u/DEeD-NGone

But all that ends up happening in the end is I’m either used, ghosted or thrown away like I never mattered. I remember one time I was hurting so bad I almost cried in public and I’ve never fought so hard not to shed a tear. I just want one person to mean what they say for once. I’m not anything special, I’m not attractive nor am I talented but I love so easily and freely which is probably my problem. Even after all the pain and heartbreak I still trust but how many times do I have to cry and wonder what’s wrong with me and why I’m never worth it to them the way they are to me. I’m just a fool… I’m sorry for posting this but I just wanted to get this off my chest.

I’m actually emotional while writing this so I’m not sure if this is venting or ranting but I’m never mad at the person. Feelings change or maybe they are just lost or mistaken but I’m never angry. Just hurt. I hope you all have a good weekend ❤️

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted here and I’ve never had any luck but why not try, right? I’m not going to give some super detailed stuff on me but I’m not a big guy. I’m only around 140 pounds and I’m around average height at 5’9 1/2 to 5’10. I just would like someone to be a friend who wouldn’t mind physical contact with me. I’m in an odd place with me having someone I really really want to be with but maybe they don’t want the same… I don’t mind getting to know each other slowly and through here if you’d rather see if you are comfortable with me. You can see me on here but I’m mixed and I have curly black hair.

I’m definitely a bit of a nerdy guy but I’m also really into football(go noles!). I have confidence issues and even deal with depression a bit but I’m getting a bit better with being more social or trying to be. Please just understand if I’m a bit hesitant as I don’t trust easily. I have my own ride and can travel a decent distance but with gas being through the roof I’d prefer not to travel super far. I just would like someone I can be close to and call a friend and hopefully you would like the same.

It’s that part of me that wants that companionship but I know the moment an argument happens or we start going down that route I’ve seen so many of my family go down and still go down I’m just gonna up and leave to put space between us. I’ve been around so much BS my whole life and I just want a peaceful life, preferably with someone but is it worth the potential headache. I understand no relationship is perfect but I’m 24 and I’ve had enough of the world’s bullshit already. I’ll be damned if I force myself to be with someone or let someone put me down and bring me down when I already do that enough myself. I even dread having kids with someone to a degree cause when you do you are tied to said person.

The way I’ve seen marriages deteriorate, cheat and break apart around me and just how miserable some people are and the drama surrounding it, i’d rather be lonely than deal with that. Plus when every supposed relationship has been either a lie that has hurt you leaving you crying and broken trying to piece yourself back together or just doesn’t last it already doesn’t feel like a good start.

Can anyone recommend me the best way to read the manga? I’d prefer physical copies but I read there are some that are censored and some uncensored. I’ve looked into the deluxe hardcover set but those are pretty pricey, even pre owned… I don’t care about any sex stuff but I’d like to read it the way it was originally released preferably.

I just wanted to say I finished Neuromancer a few weeks ago and I’m in love with it and cautiously optimistic for the Apple TV show. I’ve been in love with the genre since I played you know what back in 2020(not sure why it’s a rule not to mention it) and it’s stuck with me ever since. Just recently I’ve watched all of GITS aside from 2045 and I haven’t read the manga(yet). Obviously I’ve read no coincidence about a year ago plus I’ve watched edgerunners. Watched blade runner and blade runner 2049 and I’m hoping to pick up the comics at some point in time. I’m actually picking up burning chrome soon and the rest of the sprawl trilogy. I actually heard good things about Snowcrash as well which has me excited. Does anyone else have any recommendations for more cyberpunk media whether it’s games, movies or books? I’m into all of the above so hit me with anything! Also I would love to play Deus Ex but currently I’m waiting on the remaster on Console…

I know this post didn’t focus exclusively on Neuromancer but I’ve never been a deep dive person. All I can say is I love reading and consuming so many different pieces of cyberpunk media. It’s actually refreshing and fun to see how different bits of chrome can affect the mind and body in one media while being completely different in another. I think my favorite use is the way AI is handled and explored, especially from the perspective of someone all the way back in the 70’s. No wonder everything feels both retro and futuristic at the same time.

