u/DMYourFeetPicsTy

Jag sitter i rullstol pga en ryggskada, överkroppen fungerar som den ska. Var ute på en promenad i skogen för ca 2 timmar sen och när jag är påväg ut därifrån efter att ha rullat jävligt långt och är svettig och smutsig om händerna så ser jag en snubbe som sitter på en parkbänk och ler som fan när han glor på mig.

Tänkte bara rulla förbi honom och säga "tjo" typ, men han stannar mig och säger "fan vad kul att se dig och erbjuder mig vatten, jag säger "haha detsamma" och tackar nej till vattnet. Han skakar min hand och kramar mig(aldrig sett snubben innan är jag rätt säker på???) sen kollar han på mig och säger "hoppas det blir bättre sen, inshallah, i paradiset" och går in för en till kram och jag säger "hahah aah i paradiset" och så pussar han mig på toppen av huvudet?

Utan tvekan den skummaste encountern jag någonsin varit med om? Träffade jag bara nån superreligiös snubbe eller var han hög eller något?😂

Been trying quinn since the buffs and god damn it's rough out here for me. I get outtraded so hard by basically everyone in lane... I'm playing electrocute, building hydra, ldr, Blade of Night and last item is matchup dependant, but often GA

Even in the early game and we're completely even, my damage still feels completely dogshit.

What are you guys playing?

Sometimes I want to listen to EDM. First it plays a bunch of EDM songs that I listen to, then it swaps to some other genre, i skip them all, it finds another genre, i skip them all, it puts edm back on, i listen to them all and then it swaps to some random shit and I skip them all.

How does it not see "okay, he finishes listening to all the EDM songs and skips all others, let me que more EDM songs for now"???

Like sometimes I've gone for a 10-15 minute drive and ALL the songs it puts on are trash that I don't want to listen to. It's so annoying, and then sometimes it's just banger after banger after banger, how is it so damn inconsistent?

Idk what to do. I've gotten myself into deep trouble. Long story short: paraplegic since an accident as a kid, turned 18, got a lot of money from the insurance company when i got my injury(i got access to it when i was 18). Always been depressed and hated my crippled body and life, never actually feeling happy except for short short periods, regardless of my money.

Depression+adhd+hopelessness just turned me into a neet, I tried to get my GED a bunch of times and everytime I just gave up, not because it was too hard, but because I had 0 interest in "normal" school subjects. Anyhow, two years ago i found an it-technician course that i took and did very well in, but couldn't land a job after(got an interview but when they found out i was in a wheelchair they just said "aaah, this job might not be a good fit then(it was a data center tech job) and basically said they would contact me if any other more fitting jobs was available.

They never did obviously. I've been applying to other jobs but not nearly as many as I should've and the massive depression just makes it 100x harder and the past few months I've just completely given up on life. Now i'm 27, i'm broke and basically stopped paying my bills 4 months ago because of severe depression and I was gonna end it, I didn't plan to be alive right now.

I'm still here and in even deeper trouble, got debt collectors chasing me and im gna get evicted soon.

I havent told my family because of the utter shame and disgust at myself that I wasted my youth and the massive amount of money i got from my injury.

Basically my choices now are: just ending it or beg my mom and her husband to let me live with them as a 27 year old loser and give it my all to fix my fucking situation, get in therapy to help with my mindset about my injury and life and get a fucking job.

Idk how to bring it up to them, the shame is just fucking massive and it's suffocating me every single day for years at this point, obviously it's at it's worst right now though. Everyone would KILL to get the money i got when i turned 18 and I just did nothing with it except waste it and pay a shitload of tax on it(probably lost 30-40% to taxes alone)

Honestly, I don't even give a fuck about the money i've wasted, I just want a functioning life with a job and be a valuable member of society. I just hate the extreme shame that comes with it, basically everyone around me knows I got a huge windfall. So now they're all gonna know i'm broke and they're all gonna judge me(who wouldn't?)

My mom and her husband just bought a big house that they've been wanting for 10+ years and here I come fucking their happiness and solitude up because i'm the biggest moron there ever was apparently.

I do have a small income from the insurance company each month, around $1.5k, so I'm not completely broke with 0 money, but I got debt now so yeah, I'm just screwed unless my mother and her husband would give me a chance and let me move in with them.

Honestly, typing all of this out just makes me want to end it, how the FUCK did I put myself in this position? I'm legit r-worded. I hate that ending it is even a consideration because I know it will destroy my mother, brother and especially sister(we're super close) but I just don't know how to even begin to fix this. How do I even begin to bring this up?