our conversations flow easily and I feel at ease being more open with her. It made me realize how long its been since I've had a good deep chat with someone close to my age.

My life consists of work, gym, and bonding with my parents and sibling. As thankful as I am to have those privileges, I find myself longing to be a part of a group. Where I can send memes, organize hangouts, give and receive support whenever it's needed.

I'm getting tired of bringing myself to "solo dates". Work has taken over my life recently and I feel like I'm getting crankier by the day.

Kind advice is appreciated. Thanks.

I am the only offshore creative working for an Australian brand under a Brazilian immigrant boss. She has been working for the company for 1 year now. I have noticed some unusual things with how she runs the team.

- Is bubbly and upbeat toward her white counterparts, but cold and non chalant towards me.

Eg:

Me: Hi let me know if I got this right?

Her: no its wrong

White Counterparts: sends an update

Her: Oh that's so great to hear! I'm so happy for you 🫶🏻🫶🏻

- Does not want me to keep track of how many outputs I've done so far. Says that she "doesn't look at the numbers, what matters is if I tell you to give it to me tomorrow and you do it"

- Declined when I proposed a task tracker, we have no system to monitor tasks.

- Would use all caps on me

- Says that it's too much work if I send her a M.O.M and ask her to approve it to avoid miscommunication. Prefers to hop on a call with me to verbally tell me.

- Will put crucial instructions on a folder name, but did not tell me about it when she discussed said folder on a call.

-Told me to "figure it out" when I asked for help on something.

I'm hoping that all of these are just due to her not having English as her native language. I can't help but look at her communication style towards me and compare it to how their white employees talk to me. They are all warm yet straightforward but the way she talks to me is the complete opposite.

I am the only offshore creative working for an Australian brand under a Brazilian immigrant boss. She has been working for the company for 1 year now. I have noticed some unusual things with how she runs the team.

- Is bubbly and upbeat toward her white counterparts, but cold and non chalant towards me.

Eg:

Me: Hi let me know if I got this right?

Her: no its wrong

White Counterparts: sends an update

Her: Oh that's so great to hear! I'm so happy for you 🫶🏻🫶🏻

-Does not want me to keep track of how many outputs I've done so far. Says that she "doesn't look at the numbers, what matters is if I tell you to give it to me tomorrow and you do it"

-Declined when I proposed a task tracker, we have no system to monitor tasks.

- Would use all caps on me

-Says that it's too much work if I send her a M.O.M and ask her to approve it to avoid miscommunication. Prefers to hop on a call with me to verbally tell me.

-Will put crucial instructions on a folder name, but did not tell me about it when she discussed said folder on a call.

-Told me to "figure it out" when I asked for help on something.

I'm hoping that all of these are just due to her not having English as her native language. I can't help but look at her communication style towards me and compare it to how their white employees talk to me. They are all warm yet straightforward but the way she talks to me is the complete opposite.

I am the only offshore creative working for an Australian brand under a Brazilian immigrant boss. She has been working for the company for 1 year now. I have noticed some unusual things with how she runs the team.

- Is bubbly and upbeat toward her white counterparts, but cold and non chalant towards me.

Eg:

Me: Hi let me know if I got this right?

Her: no its wrong

White Counterparts: sends an update

Her: Oh that's so great to hear! I'm so happy for you 🫶🏻🫶🏻

- Does not want me to keep track of how many outputs I've done so far. Says that she "doesn't look at the numbers, what matters is if I tell you to give it to me tomorrow and you do it"

- Declined when I proposed a task tracker, we have no system to monitor tasks.

- Would use all caps on me

- Says that it's too much work if I send her a M.O.M and ask her to approve it to avoid miscommunication. Prefers to hop on a call with me to verbally tell me.

- Will put crucial instructions on a folder name, but did not tell me about it when she discussed said folder on a call.

-Told me to "figure it out" when I asked for help on something.

I'm hoping that all of these are just due to her not having English as her native language. I can't help but look at her communication style towards me and compare it to how their white employees talk to me. They are all warm yet straightforward but the way she talks to me is the complete opposite.

A while back I decided to, for the first time, go out for drinks by myself. I usually go out to drink with my friends and I was curious to see how I'd fare just by myself. This decision is already a big leap for me as I am very wary of strangers on a daily basis.

I chose a cozy bar located in an area I pass by every day, so I knew how to get around. At the bar counter, I was sat next to an older man that chatted me up. It was all very wholesome and I did not get weird vibes at all. He offered to give his phone number in case I wanted a drinking buddy, since he was a regular at the bar.

As the night ends, I pick out my card ready to pay for my tab. But I suddenly remembered that the man was a regular - and most probably in good terms with the bartender. I made the quick decision to just pay in cash instead, because I didn't know if the receipt would show my name or anything identifying that the bartender could pass on to the man. He was still a stranger after all.

Overall, I had fun and would do it again. I told the entire thing to my bestfriend and she went on a tangent about how I'm too paranoid to the point that I am unable to enjoy myself. She said that should anything happen to me, I could just report it after - and that alone could deter a man from doing something dangerous.

It's hard to hear that from my bestfriend, especially that she knew how it takes time for me to gather courage to do something by myself. The small act of just paying in cash gave me my peace of mind and helped me look back to that experience in a positive light.