u/Curious-Management23

This is a strange scenario, but here we go.

I became a dietitian in 2019. I landed my first job in a home health agency where I went into unsafe situations alone, so I quit after 3 months (mainly diabetic patients and a few renal).

I then got a job at a detention center where I created menus under the NSLP guidelines, created and led all staff food safety trainings, worked a bit with medical (10-20 consults per month), led resident nutrition groups, and worked with local government partners to initiate good food purchasing practices. The food service director (my boss) did not like me and retired a year before I left. The next food service director took it VERY personally that I left only 6 months after he started, but I had finished my masters program and wanted to move into eating disorder work. It wasn’t personal to him. I was there for 5 years.

I then worked at a private practice (outpatient ED) for about 6 months before I had a personal traumatic experience occur. I do not remember quitting because this experience put me into a catatonic depressive state, but apparently I emailed my boss for medical leave and then resigned after being gone for 2 months. I had to receive ECT treatments which essentially erased my memory around the last 6 months from the incident. It also greatly affected my long term memory which I am still working on with neuropsych.

I am extremely nervous to start applying for jobs now that I am healed. I did my online masters program specifically to increase my clinical knowledge and now that information seems to be wiped from my brain due to the side effects of the ECT treatment. I am going to re-read the slides from my masters program presentations and review the text books to help jog my memory.

My main concern is that I did not gain many meaningful connections with my employers in my last few roles, so I don’t know who to put for my references or letters of recommendation. I understand it is my fault for not networking more, but I can’t go back now. I am too embarrassed to ask my last employer because I quit so suddenly and just told them I was having medical issues. It also has been 8 months since I left that job, so I’m not sure how to explain the gap in my resume during interviews.

If you were me, how would you continue to move forward? I’m scared I messed up my professional trajectory and I’m only 32.

Hi,

I am 31 and just reflecting on some comments I’ve heard. One friend told me I complain too much, one said I don’t usually seem happy, another said I make things about myself. One time I was just sitting there doing nothing and someone asked if I was mad at them. Maybe it’s just my face?

I am trying to be more outgoing and happy, but it feels like I’m acting. When we are in a group, I’ll just watch everyone interacting and I feel like I’m an alien trying to figure out how they stay so energized and engaged. I’ve been trying to ask people more questions about themselves and just listen, but I sometimes space out and can’t follow their stories. I struggle with adhd, anxiety, ocd, and depression. I don’t want to use these as excuses. I am in therapy and have done multiple programs to try and lift my depression. I have also tried many types of medication. I also stopped drinking which has made me more socially nervous but I’m sure it’ll pass.

I want to be bubbly and excited about things and have hobbies that I enjoy with others. I’m shy and I like being alone but I hate being lonely. It makes no sense to me.

Does anyone have any advice?

Inside, I FEEL very empathetic toward my friends when something happens. I want to be there for them when things go wrong, but I don’t know how to show it or do validate their feelings. I don’t want to have to ask what they need.

Any tips?

I am 31 right now. I have had anxiety and OCD since I was in middle school. As an unhealthy way to cope, I started binge drinking around age 15. I’ve been on all sorts of meds since then to help with depression. Since college, I’ve had bouts of depression that have caused me to sleep for up to 18 hours straight. I’ve even slept through my friend’s birthday brunches and work. After college, I was diagnosed with ADHD and C-PTSD. Another unhealthy coping mechanism of mine was impulsively dating random guys without putting much serious thought into it.

Anyway, my serious boyfriend (the only one I ever felt serious enough to live with or even consider marrying) cheated on me with one of my best friends. This was in December when I was already in an IOP program for my anxiety and depression (I didn’t realize at the time it was a severe OCD flare). This sent me into a binge-drinking spiral and I had to join AA or I would’ve likely drank myself to death. I’m extremely proud of my (almost) 5 months of sobriety and how far I’ve come. However, my OCD and depression got much worse without any substances to turn my brain off. I had to go to PHP, then inpatient (twice) and now I’m in PHP again (doing ERP therapy) while receiving ECT.

My friends and family say I’ve come a long way since the incident, but I’m fucking EXHAUSTED. I feel like such a burden to everyone around me. I also have massive guilt because I didn’t realize that my friends didn’t like my boyfriend in the first place, so I feel somewhat responsible for introducing this person into their lives and they lost a friend as a result (I know logically it’s not my fault that they both chose to cheat, but it still haunts me). I’m also having OCD thoughts about being a bad person related to all of the stupid things I’ve done while drinking. I want to go through the 12 steps to heal and make amends, but I don’t know how to do that with my OCD at an all time high.

If anyone has dealt with similar anxiety/stress around combating multiple issues at once while trying to go through the steps, please share what has worked for you. I just don’t know where to put my energy at this point.

Thank you.

I am 31 right now. I have had anxiety and OCD since I was in middle school. As an unhealthy way to cope, I started binge drinking around age 15. I’ve been on all sorts of SSRIs and SNRIs since then to help with depression. Since college, I’ve had bouts of depression that have caused me to sleep for up to 18 hours straight. I’ve even slept through my friend’s birthday brunches and work. After college, I was diagnosed with ADHD and C-PTSD. Another unhealthy coping mechanism of mine was impulsively dating random guys without putting much serious thought into it.

Anyway, my serious boyfriend (the only one I ever felt serious enough to live with or even consider marrying) cheated on me with one of my best friends. This was in December when I was already in an IOP program for my anxiety and depression (I didn’t realize at the time it was a severe OCD flare). This sent me into a binge-drinking spiral and I had to join AA or I would’ve likely drank myself to death. I’m extremely proud of my (almost) 5 months of sobriety and how far I’ve come. However, my OCD and depression got much worse without any substances to turn my brain off. I had to go to PHP, then inpatient (twice) and now I’m in PHP again (doing ERP therapy) while receiving ECT.

My friends and family say I’ve come a long way since the incident, but I’m fucking EXHAUSTED. I feel like such a burden to everyone around me. I also have massive guilt because I didn’t realize that my friends didn’t like my boyfriend in the first place, so I feel somewhat responsible for introducing this person into their lives and they lost a friend as a result (I know logically it’s not my fault that they both chose to cheat, but it still haunts me). I’m also having OCD thoughts about being a bad person related to all of the stupid things I’ve done while drinking. I want to go through the 12 steps to heal and make amends, but I don’t know how to do that with my OCD at an all time high.

I’ve been so tired my entire life dealing with this, and I don’t know what I’ll do if this new treatment doesn’t work. It’s like the depression, anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and trauma are all constantly taking turns beating the shit out of my brain. If anyone can give advice on dealing with multiple diagnoses at once, I would really appreciate it. Sometimes I just don’t know what to focus on first. Also, any personal stories of ECT working (or not) would be helpful. I’m aware that the ECT question might be reassurance seeking, but I’m tired and I don’t know anyone else that has done it. I just need some hope or direction.

Thank you.