I haven’t posted here in a while seeing where this sub is just about weirdos trying to hug women half their age. But for anyone come get you one if you want it and an extra big one to all the amazing moms today ☺️

I never realized how safe I can feel in the voice or songs of someone than when I hear I her music. I listened to out of love so many times yesterday and today, along with other songs that just hit all the right notes in my life. It’s funny cause I feel like so many of her songs are really directed towards women yet I as a man feel seen and heard listening to a lot of her music. I love rock, rap, hip hop and just any genre that’s honestly not gospel but music like hers speaks to me and feels like something I could fall asleep to time and time again.

Also happy Mother’s Day ❤️ to any moms out there that may come across this post!

Music. You are there for me when nobody else is… when nobody seems to care. When I just want someone to listen to me and be there. You articulate my feelings perfectly and hold my hand as I let my emotions wash over me. It’s always a version of you that can understand my pain or know how to make me happy. People think I wear my headphones all the time cause I don’t like to listen but maybe I wouldn’t need them if they were more like you. Not much feels the same after all these years but you take me back to simpler times, to when I wasn’t so alone. You hold me when nobody else will and you tell me I’m loved and you’re proud of me when it nobody ever did. I’m grateful you exist cause you are my love language and I know I’ll never be alone when I’ve got you.

My entire life I’ve looked at large age gaps between couples as odd. I’ve always been someone that’s criticized them cause let’s be honest sometimes it can be weird and even bordering on creepy. I met this woman but given she was and is 18 at least until a few weeks from now some of you would say she she’s a girl. I turned 24 back in November and we started talking to each a few months back. It started off as just two people that got along well and knew each other. I asked her age which she told me the truth which I appreciated and that she was 18. I really didn’t even know she was a woman at the time but obviously I didn’t want to chat with anyone no matter the circumstance if they are under 18 or 18 at all if I’m honest but I let this slide thinking this would be a one off convo. Hell I wasn’t even going to accept the chat request given my mindset at the time but I did.

We talked and we got along well and we started talking more and switched over to another app so we could talk better. We have a time difference but we made it work and even started sending voice messages and stupid memes after a while. We got to know each other and even let each other in emotionally and we were really good friend until we weren’t. I can’t remember how it happened or when but after a while we started flirting and just poking fun at each other more as a couple or flirting. I think she liked me way before I ever felt anything cause it took me a good while to even be attracted to her. We talked late into the night for me and early in the morning for her and even had some moments of vulnerability and understanding for each other I won’t dig too deep into.

The more we talked and the more we spoke the more I realized I wanted to be with her. I’m 24 yet more inexperienced both romantically and sexually than most my age. My only experience being one as a child I would rather not touch on. After that eventually It was phone numbers, face time calls and just everyday talking galore and I could never get enough of her smile and just her company. I’m not very good emotionally but for the first time in forever I could say someone genuinely had my heart and I didn’t want anyone else to have it. I know she felt the same of us talking and falling asleep on the phone together was anything to go by plus her constantly telling me and being the sweetest person I’d ever talked to.

The thing is the more I thought about it the more I thought of myself as a creep. I mean I’m 24 practically dating someone who’s closer to three of my siblings ages than my own. Yes she emotionally mature and might even be more so than myself but age IS NOT just a number. People look at you funny and you even look at yourself funny at times… you wonder if you are crossing a line and taking advantage of your age difference. You bring it up and she doesn’t care but she’s young and you are practically half way to 30 and you know she’d better off with someone her age or closer at least but she’s happy and so are you but you can’t stop thinking about it. So I push her away and tell her I’m not sure what I want and in a way I’m not other than wanting her but where do you go with the distance and these constant thoughts wondering how her family or your’s will react.

I haven’t looked at any other person since we stopped talking about a month ago. I honestly can’t imagine looking at anyone else the way I do her or any making me feel the way she makes me feel. She may have already even found someone better even if it hurts to think about or she realizes maybe she made a mistake. I’m not sure if I made the right decision and I’m sure some people will give me shit for even talking to her from the jump. Thing is I don’t regret a moment and I won’t let someone make me feel bad for being happy when we did nothing wrong. I’m gonna cherish the memories I had with the first person to make me feel this way since I was 9. If you want to know why I posted this I guess it’s just because maybe I want to feel justified in my action or maybe some part of me wants to be told to run to her and I’m not the creep I see myself as or maybe I want to be called out for liking someone so much younger than myself. I’m not sure but I do apologize if reading this made any of you uncomfortable, genuinely.

I probably wont respond to any comments if there are any given I rarely do but if you have any choice words have at it cause I wouldn’t blame you.